Since
by MizzHyde
Summary: Jasper & Edward, blow-jobs and shower fantasies, Bella and sofa sex, stag nights and drunken rambling, giving in to temptation, getting caught, confessing, nothing has been quite the same since, well... Since. AH, rated M for lemons and slash.
1. Pork is pork

******__****Love is love.**

******__****Sex is sex.**

******__****Pork is pork.**

******__****SM owns the Twilight peeps, I just make them very, very confused.**

******__****Rated M for Lemons and Slash. If you donut like it, donut read it.**

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EPOV

OK, I can get through this night. How bad can it be? How bad can he be? I am just no good at polite conversation. I can't believe Bella roped me into this.

She's out for the whole of the weekend for the hen party. This is not the issue. We do our own stuff. I'm quite happy to have the place to myself and was planning some idiotic drinking and a late night with my X-Box. But then she dropped the little bombshell that Rosalie's brother is over from the States and needs somewhere to crash. As the girls are all staying over at Rosalie's and their folks live miles away, she volunteered our place. So I am stuck with fucking babysitting duty.

Thankfully it's a Friday night so the regular work crowd is out as usual. At least I won't have to talk to him the whole night. I sent him a text with the pub location earlier so he should be showing up in an hour or so. God, I hope he's not a complete prick. His name is Jasper, for God's sake. That does not give me hope.

* * *

Well that wasn't as bad as it could have been. He's quite funny really. He has a hint of an American accent; he's lived over there for years. The girls from the office were practically salivating over him, despite his seriously weird hair. He was utterly charming to them, chatting away like he'd known them for years.

I left him to it and played a few games of pool instead. I glanced over at him a few times, just checking that he hadn't been abandoned. A couple of times when I looked up I caught him looking back at me. He smiled and nodded his head. Just making sure I was still there, I guess.

He seemed to be having a good time with the girls. I could hear Jessica braying with laughter at regular intervals and Lauren seemed to have attached herself to his arm. At one point I thought that he might not be staying at my place after all. He could probably have gone home with any of them. Or all of them.

I was still not looking forward to doing the whole accommodating host business, so at closing time I invited the crowd back to my place. I don't get to do that often because Bella doesn't like a house full of strangers, but as I wasn't going to get laid I decided I might as well make the most of her absence.

However, as we left the pub it was raining outside, and suddenly people decided they would rather go home. So despite my hopefulness, Jasper and I ended up walking back to my place alone.

Still, he wasn't that bad, and he seemed to be up for another drink once we got home. The rain was coming down harder and harder as we walked, and by the time we arrived we were both soaked through. He followed me into the living room and I told him to help himself to the DVD collection while I carted his bag upstairs, changed into dry clothes, and grabbed some beers.

When I got back to the living room, Jasper was standing in front of the TV with the remote in his hand. Like me, he'd stripped off his shirt, but as I'd ditched his bag upstairs he had nothing to change into. I was on the verge of explaining where I'd put his things, when I caught sight of the screen and realised he'd put on a porn movie.

"Ah, I see you've found the back of the cupboard collection," I said.

Smiling, he didn't say anything and reached out a hand for a beer. What the hell, I'd probably be watching it by myself if he wasn't here anyway.

"I've put your bag upstairs, do you want to grab a dry shirt?" I asked.

"No, I'm good," he replied, sitting down on the sofa.

I elected for the armchair. There is an etiquette for watching porn with other men, especially men you don't know. You keep your eyes on the screen, you don't talk. Unless you are very, very drunk. He'd been at the fast forward button already, like every man who watches a porno, cutting to the fucking chase. My free hand automatically wandered to the front of my jeans. I risked a surreptitious glance at him. He was leaning back on the sofa with both arms stretched out along the back cushions, looking rather unimpressed. It made me ridiculously defensive, so I decided to break with protocol and talk to him.

"Feel free to choose something else," I said. "There's quite a collection if you're after something specific."

Jasper turned to look at me, taking a slow pull from his beer.

"I suspect you don't have what I'm in the mood for," he smiled. "Does Bella know you have all this stuff?"

"Are you kidding me?" I laughed back at him. "Half of it is hers. In fact most of the really kinky stuff is hers. I bet she has pretty much whatever you are up for."

"I suppose it's possible," he mused. "I know a few girls who get really turned on by gay sex."

"Oh, that's easy," I said, getting out of my chair. "There's a whole bunch of lesbian action here somewhere." I started pulling DVDs off the shelf.

Jasper chuckled. "Actually I'm more into the guys than the ladies. Got any of that?"

Well, I hadn't seen that one coming.

"Er, no, I don't, not really my thing," I offered out of hand. "Not being gay."

Jasper's shoulders were shaking with amusement.

"Well it totally is my thing. You do know that, right?"

"Er, no, I didn't, any reason why I should?" I cursed Bella inwardly for leaving out this particular piece of information about my house guest. Not that it made any difference one way or the other, but I like to know that kind of shit.

Jasper just laughed even harder.

"That's Rose for you. I've been out since I was, like, twelve or something so she just forgets about telling people. She assumes they know. I live in Manhattan for fuck's sake, it's practically compulsory."

Still chuckling, Jasper hauled himself off the sofa and headed towards the kitchen.

"Another beer?" he asked.

I nodded. How the hell did that happen? I felt like I was the guest in his house. I sat back down in my chair. His whole demeanour seemed to have changed since we were in the pub. The smooth charm with the ladies suddenly became more understandable, but now he was bolder, cocky even. I don't think I'd ever met someone more relaxed with who he was. I could hear him rummaging around in the kitchen.

"I'd forgotten how poky British kitchens are," he called. "I think you could fit this whole room into my refrigerator at home."

OK, now he was pissing me off. He sauntered back in and stood in front of me, holding out the bottle. I suddenly realised my hand had migrated back to my cock and swiftly moved it to grab the bottle. He still stood there in front of me, his head slightly to one side.

"Does it make you uncomfortable?" he asked.

"Does what make me uncomfortable?" I countered.

"Me," he replied simply.

"You, as in you being gay? No, it doesn't bother me at all. You being gay and half naked in my living room watching porn movies? To be honest, yes a bit, a bit uncomfortable."

We stared at each other for a long moment, and then just like that, the tension was gone and we both started laughing.

"Do you want to watch something else?" I asked.

He tilted his head to one side, giving me that appraising look I'd seen earlier and took a swig from his bottle.

"What I'd really like to do is suck your cock while you watch the movie," he stated calmly.

The mouthful of beer I had just taken got sprayed everywhere.

"Did I not just mention that I am not gay?" I asked in astonishment.

Jasper shrugged.

"Sex is sex," he stated. "Gender is irrelevant for most of it."

"Seriously? But you can't mean that. I mean, if you're gay then you wouldn't want some girl sucking you off."

"Oh, I don't generally discriminate," he said sitting back down on the sofa, stretching his arms back out along the cushions and leaning his head back, watching the movie through lidded eyes.

"As it turns out I have only ever fancied guys, and they totally have more, uh, equipment to play with. But some kinds of sex, frankly, it doesn't make much difference. A mouth is a mouth."

I stared at him. I had the feeling I could say or do absolutely anything right now and he would not care. It was quite liberating.

"Do you often hit on other people's boyfriends?" I challenged him.

He sipped at his beer again and glanced briefly in my direction.

"I don't generally discriminate," he repeated, turning his attention back to the screen.

I realised I was thinking through his offer. I was actually hard as a rock in my jeans, and it wasn't the third rate movie that was doing it. I found myself wondering what it would be like. The only lips to have touched my cock were definitely female. Would it be the same? Should I take the opportunity to find out?

I couldn't believe I was actually considering it. Then again, it would save me the bother of having a wank later. Was I rationalising because I wanted an excuse to give in to this suddenly overwhelming need? I was just about to let temptation and curiosity win, when another thought disturbed me.

"If we do this, there is no way I am going to return the favour," I said.

Jasper's head snapped up and a wicked grin spread over his face.

"I wouldn't expect you to," he replied. "I'm pretty sure those soft lips of yours have never had the pleasure, and I like someone with a bit more experience for my turn."

I automatically opened my mouth to protest and then snapped it shut again. Fuck. I swear he actually winked at me.

_Sex is sex, right?_ I leaned forward and started unlacing my Docs. I briefly glanced up to see Jasper's grin turning into a full on smirk. Once I had pulled the boots and socks off I stood up and popped my fly, letting my still damp jeans fall with my boxers and stepping out of them.

"I didn't really think you'd go for it," he admitted, rising swiftly to his feet, staring down at my solid junk, hanging away from my belly.

"Now that's an unexpected pleasure," he murmured, moving closer. "Not too many straight guys shave like that."

It was my turn to smirk. It had started as a challenge from Bella. If she was waxing hers she thought I should share the pain. There was no way I was letting anyone near my junk with hot wax, but for a laugh I played along and let her shave me. It was one of the most erotic experiences of my life, so we had kept it up and now I couldn't contemplate letting it grow out again. So yes, smooth was the way to go.

I sat back down and he knelt between my legs, pushing my knees firmly apart. OK, so no slow build-up here, he wasn't going to mess about. There wasn't going to be any fucking snuggling afterwards either. I fixed my eyes back on the screen, feeling my heart rate accelerate.

I just about fucking bucked out of the chair when his tongue made contact with the tip of my cock. He shoved me roughly back down with one hand on my hip and hooked two fingers of the other hand around the base to pull me straight up so he could envelop the whole head in his mouth. I hissed loudly and gripped the arms of the chair, throwing my head back. The movie was already irrelevant.

He swirled his tongue and lips over me slowly, moving his hand down to squeeze my balls and tug them upwards.

Without warning he slid me right the way into his mouth and took me into his throat in one smooth movement. I think I swore. With his lips on my pelvis he stuck out his tongue and ran it over my smooth balls that he was holding up with his hand. I didn't know that was even possible; the feeling was astonishing. I have no idea what kind of noises I was making by this point but I swear I could feel that grin of his twitch across his mouth before he settled into a steady rhythm. Again and again he thrust me into his throat, every time working his tongue on my balls and up my length. The sensation was overwhelming. I could feel him adding his lips and teeth, driving me closer to the edge.

I clutched the chair even harder as I felt my balls start to tighten. I know he felt it too because he centred himself and increased his pace, moaning around me as he moved. I was not going to hold back, the first pulse was already rising up my rock hard cock and the rush of cum went straight into his throat. I let out a strangled cry as the room seemed to vanish in the haze of sensation. He continued to work me until he was sure I was done, and then sat back, gasping for breath, his hand still stroking. He squeezed the last drops out of me and lapped them up, rubbing my now incredibly sensitive head over the slight stubble around his mouth, and then released me.

I managed to raise my head to look at him. He was sitting back on his heels with a ridiculously satisfied look on his face, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He reached behind himself to pick up his beer, and backed up to sit on the sofa, not breaking eye contact.

I had no fucking idea what to say to him. Sex is sex, right?

Well that was like no sex I had ever had.

* * *

**A/N**

**Soooooooooo, you like?**

**Please please please please review. Pretty please. With a cherry on top.**

**BIG THANK-YOUS:**

**The TSA for waking me up, and encouraging me.**

**HoochieMomma for correcting my appalling punctuation.**

**The incomparable EvilGiraffe82 for making it half way readable and adding so much of the good stuff.**

**Conversed for teaching me that love is love. And laughing at my jokes.**

**Livinginadw for being there, always.**

**Update coming soon.**

**Sooner if you review...**


	2. Touch myself like it's somebody else

**Wow you do like your smut, don't you?**

**So do I.**

**SM owns, I just messes with their heads.**

* * *

EPOV

I woke up on my back, sprawled right across the bed, disoriented for a moment not to have Bella's elbow digging into my side or her hair snagging in my mouth. My head was throbbing and I delayed opening my eyes, knowing the morning light was going to be a bitch. Then I remembered why she wasn't there. And who was in the spare room.

Shit.

I rolled onto my side and pulled a pillow over my head, groaning to myself. What the fuck had I been thinking?

Did I cheat on Bella? I'd never cheated before, not on her, not on any of my previous girlfriends. It seemed pointless. If I wanted someone else that bad I just broke up with my current girlfriend. Of course, it was a bit different with Bella. We had been together seven years now, we shared a home and our families were completely intertwined. It's not like I could just walk away, even if I wanted to. Which I didn't. At all.

Did it count as cheating if it was a guy? I mentally smacked myself round the head. Of course it counted. How would I feel if she was getting her rocks off with another girl? The image that thought conjured up didn't actually help. I needed some damn coffee.

Peering out from under the pillow, I checked the clock on the bedside table and saw it was just after ten. Jasper was going to be heading back to Rosalie's place this afternoon as the girls were at some spa thing. Maybe I could hide in my room until he left. It was going to be beyond awkward having to face him. He would probably find it highly amusing.

We had sat in silence afterwards, with the awful tinkly porn music churning away in the background. I eventually realised that I was not going to be able to form words, for various reasons, and had grabbed my jeans and retreated upstairs. I had heard him follow me up some time later, using the bathroom and locating the spare room.

Even if I miraculously managed to avoid him today, we would be bumping into each other for the next two weeks. We were both going to be ushers at the wedding, and Rosalie was insisting on suit fittings and rehearsals and God knows what else. Plus there was Emmett's stag do. It was inevitable that our paths would cross again.

What the hell was I going to do if he told someone? I would have to make the situation quite clear before he left that I would physically dismember him and burn his body parts if he so much as squeaked. I briefly entertained the idea of telling her myself. We had always been completely honest with each other. There had never been any reason not to be. An image of Bella's face, contorted with disgust, flashed into my mind and I became instantly nauseated at the thought of losing her over something so stupid. No, that would not be a good idea. Which meant I was going to have to speak to him this morning.

Shit.

Hauling myself out of bed, I pulled on some boxers and the tee I had worn the night before and slipped out of my room. The door to the spare room was slightly ajar but the house was silent. I paused at the top of the stairs, and then went back into my room to put on a pair of jeans. I was so ridiculous. I never normally bothered with trousers in the mornings but couldn't bring myself to face him half naked.

I went into the kitchen and switched on my coffee machine. No sign of Jasper down here so he must be still asleep. The living room had been cleared up, the DVDs all neatly stacked in their home at the back of the cupboard and the TV switched off. Good. I was positively anal about not leaving the plasma screen and amp switched on overnight, but had been way too freaked out to deal with it the night before.

Fuck. I was never going to describe myself as anal again.

I settled down with a large pot of coffee and a mountain of toast to watch crappy Saturday morning TV. Unfortunately I couldn't switch off my brain. The more I thought about it, the more it freaked me out. It's not like I was averse to trying new things. I love sex, all kinds of sex; one of the reasons Bella and I are so suited is our matching attitudes about sex. We love playing, we love making each other feel great, we love experimenting. We talk, we laugh, we'll try anything once. Well, almost anything. Some things quite a lot.

But damn, I had never, _ever_, been remotely attracted to the idea of doing anything with a guy. I had gay friends, and had not been lying the night before when I told Jasper I had no problem with it. What other people do in their beds is their business. It had just never occurred to me that it was an option for _me_. But when Jasper offered, it seemed perfectly normal. And it felt… Well. It felt fucking amazing.

After an hour of this going round and round my brain I decided that I needed to get the worst over with. Jasper needed to wake up so we could have this talk and get him out of my house. I stomped back upstairs as loudly as I could and banged on the spare room door. The door slowly swung open as I knocked to reveal an empty room. The bed was made and a small piece of paper sat right in the middle.

The bastard had left already. Damn damn damn.

I snatched the piece of paper off the bed and read the note written in loopy script on the reverse.

_Edward_

_Thanks so much for your hospitality, I had a great time. I hope you don't mind me taking off early, I have a bunch of stuff to get done and I didn't want to wake you. I am very much looking forward to seeing you again._

_Jasper_

_PS. Don't worry, my lips are sealed. For talking purposes at least._

I sat down heavily on the bed, scrunching the paper up into a tight ball. I could just imagine his lazy smirk as he wrote it. Who the hell carries notepaper with them anyway? I threw the ball of paper at the wall, and then got up and retrieved it and shoved it in my pocket. The last thing I needed was Bella finding it and asking me to explain the joke.

At least he seemed to get the importance of keeping his mouth shut. I ground my teeth in irritation; I did _not_ want to be thinking about his mouth. My traitorous cock stirred in my pants and I decided I needed to go and beat it into submission. Literally.

I ran the shower good and hot and stood right under it, letting the water run over my head and down my face. We might have a poky British terraced house with a cupboard sized kitchen, but the walk-in shower was an essential I wasn't willing to live without. I concentrated hard on thinking about Bella: my beautiful, crazy, kinky, sexy Bella.

I thought about the way she gets that half-shy smile on her face when she's about to get frisky. I thought about how that shyness isn't really there at all, she just puts it on because she knows it gets me hot. I thought about her hands twisting in my hair as she drags her tongue down my neck and along my collar bone. I thought about her pressing her hard nipples into my chest as one hand snakes down my side and between my legs.

I took a deep breath as I felt the familiar stir in my groin, and was relieved as much as anything. Some things did not change. I braced one arm against the shower wall and used the other to stroke my eager cock into action. I thought about how Bella's cool slender fingers feel as she grips me just the way I like it. I thought about how she wraps her thighs around my leg and rubs against me as she pumps me, twisting her palm over the head between each stroke.

My cock responded as it always did when she was in my mind. I thought about how she grazes her teeth along my lower ribs as she sinks lower, running her other hand over my ass. I thought about her open kisses along the V under my abs, never slowing down, never missing a beat.

I felt myself get even harder and I pumped faster. I thought about her taking one smooth ball into her perfect mouth and sucking it firmly. I thought about her sliding her tongue up my length and swirling around the tip. I thought about her warm mouth surrounding my head, her hands gripping my ass and pulling me further in. I thought about her sucking and licking and thrusting me into his throat, I thought about… _his_ throat?

Fuck. In a split second I had an astonishingly clear mental image of Jasper on his knees in front of me, water cascading off his hard shoulders, his strong hands gripping my cheeks and pulling me forward. I exploded with a force that took my breath away and it was all I could do not to collapse in the shower. I leaned hard against the wall and screamed with fury.

This is NOT how it is going down. I fucking love my girl, I love fucking my girl and that is how it is.

* * *

I did the only practical thing I could do. I got very very very drunk.

After scrubbing every inch of myself clean in the shower, I spent several hours in the gym, running, lifting stupid weights and beating the hell out of the punching bag. When I finally felt that I could not possibly lift my arms any more, I went and sat in the sauna for as long as I could stand, and then had another long hot shower. I refused to think about anything. I focused on the pure physical effort and tried to obliterate the last twelve hours from my mind.

It was early afternoon and I had not eaten since breakfast, so I went to my local pub and ordered their stupidly large grill with everything. I put my name up on the chalk board for a game of pool, and started drinking. I sat and watched some pointless football game on the screen, and grunted at the few locals who knew me and stopped to say hi. They backed off pretty quick; I guess they knew to leave me alone if I wasn't in the mood. Even the barman, Seth, gave me a wide berth and I normally chatted with him for hours.

I was on my third pint when I got called to the table. I racked the balls, grateful for something else to distract my fucked-up head. One of the reasons I liked this pub was that if you won a game of pool, the next person on the board paid to play you – winner stays on. So I stayed on.

I had won four or five games, and drunk several more beers when my phone rang. I fished it out of my pocket and saw Bella's number so I went outside to take her call and have a smoke. She was obviously having a fabulous time with her friends, and I tried very hard to be appropriately enthusiastic. I was so glad to hear her voice, I may have begged her to come home, just a little bit. I knew I wouldn't feel right until I was back with her, in every sense.

She just laughed at me and told me to grow up and cope without her for a bit. It's not like I could explain my sudden undignified clinging. She cheerfully rang off telling me she would be home some time tomorrow, and not to get too wasted. Too late.

As the afternoon turned into the evening, more of the usual crowd showed up, and the beer finally took effect, helping me relax. I played more pool, irritating the hell out of everyone by not losing a single game. I talked and drank and felt more like myself, until I finally stumbled home and fell into my bed.

Tomorrow, everything would be back to normal.

**A/N**

**Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed, favourited and alerted. The plan is to update once a week, so leave me some love before then.**

**If you put this story on alert, but did not review, you could, like, now? And if you did already, you could, like, again? To make this easier you can just cut and paste one of the following:**

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**OR**

"**Dear Lord that was so hot my gusset just exploded."**

**BIG THANK-YOUS:**

**The TSA for waking me up, and encouraging me.**

**HoochieMomma for the fuckawesome superfast summary. Read her excellent story Scouting for Happiness (I****D: ****6348691****)**

**The incomparable EvilGiraffe82 for giving up her time and effort, I flove her. Read her brilliant story Charming Beauty Bright (ID: ****6352820**** )**

**Conversed for pimping this story for me on Twitter. (DO IT AGAIN.)**

**Livinginadw for being my Dreamgirl. (And the pimping and the pre-reading and all the other stuff.)**

**I'll shut up now.**


	3. Get yer socks off

**I am utterly amazed at all the reviews, thank you all SO MUCH. I have tried to reply to you all, please smack me up if I missed you out.**

**So this chapter is obviously going to fuck it all up. For those of you who are hard-core slash lovers, you may want to skip the EPOV at the end or you may be a bit sick in your mouth. Don't blame me. EvilGiraffe made me. She MADE me. **

**And those of you who are hard-core slash lovers _and _also have no love for Bella, well, just skip the whole chapter tbh. Lol.**

**SM owns. I just relieve their stress.**

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BPOV

I clicked my phone off and stared at it, puzzled, for a moment before stuffing it back in my bag. It was not like Edward to be remotely bothered about me being away. He was never clingy. In fact, he was the opposite of clingy, which was one of the reasons our relationship worked so well.

I had spent most of my childhood and teenage years looking after my mother. Not in a home-carer with sick parent sort of way, just in a sane person trying to avoid chaos sort of way. My school friends teased me that I was Saffy from AbFab, alternately mortified and worried by my freaky mother's behaviour. They of course all thought she was fantastic. Absolutely fabulous, in fact. They would come round to see me in the hope that she would break out the gin again and regale them with horrific stories which almost always involved inappropriate sex. But that wasn't the worst of it really.

She was just incapable of looking after herself in the most basic of ways. So I learned to cook, and shop, and clean, and iron. I looked after our meagre finances and tried to persuade her to wear clothes that actually covered up some of her skin when she went out. I listened to her crazy plans for the next big thing, and comforted her when it turned out that she didn't have a natural aptitude for basket weaving or whatever it was this time. I studied, I didn't go out, I didn't have boyfriends, I didn't think about my own future at all.

Everything changed when I was about sixteen and she met Phil. At first I assumed that this was yet another in a long line of hopeless attachments, and that I would end up drying her tears when he broke her heart. But after a few months of her vomit-inducing raving about how wonderful he was, I realised something was different. She was wearing normal clothes, for a start. And she wasn't out quite so late quite so often. She stopped leaving her stuff lying all over the house. She started buying groceries.

I started paying more attention to Phil when he came over. He was some kind of big-shot cricket coach with a county team, consulting and advising at national level too. He had a stack of money and was always bringing flowers and gifts which prompted more raving. But he was also quiet and thoughtful; he washed the dishes after dinner and enquired politely about my school work. If I didn't have to listen to the godawful sex noises from my mother's room on a regular basis I could have quite liked him. I begged her to stay at his place more often.

We moved into Phil's palatial house just after my seventeenth birthday. My mother sold the house I had lived in since I was born, the place where my dad had lived and died, without a second thought. I sulked for about a year.

Suddenly I had no idea who I was any more. Phil had a housekeeper who took care of all the chores, and he cooked or took us out for dinner every night. My mum was so happy that she stopped the wild partying and the insane life-improvement schemes, and started working as his personal manager instead. He was always very sweet to me, and they included me in everything they did. I repaid them by being as unpleasant as I possibly could. Finally my mother was taking responsibility for her own life and I resented them both for it.

I applied for universities as far away from home as possible. In hindsight I'm glad I didn't get into Aberdeen, but at the time it was very frustrating. In the end, Nottingham was far enough to make weekend visiting difficult, but not too far in case of emergency. I left them to their love nest and ran away.

University was a revelation. I only had myself to look after, and didn't need anyone to look after me. I loved it. I studied hard and for the first time in my life, I played hard too. I joined clubs and societies, I tried different sports, I went dancing and drinking and stayed up all night. I made some fabulous friends, like Rosalie, who I ended up sharing digs with for a couple of years.

I dated a few guys, and slept with a few more. The second any of them looked like they might want something more permanent I sweetly but firmly sent them on their way. I just wasn't interested in getting into another situation that involved having to compromise my new found independence. Rosalie said it was cold, but I was always honest with them from the start. I never made any promises.

For two years I whirled merrily along, completely content and living on my own terms. I even forgave Phil and my mother, and enjoyed their company when I got to see them. I realised I would never have been able to live like this if he hadn't come along, and I was grateful, now knowing what I would have missed.

And then I met Edward.

I remember it clearly. I was sitting in the Student Union bar in the middle of the afternoon, shouting at my laptop like a crazy person. It had just crashed – again – in the middle of revisions to my final year project, and I was ready to throw it across the room. I heard a polite cough and looked up to see a tall, pale young man standing very close to me.

"What?" I barked, really not in the mood, looking back at the wretched machine and banging futilely at the keys.

"Perhaps I can help you with that?" he said.

The sound of his voice made me look up again. It was low and smooth and did inexplicably strange things to my skin. I couldn't see his face clearly as the harsh ceiling lights directly behind him threw him into shadow, but his broad shoulders were covered with a thin fitted tee and his toned arms looked very promising. However my currently foul mood overrode everything else.

"Are you some kind of computer genius?" I snapped.

"Something like that," he muttered, pulling over a chair and sitting down next to me. He reached out a hand for the laptop. "May I?"

I glanced back at the computer, which was currently displaying the Blue Screen of Death and reluctantly turned it towards him.

"Be my guest," I sighed, reasoning that he couldn't make it any worse, and I would get to check out his arms some more. I rummaged around in my enormous bag for my cigarettes and lit one. You could still smoke in bars back then. Those were the days.

He restarted the computer and started pulling up screens I had never seen before, muttering to himself and occasionally rolling his eyes. I took the opportunity to have a good look at him. He really was quite stunning. His hair was an odd bronze colour that I couldn't quite place, and was sticking out at crazy angles like it had never seen a brush. There was a dusting of similar coloured scruff over his jaw that just seemed to invite me to lick it.

I realised I was staring at his lips, his full, smooth, pouty lips, and starting to think quite inappropriate thoughts about what they might feel like on my own. I took another drag on my cigarette and dropped my eyes down to the laptop before I started panting. It didn't help, because it meant I was looking at his fingers. He had just delectable fingers, long, lean, strong fingers, dancing over the keyboard like he was playing a piano. I stopped thinking about his lips and started imagining his fingers on my skin, dragging down my sides and over my hips.

He interrupted my musing with a particularly loud snort and turned to look at me with his eyebrows raised. I quickly stubbed out the cigarette which had burned down mostly unsmoked to the butt and tried to pull myself together.

"What have you been doing to this poor machine?" he asked.

I shrugged.

"Nothing. It just keeps crashing at very inopportune moments," I replied defensively.

"I'm not surprised," he said. "You have about a million temporary files blocking up your hard disk, you have different versions of about a dozen applications all running at the same time and you haven't updated your operating system or virus checker for months."

I chewed the inside of my lower lip and shrugged again.

"Can you fix it?"

He laughed and ran his hands through his crazy hair a couple of times. That would explain the interesting styling.

"Of course I can fix it, but not without access to the drivers and updates you need, and definitely not on the five percent battery power you have left," he said, tapping at the little red battery icon. "I can take it home and have it back to you this evening, if you tell me where to find the things you want to save from here?"

"You want me to hand over my laptop to a complete stranger in a bar?" I asked, feeling somewhat breathless at the thought of seeing him again later.

He leaned in very close to me and I felt my heart jump, until I realised he was just reaching into the back pocket of his jeans, pulling out a stack of business cards. He placed one on the table and pushed it towards me, sitting back into his chair.

The card simply had a name, a phone number and an email address, nothing else.

_Edward Cullen._

"I'm not a complete stranger any more," he said, still smiling.

"You have business cards," I stated. "Has anyone ever told you that's kind of lame? And you _are_ still a complete stranger. I just happen to know your name."

He turned my laptop back towards me in time to see the screen dissolve again before it gave an angry beep.

"Fine," I said. "Whatever. If you don't give it back I will flame your email constantly for the next ten years."

He grinned triumphantly and handed me another business card.

"You better give me your number too so I can call when it's ready," he said, passing me a pen to write it down.

And that was the start of all kinds of things. We dated for a while, and then we had lots of crazy sex for a while longer. It turned out that he wasn't kidding about the genius part; he was wildly intelligent and he knew it. He sometimes came across as arrogant, but he was usually just bored and couldn't be bothered explaining himself.

I kept expecting him to push a bit harder, to ask for more, but he never did. We kept our separate homes and separate lives, but spent more and more time together. It was so easy. And he was so _hot_. He was perfect for me.

A few years after graduation we moved in together, mainly for financial reasons. My mum finally got married to Phil, and gave me all the money she had saved from the sale of our family home, which somehow she had never spent. I promptly invested it in a house of my own and it seemed crazy for Edward to still be renting somewhere else. The business he had started at university was growing and he needed space and money to build it. I was working as a research scientist for a big pharmaceutical company and once again was perfectly content.

So this was the first time I had ever experienced the slightest hint of need from him. What on earth had happened that he was asking me to come home from such an important night out with my girls? We went out together plenty, but had separate social lives too, and weekends apart were not unusual. Rosalie had told me that Jasper had reported back that they had had a great time the previous evening, and they had got on well, so it surely couldn't be anything to do with that.

Whatever. I knew exactly how to deal with his need when I got home. I put it out of my mind and went back to the bar to fulfil my duty to get Rosalie as embarrassingly drunk as humanly possible. Wasn't too hard.

* * *

EPOV

Bella's key crackled in the lock and I was off the sofa and into the hall before she had the door open. I had slept through as much of the brutal hangover as possible but had been alternating between coffee and Lucozade for several hours, topped up with paracetamol and toast. Half of me was desperate for Bella to get home as soon as possible, the other half was hoping she would be late so I wouldn't be such a mess when she arrived. I know I looked like hell. My hair was even more of a disaster than usual, I hadn't shaved for two days and my eyes were still red-rimmed, with dark shadows under them.

I stood next to the stairs and watched her as she came through the door. I'm pretty sure she had had a heavy night too, but to me she still looked perfect. She always wore these crazy tight skinny jeans that made her legs look a mile long.

Her long dark hair was tied back into a rough ponytail and her pale skin had no make-up. She didn't need it. She raised an eyebrow at me, taking in my dishevelled state. I grinned sheepishly and held out my arms.

"Miss me, baby?" she asked, dropping her overnight bag and moving into my embrace.

She fit perfectly into her customary place under my chin so I buried my face in her hair and murmured into her ear.

"You have no idea."

She tilted her head up to look at me with a slightly puzzled expression on her face and I took the opportunity to capture her lips with mine. All my tension and discomfort melted away as I felt her familiar soft mouth opening to my tongue and kissing me back with an enthusiasm that matched my own. I hadn't realised how worried I was about my physical reaction to her until I felt my cock stir. The relief flooded through me and suddenly I desperately needed to be in her.

I quickly moved my hands down under her backside and bent my knees to scoop her up, pushing her against the hall wall so she could wrap her legs around my waist. I held her there firmly, not breaking our kiss, grinding my now completely hard length between her legs. She weaved her fingers into my hair and moaned gratifyingly into my mouth.

One of the things that really made our relationship work was a mutual enthusiasm for lots and lots of sex. When we met at university we had politely dated a few times before falling into bed, and then hadn't got out of it for several weeks. I had found out in the meantime that she had a bit of a reputation for loving and leaving, so I had made the most of it, waiting for the day she kicked me into touch. I was never a hearts and flowers kind of guy, and I was used to fending for myself, so I figured I would take what I could get.

But the weeks turned into months and I started to relax, and then to realise that I really loved her. She was fiercely independent and couldn't be bothered making nice with people she didn't like. She said exactly what she thought, which actually made life easier. If I screwed up, she told me so, and that was the end of it. And then we had awesome make-up sex.

This wasn't going to make it to the bedroom.

When I finally needed air I dragged my mouth away from hers and picked her up, carrying her the short distance to the sofa in the living room and throwing her down on it. There were times for slow, sweet love-making, but this wasn't one of them.

I tugged her boots off and she started undoing the buttons on her shirt. The downside to the super skinny jeans was although they made her backside look amazing, they were a bitch to get off. I popped the fly and started dragging them down. She raised her hips and we wiggled them slowly off her legs, a regular dance that we both knew well.

I paused to look at her, really look at her, and I loved what I saw.

She was slim but not skinny with smooth curves and creamy skin. I quickly removed her underwear and yanked my tee over my head. She sat up and made quick work of my belt and the button of my jeans, pushing them down until I needed to sit to get them off. As I sat back heavily to kick them off she scrambled on to her knees and advanced on my throbbing cock, licking her lips.

Oh no. For the first time in my entire fucking life I was going to turn down a blow job. What if I could never get one again without thinking about that fucker?

Focus.

Without giving her time to react I flipped her on her back again and kissed her deeply. I pressed my whole body into her side, running my free hand down over her cool flesh. Her nipple puckered under my thumb but I wasn't lingering there today.

I slipped my fingers between her smooth lips as she lifted one leg on to the cushions to allow me in. She was warm and wet and welcoming. She moaned into my mouth again and I knew what she wanted. I slid off the sofa on to my knees and shifted further down. I hooked her other leg over my shoulder and pressed my face into her heat.

I inhaled deeply and it was like coming home. She gasped as I flicked my tongue out and I could see her arch her back as I sucked hard, using my fingers to spread her apart. I licked quickly from her entrance to her clit, over and over, the noises she was making spurring me on.

"Edward, please," she whimpered. "Oh God, Edward, I need..."

Her words turned into a shriek as I plunged my fingers inside her, not letting up with my mouth, grazing my teeth up to her clit and sucking again. I slammed my fingers in and out and I could feel her starting to tighten around them. I sat up and replaced my tongue with my thumb, pressing and rubbing hard until she convulsed under my hands.

"Edward, oh fuck, EDWARD!" she screamed.

I couldn't wait until she finished. I whipped my hand away and thrust my cock in its place, feeling the last of her orgasm gripping me hard. We cried out together this time. I closed my eyes and lost myself in the sensation, burying myself in her, resetting reality back to where it belonged. Her tight, wet heat was as perfect as ever; I pulled out and drove back in hard.

I needed to reclaim her, so that in turn I would know I was hers. I opened my eyes to see her wide stare registering that something was different. I paused for a fraction to reassure her with a wide smile, and set about showing her that everything was the same as ever, if not better. I leaned forward to kiss her as I moved inside her, picking up my pace and diving deeper. I heard her gasp as I pushed us both to the edge and knowing that she was on the brink again made it impossible to hold back.

I felt her clench around me and I erupted inside her. I should not have doubted this. This had been perfect for both of us for seven years and there was no reason for that to change.

As we lay together breathing heavily I nuzzled into her neck and she twisted her hand into my hair.

"Welcome home baby," I panted.

She tucked her chin down to kiss my forehead.

"I missed you too," she whispered.

* * *

**A/N**

**If you put this story on alert, but did not review, DO IT NOW! [subliminal suggestion] [really]**

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**BIG THANK-YOUS:**

**The TSA for waking me up, and encouraging me.**

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**I'll shut up now.**


	4. Pillow talk is extra

**Thank-you soooooooooo much again for all the reviews. I am only slightly obsessed with Reviews and Alerts. Just a lil bit.**

**I know that the last chapter wasn't so popular with some of you, but I gotta write the story that is in my head, I'm afraid! Guaranteed super-slash JxE this week, I promise.**

**SM owns. I just, I don't know what I do, I just mess about with them.**

* * *

EPOV

The doorbell rang around three o'clock, interrupting my concentration. I grunted in irritation and hit Save before making my way downstairs to answer it. I was hoping it was the new hard drive I had ordered last week, which was taking forever to arrive. I ran my business for a couple of days a week out of the third bedroom in the house, which was completely given over to hardware geekery. Most of my private clients required pretty basic network and security support, but the fun stuff was getting to test and specify new products, and to try to break their security.

The rest of the time I worked as a consultant at a large IT firm. The plan had originally been to give up consulting as the business grew, but the money was just too easy, and to be honest it would not be good for me to spend every day at home on my own. I'd quickly turn into one of those socially incompetent nerds who have totally white skin because they never see daylight and don't have any real friends because they spend their whole time messaging other nerds in a private language that no-one else understands.

I had been halfway through writing a particularly sneaky new algorithm when the bell rang. It would take me hours to retrace my logic to restart work on it.

I yanked the front door open, ready to dump some of my annoyance on the blameless delivery guy, but instead found myself face to face with Jasper. I froze, my hand still on the door handle. Now I really was pissed off.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I snapped at him.

It had been three days since his little visit and I had completely relaxed back into normal life. After the Sunday afternoon sex frenzy, which had continued into the night, it occurred to me that I was over-reacting. I was obviously making Bella concerned and this was no big deal. I still didn't really know quite what had possessed me to go along with his suggestion but I had decided to just forget about it.

I knew I would have to face him again but hadn't counted on it being so soon, or without anyone else around. Having him standing there in front of me, it suddenly didn't seem quite so straightforward.

He gave me that damn knowing smile of his.

"Nice to see you again too, Edward," he responded.

My mouth may have dropped open a little bit, and I somehow failed to stop him stepping inside and brushing past me into the living room. I followed him through, getting that same feeling of being a guest in my own house. He turned to face me, his hands shoved in his jeans pockets, and I looked at him properly for the first time since... well, since.

His straggly dirty blond hair was scraped back into a ridiculous ponytail. He had a light dusting of pale stubble on his jaw, and was staring right back at me with piercing blue eyes. He was wearing faded creased jeans, a striped granddad shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a black waistcoat with frayed seams over the top. And cowboy boots. How could I not have noticed he was gay before? And why the hell was I checking out his clothes? I realised he was smirking at me again, and my mouth was still hanging open. Time to pull myself together.

"Did you come for any particular reason or just to annoy me?" I bit out.

"Annoy you?" he replied. "Of course not. You didn't seem annoyed last time I saw you."

He really couldn't help himself. I wanted to smack that damn smirk off his face.

"I just thought," he continued, "that it might be a good idea to, ah, clear the air before the stag party, seeing as how we are going to be getting really, really drunk together in a few days and I'd quite like to just enjoy it."

Oh GOD, the stag do. I had been trying to put that out of my mind. Emmett had a million friends; I'd been hoping I could simply avoid any contact with Jasper for the entire night. But he was right. We probably couldn't ignore each other completely, and I really didn't want to end up killing the bride's brother a week before the wedding.

"Fine," I said. "Consider the air cleared. In fact, let's just forget the whole thing, OK?"

Jasper paused for a moment, looking at the floor, as if considering a multi-page contract.

"Deal," he finally agreed. "In that case we can be friends. Aren't you going to offer me some coffee?"

I rolled my eyes. The man was exasperating. But you know what, I could rise above it. We had got drunk, we had done something a bit crazy, but no harm, no foul. If he was willing to forget about it then so could I. I had actually got on with him pretty well before... well, before. And I wasn't going to get any more work done today anyway.

Fine. Coffee.

I walked into the kitchen and switched on the espresso machine. He followed me in and started reading the labels on the spice jars stacked in a rack on the wall.

"So how did you know I would be home anyway?" I asked, while I opened cupboards and drawers to gather cups and spoons.

"Rose told me," he replied, not looking up, carefully rolling each spice jar with one finger to line the labels up perfectly straight. "You work from home, right?"

"Yep, some of the time."

Fantastic conversation. Hang on a minute...

"Did you tell her why you were coming to see me?" I asked, suddenly starting to panic again. "I mean, she doesn't know, right?"

Now he looked up, his eyebrows raised.

"Know about what?" he asked. "I can't imagine what you are referring to."

I slammed shut the door of the cupboard and leaned heavily on the counter, hunching my neck into my shoulders. Damn it. He really wasn't going to make this easy.

When I looked round he was resting against the worktop, his arms folded in front on his chest, looking at me curiously.

"Look, Edward," he sighed. "I'm not trying to be a jerk about this. I just don't really get what the big deal is. I understand that you don't want to broadcast what you do in the privacy of your own home, and that's totally fine with me. And if it was a one time thing then that's fine too. But if you feel so weird about it why the hell did you do it in the first place?"

Fucking excellent question. I turned back to the worktop.

I thought back to what had happened, for the first time allowing myself to remember what I had been actively trying to suppress. Why had I let him do it? What possible outcome had I imagined? I tried to think about what had been going through my mind when I made the decision, but all I could remember was being achingly hard and utterly persuaded by his rationalisation. It had seemed completely obvious at the time. And it had been so fucking hot.

I felt my traitorous cock start to stiffen and I briefly squeezed my eyes shut in an effort to will it back down again.

I didn't answer him and started loading coffee into the basket and tamping it down. I laboriously assembled two perfect cups of espresso before finally turning around to hand one to him.

We stood facing each other across the small kitchen, sipping the hot coffee. There was no way I was moving this back into the living room. Not getting cosy on the sofa today, thank you very much.

Jasper raised his eyebrows, still waiting for an answer. I huffed and tried to assemble my thoughts into coherent words.

"I did want to do it," I admitted. "It's just, it's not me, you know? I'm straight. And I'm in a relationship."

Very eloquent.

Jasper looked unconvinced. I stared at my coffee.

"It's none of my business, Edward, and you can totally tell me to fuck off, but that makes absolutely no sense whatever. If you are so straight and so happy, it doesn't explain why you wanted it. And you definitely wanted it. Look me right in the eye and tell me you aren't even slightly attracted to me."

I met his eyes and I could feel my resolve crumbling. All the anger and irritation with him, with myself, seemed completely irrational. Damn it, I wasn't going to go through this loop again.

I drained my coffee and set down the cup.

"OK, OK," I said. "I find you attractive. Or at least my cock does. I have no idea why. This has never happened to me before. But other than that, absolutely you can fuck off. We just agreed to ignore this, remember?"

Jasper's face flickered through a range of emotions from smug and delighted to disappointed and frustrated as he processed my words. He suddenly stepped towards me, crossing the kitchen in one stride and leaned past me to place his cup next to mine. He was standing so close I could feel his breath against my cheek, but I was frozen still, unable to lean away from him. I could feel my heart thumping in my chest; I was trapped by his steady gaze, waiting for whatever was coming next.

He inhaled and breathed out slowly, and then spoke very quietly.

"Do you really want me to ignore this, Edward?" he murmured. "I can if I have to, but I think you'll regret it."

I was hypnotised by his voice. The way he said my name, low in his throat, had a physical effect on my body. I was aware of every inch of my skin vibrating. I could hear my blood pounding in my ears, my breath being forced in and out of my lungs. My mouth was dry, my throat constricting with nothing to swallow. Heat was spreading outwards from my groin, my jeans feeling tighter, a prickle of sweat appearing on my face. Even as my mind fought against it I knew it was somehow futile because my body was betraying me with every heartbeat.

I don't know how long we stood there, staring at each other, our eyes just inches apart. I knew he was waiting for me to decide. If I pushed him away he would go and wouldn't come back. I was paralysed, torn between everything I had ever believed about myself, and everything my senses were screaming at me. I forced myself to look away.

"What is it to you?" I managed to croak. "Why are you doing this to me?"

He paused a moment before replying.

"Because just being in the same room as you drives me crazy. Because I am so turned on by you I can't stop myself."

I turned back to look at him as he continued.

"I told myself that I would come here today and just clear the air and walk away, but honestly, I was hoping you would want something more. And even when you are obviously having a problem with this and I should just walk away, I can't. I will if you tell me to but you'll have to really fucking mean it. Do you want me to leave? Do you want me to walk away right now and pretend like this never happened? I'm here for another ten days, Edward, I haven't got time to be subtle."

I tried to swallow again, my dry throat resisting painfully. I thought about Bella and her beautiful, familiar body and her sweet soft mouth. I thought about how she didn't really need me, she didn't really need anyone. I thought about how comfortable we were together, and how easy it was to be apart.

I looked into Jasper's eyes and saw raw desperation. This man who seemed so collected, so at ease with himself, was laying himself open to me and risking my rejection, my scorn. I was utterly terrified and had never felt so powerful in my life. And suddenly the thought of him leaving, going back to his life in the US that I knew nothing about, without touching me again, was not acceptable.

I shook my head.

He visibly relaxed and raised a hand to touch my face. Suddenly my body was released from its paralysis and my own hand automatically grabbed his wrist before he could make contact. I stepped back, still holding on to him. I shook my head again, and snarled at him.

"I have no fucking idea what is going on here, but do _not_ try to fucking kiss me, OK?"

He relaxed further and the smirk was back, and he held up his other hand in mock surrender.

"What am I allowed to do then?" he laughed.

Fuck it. I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly. I moved the wrist I was still holding until his hand was placed firmly against my now solid cock. My breath caught in my throat at the contact.

"Well, you can start by doing something about this if you want," I ground out.

He looked down at our joined hands and started moving his palm slowly up and down against my jeans.

"My pleasure," he sighed.

I released his wrist and he continued moving his hand, watching as his fingers curled to grip me through the stiff fabric.

I closed my eyes and surrendered. There was still a part of my mind that realised I was just creating more problems but the rational part of me was overwhelmed by Jasper. I was completely and literally in his hands. I leaned back on the counter and gripped the edge with both hands, exhaling sharply each time he changed direction until I was practically panting. I was aware that he was using his other hand to carefully undo the button on my jeans and pull the zip apart, still not releasing me from his insistent stroking.

When he finally let me go I gasped and my eyes blinked open to see him looking right at me, his expression heavy with want. He swiftly replaced his hand, this time thrusting inside my jeans and boxers to grasp me fully. I actually fucking growled; it felt unbelievably good. I kept my eyes open this time, wanting to watch his face, trying to understand what was going on in his head.

He began to pump me slowly again, running his thumb over the head each time, spreading around the drops that were already spilling from my tip. He stepped in closer and pushed at my clothes, working them further down my hips and then slid his hand round to my ass, kneading and rubbing the lean muscle.

His slow pace was starting to drive me insane. It felt perfect, his long, strong fingers completely encircling me, gripping me firmly, but I needed more. I wanted to tell him to go faster, to work harder, but I was incapable of speech. I could only take what he would give me. I stared into his eyes, willing him to understand, to stop torturing me and give me what I wanted. But his eyes just smiled back at me, thoroughly enjoying my exquisite frustration.

I dropped my gaze in defeat but immediately noticed the front of his own jeans were straining to keep him contained. The thought of his arousal turned me on even more. Without thinking I grabbed the buckle of his belt and yanked it open. His face registered surprise, and he started to speak.

"Edward, you don't need..."

Hearing him talk gave me back my voice.

"Shut the fuck up."

I ripped open his button fly and pushed my hand inside before I could reconsider. As I made contact with his bare length he moaned through gritted teeth and for the first time his movement against me faltered.

"Don't fucking stop now, you bastard," I panted at him. I wriggled my hand in further to get a better grip. Jesus, the guy was huge. I set a faster pace and thank God, he followed my rhythm, finally giving me the friction I wanted. Jesus fucking Christ that felt good. His free hand was still doing amazing things to my ass so I dragged his clothes down until I could get my other hand under his balls. I cupped them and rolled them in my palm, feeling them tighten straight away.

We were back to staring at each other, our faces only inches apart, the only sounds in the room our ragged breathing and strangled moans. It was like a juvenile pissing contest, both of us trying to make the other come first. I'd never touched another man like this before and was working entirely on instinct. The power I had felt over Jasper when his eyes had begged me to agree had intensified; the knowledge of how I was making him feel taking my own lust to a whole new level.

But despite my feeling of power, he damn well knew what he was doing. I was rapidly losing the game.

We were both pumping furiously when he shifted even closer and slid his other hand further down my ass. I tensed immediately, not even remotely willing to go there. But he kept it moving until his fingers made contact with the flesh between my balls and tightly clenched hole. My eyes rolled back into my head and I gave up the fight.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I yelled, feeling my every muscle in my body clench as the glorious waves of pleasure shot through me. My orgasm seemed to go on endlessly, thick ropes of warm fluid releasing between us. I had no idea what else was going on and it was only when I eventually started recovering and looked down that I realised that the wet stickiness on my hand and shirt wasn't just from me.

I looked up at Jasper to see him grinning madly at me, still breathing heavily. Neither of us had moved our hands. His smile was infectious, or maybe it was the rush of endorphins, but I knew I was grinning back at him. I had just had possibly the best hand-job of my life, standing in my own kitchen.

Suddenly he closed the small gap remaining between our lips and I didn't care. I hungrily opened my mouth and let him devour me with his tongue. We yanked our hands from where they were trapped between our bodies and grasped at backs and shoulders and necks and hair, pulling each other closer. I could feel his softening cock against my thigh, mine against his, and I ground our sensitive flesh together, still wanting more.

Eventually we broke apart, leaning our foreheads together, our chests heaving.

"No fucking kissing, huh?" he muttered.

"Shut up, asshole," I countered.

We both grinned again. I still had no idea what was going on, but I was in.

* * *

**A/N**

**If you put this story on alert, but did not review, DO IT NOW! PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE!**

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"**OMFG I iz ded, really, really, really ded."**

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"**Your ability as a writer continues to fill me with joy."**

**OR**

"**Thank fuck, no jay-jay." (for Conversed and Lou-La)**

**:P**

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**BIG THANK-YOUS:**

**The TSA for waking me up, and encouraging me.**

**Livinginadw for just being there.**

**The TSC participants, so sorry I was a waste of space.**

**HoochieMomma and EvilGiraffe82 for giving up time and effort to beta my nonsense, they rock my world.**

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**I'll shut up now.**


	5. Specially organised bucket

**Wow, over 100 reviews and they keep on coming. And it is awesome that more than 80 of you will be getting a little email when I click to publish. Thank-you all! **

**Sorry it's late, turns out I really shouldn't promise to update on a specific day. I'll just promise to keep writing until it's done, and that will have to do.**

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**SM owns. I just get them really, really worked up.**

* * *

JPOV

We stood there for a while, letting our breathing return to normal; not looking at each other, holding each other; breathing, breathing.

I felt like I was split down the middle, a war raging inside my mind, unable to fully form one coherent thought before swinging wildly to the opposite point of view. I couldn't deny that this was what I had wanted - this was what I had been dreaming about since the weekend, but it hadn't been my intention to end up here today.

I had been honest with Edward earlier; I wanted to clear the air between us. I couldn't bear the thought of being around him over the next week or so, with all my family and friends, and not being able to be comfortable with him, talk to him, get to know him. I thought that maybe if we could just have a chat, have a laugh about it, I would be able to keep a lid on the outrageous fantasies I had been having for the last three days.

Of course, the second I was back in his presence it all fell apart again.

It was like he had some crazy voodoo thing going on with me and I just couldn't let it go. I could see he was disturbed by it, that part of him wished it had never happened, but I could also tell that there was part of him that was under the same spell, being drawn in against all rational thought.

I knew he was thinking about Bella. I felt pretty bad for her, and if I had been staying around permanently, I told myself, this was a situation I wouldn't get into. But I had one lousy week left before going home, so dammit, just this once I was going to be selfish. It was his call, I told myself, trying to justify my pathetic lack of responsibility.

If one of us didn't speak soon, we could be standing here a long time. Not that I wanted to let go of him, but I could think of more comfortable places to hold him.

"So, I guess the coffee is cold by now," I tried, leaning back very slightly so I could meet his eyes.

He gave a small laugh and released me, finally raising his face to mine. He was chewing the inside of his lip, a wry smile on his face.

"I should probably clean up before I make refills," he said, holding up his sticky hand and gesturing to the counter top that we had splashed fairly liberally.

I lifted my hand to pull him back towards me but he stepped out of reach and turned to the sink, stripping off his shirt and using it to wipe the rest of him before washing his hands. I watched his bare back as he moved, his lean muscles bunching and relaxing easily under his pale skin, and nearly whimpered again when he bent over to throw his shirt straight in the washer.

I was gawping like an idiot when he turned around brandishing a spray bottle and washing up cloth. His chest was sculpted and smooth, lines all leading inevitably downwards, a trace of hair pointing the way down his flat belly to where his jeans were still undone. I made an effort to close my mouth and raise my eyes away from his groin.

His moment of confidence had evaporated and he refused to meet my eyes as he started wiping down the surface, but I wasn't going to let him get away that easily. I yanked my own shirt off and used it to clean up a bit before leaning into his back and hooking my chin over his shoulder.

"Are you seriously making more coffee?" I teased, pressing my bare chest into his hard back.

He froze and I felt his breathing hitch.

"You were the one who wanted coffee," he retorted.

"I changed my mind," I said. "I'd rather have more Edward."

I softly kissed his neck, placing my hands on the counter either side of him, trapping him there while I got to know his shoulders a whole lot better, working my way across his back with an open mouth. He stood completely still, not encouraging but not protesting either. I felt I was back to having to push, to persuade and I didn't like it. I wanted his hungry mouth meeting mine again.

I carefully prised the damn bottle and cloth from his hands and placed gentle pressure on his shoulders to show him I wanted him to turn around. He complied slowly, still looking at the floor.

"Stop thinking about it so much," I suggested. A thought occurred to me.

"You like being in control, don't you?" I asked.

He finally raised his head giving me an appraising look, wondering where I was going with this, then nodded. I stepped back and held my arms out low.

"So take control," I encouraged him. "I'm pretty much a sure thing. So you do what _you_ want to do. You want coffee, have coffee. Do you want coffee, Edward?"

His wickedly delicious smile started to return and I could see him thinking carefully, as he had at the weekend, torn like me between his safe, familiar comfort zone and the irresistible pull of whatever it was that was flowing between us. When he spoke, his voice was low and gravelly.

"I don't want coffee," he ground out.

Here we go.

"What _do_ you want, Edward?"

He smiled more broadly now and I had to let my arms fall from their gesture of supplication, as I swallowed in anticipation.

"I want to fuck you, Jasper."

Halle-fucking-lujah.

I thought my grin was going to split my face in half.

"Might I suggest we move this out of the kitchen?" I asked.

He nodded again and was suddenly by my side, grabbing my wrist and dragging me towards the stairs. OK, so he really, really likes being in control. When we got to the top, I expected him to pull me into his bedroom, but instead he turned into the room I had slept in before. I didn't have a chance to ask why before he shoved me hard against the wall and attacked my mouth with his again.

I let him take the lead, opening my mouth to him, bracing myself against the wall, widening my legs to let him rub into my hardening cock. He leaned against me and I moaned at the feeling of his hard, bare chest against mine. I couldn't keep my hands out of his hair, pulling him into my face. His hands were on my sides, grasping and kneading into my ribs, his mouth sucking and licking and biting at me like he couldn't decide what he wanted to do most.

We broke the frenzied embrace to drag at each others jeans and underwear, stumbling towards the bed, kicking our clothes away leaving hands free to grab and squeeze at bare flesh.

"Have you ever done this before?" I asked breathlessly as he pushed me down on to the bed.

"What, fucked a guy? Are you kidding? I thought we already covered this," he replied, climbing alongside me and grazing his teeth along my collarbone. I groaned and grabbed his hair again, unable to connect my mouth with any part of him as he moved down my body.

"No, I meant, anal sex actually," I gabbled, my mouth obviously in need of something else to do. "I thought maybe, with a girl?"

"Oh. Yes. It was a while ago," he mumbled into my chest, roughly licking a nipple and sucking it hard into his mouth, making me yelp with pleasure.

"With Bella?" I whimpered, still unable to control the verbal blithering. He sat up suddenly.

"What the fuck, is this twenty questions? What difference does it make? I think I know how it works," he snapped.

"OK, sorry, I'll shut up now," I pleaded, kicking myself for making him stop.

"Good. And while you're being quiet, you should know that this only goes one way, OK? Keep your damn fingers and whatever else away from my ass."

"Seriously? Have you never had..."

"Shut. The fuck. Up."

He abruptly got off the bed and left the room. I was left completely naked on the bed, reeling, wondering what the hell had just happened and how I had fucked it up. Before I had time to think any further he was back in the room and he threw a couple of items down on the bed.

"Can we just do this now?" he asked. I looked down at what he had thrown on the bed and saw a bottle of lube and a box of condoms.

I nodded mutely, not trusting my idiot mouth any more. I sat up and reached out to pull him back down, wanting to feel his weight pressing into me, but he grabbed my wrist again and pushed me back, seizing my other hand and joining them together over my head.

Oh yes, he definitely likes being in control. I was so turned on I couldn't contain my groans as he deliberately straddled me and slowly connected our bodies from chest to groin. I yelped as our throbbing cocks touched and he plunged his tongue back into my mouth, grinding and sliding against me, holding me down as I desperately tried to move with him. He had to let go eventually as he broke the kiss and raised his upper body slightly off me.

"Jesus fuck, Jasper," he moaned into my neck. "I need, I need..."

He scrambled back, breathing heavily, fumbling for the supplies he had brought in. I whimpered at the loss of contact, both of us frantic to reconnect. He shook a condom from the box, tearing the foil with shaking hands. I grabbed the lube and smeared a generous amount on my hands. I didn't think he was going to be getting me ready and we were both in too much of a hurry by now. While I watched him expertly sheath himself I thrust a finger inside my hole, growling at the sensation, pumping my aching cock tightly with my other slick hand.

My noise caused him to turn and look, his eyes growing wide when he saw what I was doing. The look of pure lust on his face nearly undid me right there; I stilled my hands and stared back at him, gritting my teeth as he moved between my legs. I added another finger and focused on stretching myself, I didn't think he was going to wait. He gave me only a few seconds before yanking my hand out of the way and leaning over me, lining himself up, transfixed by the place we were about to join. I felt the tip of his cock connect with my entrance and inhaled sharply through my nose. His eyes snapped up to my face, silently checking one last time. I nodded again and he looked back down, and then thrust his tip inside me sharply.

I swore loudly and he stopped. The burn was astonishing, pain and pleasure mixing with heat and desire.

"More," I hissed.

He pushed in steadily, not slow, not hard, not stopping until he was fully inside, both of us moaning, adjusting, breathing, gasping. I willed my muscles to relax and started moving my hand on my cock again, my eyes rolling back as he got the message and started to move too, easing back and forth. He was muttering constantly, a stream of only partly coherent profanity.

My neck was aching from holding my head up to look at him so I lay back and lost myself in the sensation, feeling fabulously full, letting the waves of bliss wash over me.

I tilted my hips up to let him in deeper and was rewarded with a strangled scream of pleasure. He settled back onto his knees taking the weight off his shaking arms and pulled me on to him, thrusting faster with his hips now, not even trying to control his pace. The new angle hit me at just the perfect spot and and I felt my balls starting to tighten. I think I was howling by this point, wanting more, faster, harder.

"Close, Edward," I warned him. "Oh my God, don't stop, don't..."

I came so hard I saw stars, warm ropes of fluid spraying across my chest and neck, every muscle clenching and shaking, Edward still moving inside me, drawing it out so that time seemed to stretch and blur.

"Jesus, Jasper, that is so fucking hot," Edward shouted, watching me, feeling me explode around him.

"CHRIST, Jasper, I'm going to..."

I forced my eyes open to see Edward's face as he followed close behind me, pulsing and jerking into me, his head thrown back, his fingers digging into my thighs, a deep roar ringing in my ears. He was fucking beautiful.

He collapsed, barely managing to slide out of me before falling by my side, his face buried into me, his chest heaving, throwing one arm across me and holding on, tight. I felt like I was floating, but anchored by his warmth at the same time. We lay in silence, a stark contrast to the wild noises just a few moments earlier.

I'm not sure how much later it was that I felt Edward's breathing slowing down and his arm was heavy across my chest. I glanced at my watch and realised I need to move.

"Edward," I groaned. "Edward, you can't fall asleep."

He mumbled at me and burrowed deeper into my side.

"Edward for God's sake," I said, trying to disentangle myself. "What time does Bella get home?"

He was suddenly wide awake, backing off the bed.

"Shit," he snapped. "About six. What time is it?"

"Nearly half five," I replied. "I should go."

"Shit! Shit, I need a shower," he said, frantically scooping up our pile of clothes and trying to separate them out correctly. He was halfway out of the door towards the bathroom when he seemed to remember I was there, and turned back.

"I'm working at the office tomorrow and Friday," he said, almost apologetically.

I nodded, disappointed.

"I think people are meeting at Rose and Emmett's on Friday night," I said.

"Yeah, I think Bella mentioned that," he replied.

"I guess I'll see you then."

"I'll be with Bella."

"I know."

We stared at each other for a few moments until he came back into the room and leaned over to kiss me, softly this time, his hand lingering on my cheek.

"Thank you," he said.

I smiled.

"I'll see myself out."

* * *

_Several days later..._

I lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling of the spare room, wrapped in a towel after my shower. Rose and Emmett had bought the house when they got engaged last year, and it was pretty small. It was strange to be in England but not at my parents' house. During all my previous - if infrequent - visits, I had stayed in my old bedroom, where I had grown up, where I had become me.

I smiled to myself, thinking about all the outrageous fumblings that had occurred in my childhood room. One advantage of being gay before I came out to my parents was that they didn't bat an eyelid at me spending hours at a time in my room with another boy. I would never have been allowed to have a girl in there that much. Of course, finding another gay teenage boy to fumble with was more of a challenge, so I had decided pretty early on that being out and blatant about it was going to get me laid a hell of a lot more than lurking in the closet.

I had my fair share of hate at school, but luckily I grew fast, and all the working out I did that they mocked me for meant I wasn't an easy target for physical bullying. Rose always had my back too. She might have been three years younger than me but she was blonde and beautiful and outrageously popular and had enough influence with the 'in' crowd that most kids didn't want to piss her off.

Plus, I could talk to her about anything. She always teased me that it was no good having a gay brother if I wouldn't go shopping with her and style her hair. But she was endlessly patient when I rambled for hours about my latest crush, and she was a master enabler when it came to sneaking me out to clubs I was too young to get in to and covering for me when my parents asked too many questions. If there was one thing that could ever persuade me to move back to the UK, it was to be closer to Rose, but she had Emmett now so that was even less likely than ever.

Rose and Emmett had invited friends over for beer and curry tonight, before their socialising was severely curtailed in the week before the wedding. Friends obviously included Bella and Edward and I was beyond excited to be seeing him again, but also nervous.

Very, very nervous.

It wasn't like me to be nervous, but nothing was like me when it came to Edward. The last week had been so surreal that I wasn't sure what normal was any more. I had been pretty excited about the trip anyway, as I rarely got back to the UK. I'd lived more of my adult life in New York than in England and hadn't been back for five years, so it wasn't my home any more.

I thought I would spend a bunch of time with my baby sister and catching up with old friends, and doing the whole family thing. I had planned on resting a lot and not doing much of anything. Most of my limited vacation time in the US was usually spent on crazy sports trips or cramming in as much travel as possible, so this was going to be a complete change of pace.

But then I had walked into that pub last Friday night and seen Edward at the bar and all my plans were turned upside down. He was simply the most beautiful man I had ever seen. I had almost turned around and walked straight out again because I didn't think I would be able to spend an entire night in the same house as him without jumping him. As it turned out, I was right.

Tonight, of course, he would be with Bella. He had made it quite clear that while he would eagerly take advantage of any further opportunities that presented, this was between us and no-one else, and was certainly not something that Bella would ever know about. So tonight was going to be pretty strange for both of us. I found myself imagining possible scenarios where I could get him away from the group for long enough to kiss his amazing lips again.

My parents were due to arrive tomorrow for the rest of the week before the wedding, so I would lose the spare room to them and be relegated to the sofa. I wondered if I had time to make the most of my last bit of privacy. Memories of kissing Edward had already given me a semi so I threw the towel off and lay back to think of England. That kiss in the kitchen at his house had been almost more erotic than the act it had followed. It was full of promise and hunger and hope.

I stroked myself swiftly, remembering how he had gripped me confidently, yet needing reassurance at the same time. He's so damn competitive, I bet he's been great at everything he's ever tried in his life. He didn't need any help with what he was doing, I had to pull every trick I knew to stay ahead of him. Thinking of the look of utter bliss on his face when he came made me pump myself harder, remembering too how it felt when he was moving inside me, hovering over me completely naked, seeing his body straining and flexing, running my hands over his taut skin, licking his jaw, his neck, biting his lips, his nipples...

I was interrupted from my activities by Rose banging on the door. At least she did knock. Emmett was known to barge straight in, but he cared less about seeing whatever I was up to than Rose did.

"Get your backside downstairs, Jazz," she yelled through the door. "I need help moving chairs and Em has gone to pick up the food."

I took a deep breath and grabbed my clothes.

"Coming," I called, smirking to myself. I wish.

In the living room, Rose was counting on her fingers trying to work out how many extra chairs we would need. We couldn't possibly all sit at their tiny dining table so she had a stack of trays and side tables set out and was hoping to avoid having to ask anyone to sit on the floor.

"Em, Jazz, me, Bella," she muttered. "Mike, Jessica, Ben, Angela, Sam, Emily. That's ten."

She started counting chairs.

"Eleven," I said.

She looked at me and then back at her fingers.

"I'm pretty sure I can count," she retorted.

"You forgot Edward," I pointed out, trying to keep my voice as even as possible.

"Oh, he's not coming," she shrugged, turning back to re-start her chair count.

There was a rushing sound in my ears and it suddenly got hard to breathe.

"What do you mean he's not coming?" I managed to croak out.

"He has to work late," replied Rose, totally unconcerned. "Happens all the time. He'll miss the curry but might manage a few drinks later if he gets finished."

I sat down heavily on the sofa. Why the hell was I so utterly devastated? The situation was laughable. I was completely worked up over a guy who was supposed to be here with his girlfriend, for an evening when I probably wouldn't be able to touch him or talk to him alone, and who after next week I would probably never see again. I was so screwed.

"OK, can you get the chair from my dressing table upstairs?" Rose was still chattering to me. "And then drag the four dining chairs in here too. We can squeeze three on the sofa, that just leaves two without seats. Do you think I should bring in some garden chairs?"

I swallowed and stood up again.

"Rose, you can't physically fit that much furniture in this room," I sighed. "I'm really sure the guys won't mind sitting on the floor."

I saw her flinch at the thought of her entertaining skills falling short of perfection.

"It'll be like a curry picnic," I teased her.

She snorted with laughter and smacked my arm, and then pulled me in for a hug.

"I miss you, Jasper," she mumbled into my chest.

"I know, baby sister," I replied.

I held her tight for a minute until she shoved me away again and motioned at me to fetch the dining chairs. We pottered about together comfortably, re-arranging seats and setting out plates and cutlery.

Inevitably she started grilling me about my lack of a date for the wedding. To be honest,I was surprised she hadn't brought it up earlier, but I knew I wouldn't get away with it. She would have loved me to turn up with some cute eye-candy on my arm, and there were a couple of possibilities I could have easily persuaded to come along for the ride, but the thought of seeing their faces in the wedding photos for years after just left me cold. Of course now I had the prospect of seeing Edward's gorgeousness in the photos anyway.

I helped Emmett bring in several crates of beer when he got home, and was in the kitchen with him, stacking foil cartons of food in the oven to stay warm, as people started to arrive. I could hear Rose greeting them loudly in the hall, some of the voices familiar from old acquaintance, some new to me. Rose screeched particularly enthusiastically when Bella arrived, and I mentally prepared my game face, determined not to let Edward down.

"Come and meet Jasper," Rose was saying in the hall. "Finally you get to meet my big brother after all these years."

I looked up as Bella swung into the kitchen with Rose close on her heels, but couldn't understand the expression on her face. She froze in the doorway, her mouth slightly open, staring at me like she had seen a ghost.

I smiled politely and put out my hand to shake, but inside my heart was racing. Was it written on my forehead? Was she a mind reader? What the fuck had Edward told her?

* * *

**A/N**

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**Next chapter will be BPOV and have NON-SLASH smut involved. Love is, after all, love, even if it involves vjj. If this will offend your delicate sensibilities I suggest you skip it. **

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**I'll shut up now.**


	6. Dazed and cunfused

**O.M.G. Now over 200 reviews and 150 alerts. Thank-you all so much, I really hope you stay with me!**

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BPOV

_I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe..._

_I know I am standing in Rosalie's kitchen. I've spent enough time in here to recognise it; drinking coffee, drinking wine, generally drinking something. I know she is right behind me, I can feel her shoulder against mine. She's trying to get further into the room but I don't seem to be able to move. I think she is talking to me but there is a strange roaring noise in my ears. _

_I can see his eyes but I can't work out what colour they are. This seems very important to me for some reason. They are sort of golden, honey brown, or maybe darker, hazel; they keep changing. He is staring back at me. I am making him nervous. He's holding his hand out to shake mine. He looks confused. I am confused. I don't understand what this man is doing here. In Rosalie's kitchen. This electrifying man, this man who has taken my breath away. I thought I knew everyone who was going to be here. Except Jasper. I was expecting to meet Jasper. _

_Oh shit. Oh no. This _is_ Jasper._

I forced myself to unfreeze and tentatively held out my hand. He looked positively freaked out by now. Rosalie had finally squeezed past me and was making gushing introductions. The roaring abruptly stopped and the real world rushed back in.

"Jasper, this is Bella, my best fucking friend forever; Bella, this is my fabulous big brother. I'm so excited you finally got to meet each other."

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Our fingers met and it took everything I had not to snatch my hand away at the jolt of sensation that hit me. Rosalie was still spewing forth.

"What the hell are the two of you doing? What's with the fucking handshake? Where's the hugging?"

She was laughing as she shoved us towards each other. He looked horrified. I half stumbled towards him and he caught me against his chest. My body seemed to buzz wherever it touched him, I actually fluttered inside as we collided. I inhaled sharply and breathed in his scent, feeling even dizzier with the combination of fresh linen and mint.

I could tell he wasn't feeling it as he tentatively placed his arms around me and gave me a light squeeze, which was surely just to pacify his sister. Well of course he wasn't feeling it, he would never feel like this about a girl, and something about me was obviously making him cringe. But I didn't care, this was probably the closest I would ever get to him and it felt like heaven. I grabbed handfuls of his sweater and pulled him towards me, hanging on as long as I dared, reluctantly standing back when the acceptable limit of hug time expired.

I really did not want Rosalie to suspect that anything was remotely amiss, so I pulled my face into an expression resembling a normality that I didn't feel and cleared my throat.

"Well, thanks for that, Rosalie," I said sarcastically. "Nice to meet you, Jasper."

He seemed to relax slightly now that I had stopped behaving like a moron.

"Nice to meet you too, Bella."

Holy shit. This was going to be harder than I thought. His voice, his voice; it was like silk over rough wood. My whole body revved up another notch at the sound of him.

I moved carefully towards the back door and fumbled for my cigarettes.

"Fag break," I shrugged, and quickly let myself out in to the cold air. I lit a cigarette with shaking hands and leaned against the wall.

This does not happen to me. I do _not_, _ever_, get affected by men, and certainly not the first time I meet them. I do not lose all sense of self, I do not lose control. How fucking embarrassing. And of all the people for this to happen with, it had to be my best friend's idolised big brother. My best friend's idolised _gay_ big brother. Fan-fucking-tastic.

The frigid air helped to bring my overheated body back to normal and the cigarette calmed me down, as usual. I had always prided myself on my independence. I always called the shots, made the decisions, and made damn sure that they were what I wanted. This was a blip. So, he was sexy and smelled divine and had some crazy effect on my body that I had no control over. Well fine, I could ignore it. I could talk to my friends, I could pretend it wasn't happening, I could go home and recover and forget about it.

I had planned on staying the night, as Edward was working late again, but that seemed like a bad idea now. Not a problem, I could call a cab. Or maybe Edward could come and pick me up. That would work. I'd call him later.

OK, back in control, back inside, back to being Bella.

Thankfully the kitchen was empty when I got back inside, the party firmly in the living room where people were squabbling over naan bread and onion bhajis. I grabbed a beer from the fridge and went in to join them. Rosalie was feigning horror at the fact that everyone was sitting on the floor instead of on her carefully laid out chairs, which Emmett was now dragging back into the dining room to make more space. I found a spot between Mike and Sam and picked at some poppadums.

I sneaked surreptitious glances at Jasper. Every time I looked at him, my stomach did a little flip. Okay, maybe it was a bit lower down than my stomach. He was smiling and laughing now, teasing Jessica about something, arguing with Emmett about the merits of English and American sports. At one point he started groaning in delight at the taste of the curry, apparently something he couldn't get in New York. I nearly had to leave the room at the noises he was making. One time I caught him looking at me too. Probably making sure the crazy lady was still at a safe distance.

The evening descended in to the usual chaos that my friends always inspired. Rosalie cleared away a small mountain of foil cartons and Emmett kept handing out more beer. It was getting pretty late by the time Sam and Emily bailed, and soon after Ben and Angela started making noises about calling it a night. I thought it was time to call Edward to see if I could get that ride home, before numbers got too small and I ended up having to talk to Jasper.

I excused myself for another cigarette and went outside to make my call. I was just about to press Call when the back door opened and I looked up to see Jasper coming out with a cigarette in his hand. He closed the door carefully behind him and looked up. I was frozen again, my thumb hovering over the button on my phone, looking at him looking at me.

"I didn't know you smoked," I blurted out.

He smiled.

"I don't usually. I'm just treating myself as I'm on holiday. It's a _filthy_ habit."

Oh my fucking God. The man should not be allowed to say the word "filthy". I swallowed, all the control I had regained over the last few hours evaporating into the night. I lit my cigarette defiantly and held out the lighter for him. As he took it from my hand, his fingers brushed against me. I felt that zap again, and was astonished to see something in his face that suggested he felt it too. I was imagining things, I decided. It was dark out here.

He lit his cigarette and handed back the lighter. I took it carefully, plucking it from his fingers without touching him. He leaned back against the wall and looked at me.

"I was hoping I would get to know you a bit tonight," he said. "But I seem to make you uncomfortable. Do you want to tell me why?"

"Ok, so you're quite direct, aren't you?"

"Always have been. I find it makes things easier in the long run. And Rosie has implied to me that you are pretty straight talking yourself."

I laughed involuntarily.

"You call her _Rosie_?" I snickered. "Oh, that is priceless."

"Yeah, she's always been my Rosie. I noticed you all call her Rosalie. I guess I'm the only one who can get away with it."

I suddenly felt better. I could do this. We were talking. This was fine. But then he stepped right up close to me and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. Shit, I couldn't do this. I couldn't breathe again. Dammit.

"You didn't answer my question," he murmured.

"Jeez, you want straight talking?" I gathered myself up. I was Bella Swan. No shame. "You don't make me uncomfortable. You make me... _horny_."

I clapped my hand over my mouth, not quite believing I had actually said it. He stood completely still for a few seconds and then turned to flick his cigarette into the grass. Before I could process what was happening, he had torn my hand away from my mouth and pressed his lips to mine. I thought my legs would give way, but his strong arm snaked round my waist and pulled me close against his body.

This was so wrong. In so, so many ways. A very small part of my brain was shouting at me, from very far away. _He's your best friend's brother. He's gay. He's not Edward._ Then his lips parted and his tongue brushed against my mouth and I couldn't hear the little voice any more.

I opened my mouth to let him in and clung to his hard body, pulling him in to me, overwhelmed by the feel of his hands on my back, his leg pressed between mine, his tongue in my mouth. He wasn't gentle, or soft, or hesitant; he was hard and greedy and demanding.

He finally broke away, gasping for air, still holding me pressed to his chest.

"You're staying tonight, yes?"

I looked down at my hand still somehow clutching my phone, Edward's number ready to dial. I looked back at him and nodded mutely.

"Good," he said, reaching up with his thumb to caress my cheekbone, sending shivers through me. His face was unreadable. He pressed another kiss to my forehead and then he was gone, back inside.

I quickly typed a text to Edward to let him know I was definitely staying. I hesitated, ready to send it. I never did anything without carefully considering the consequences. I didn't believe in fate, or signs, or any of that bullshit. It hadn't occurred to me that my time with Edward might be coming to an end. I never expected it to last forever, these things just don't. But I hadn't been remotely interested in anyone else since we had been together. But then, never in my life had I felt anything like the raw attraction I felt towards Jasper. The thought of his tongue in my mouth sent another wave of desire through my body.

I couldn't ignore it. I wouldn't. I'd decided long ago to live my life for myself and no-one else, no matter how much I cared about them. I pressed Send. I'd live with the consequences tomorrow.

When I got back inside, Ben and Angela had left and Rosalie was employing her favourite technique for getting Mike to leave by threatening to put her High School Musical DVD on. Jessica dragged him off the sofa and then they were gone too.

There was some brief, awkward and insincere arguing between me and Jasper over who was getting the spare room and who was on the sofa. Rosalie and Emmett went upstairs to let us work it out between us, leaving a pile of bedding on the floor for the lucky winner. We sat in silence at opposite ends of the sofa, watching each other, listening to them moving about upstairs. The bathroom door opened and closed a couple of times, we heard water running and the toilet flush. There was a quiet click as their bedroom door finally closed. We sat, breathing as quietly as possible, waiting to be sure they weren't coming out again.

I don't know if I moved first or he did, but we met in the middle of the sofa in a tangle of hands and mouths, the tension of the evening exploding in a crazy struggle to get rid of clothes without breaking contact. Within seconds we were naked, our mouths exploring each other, always coming back to connect our tongues, our hands grasping flesh, pulling hair, our bodies shifting and sliding against each other. His body was beautiful, lean but defined, long limbs and strong fingers, and the most gorgeous, smooth, hard cock, rubbing and digging against me as we pressed together.

He reached between my thighs and moaned when his fingers found my bare lips wet and ready for him. He flicked quickly over my clit and immediately dipped a finger inside me, making me shudder blissfully. I needed him so badly I was pushing wantonly at his hand, desperate for friction, wanting so much more. I practically sobbed when he pulled away from me, leaving me panting on the sofa while he went scrabbling amongst his clothes where they had been thrown on the floor. I had recovered a modicum of sanity by the time he proudly produced a condom from his jeans pocket.

"Just how much of this did you plan?" I whispered at him. "Or do you always have one in your pocket?"

"Are you complaining?" he teased, ripping open the foil.

"Not. At. All," I replied, tweaking the condom from his hand and pushing him on to his back.

I curled one hand around his delicious cock, my fingers not quite meeting as I stroked him slowly, delighting in the stifled moans I caused as he gritted his teeth in an effort to stay quiet. I had to resist the urge to take him in my mouth right there, because I needed him somewhere else more urgently. I rolled the condom on to him and climbed up his body, straddling him awkwardly on the sofa, grabbing his hand and guiding it back down between my legs.

But he easily snapped his wrist from my grasp and sat up, flipping me on to my back and pinning me against the cushions.

"I think you like being in control just a little bit too much, Bella," he said. "I think it's about time you let someone else take over."

I didn't care by this point, as long as he was going to be inside me. He settled between my legs and stroked his fingers in to my wet heat. I pushed up against him, wanting more, pulling his face down towards mine, desperate for his tongue, for some part of him to consume me.

I felt him line himself up and he broke our kiss as he thrust into me, hard. I started to scream but his hand was on my mouth before a fraction of the sound escaped.

"Be quiet!" he hissed. "If you can't be quiet, I'm going to stop. Can you be quiet?"

I nodded under his hand. Jesus, don't let him stop. He was stretching me and filling me in an extraordinary way, holding still inside me, driving me crazy with need.

"OK, now I'm going to take my hand away..."

I shook my head as hard as I could, given that he was pressing it in place. I didn't want him to let go. The feeling of being helpless under him was turning me on even more. And I wanted to be able to scream into his hand.

He grinned wickedly.

"Oh, you like that, do you?"

I tried to show him with my eyes just how much I liked it. He shifted his weight slightly on to his knees, lifting me up, causing his cock to shift to a new angle inside me. I moaned under him as he slid his free arm under the back of my knee, pushing it towards my chest, his other hand still firmly in place over my mouth. Then his slid himself out of me so slowly I thought I was going to implode with need. He stopped just before he was all the way out, teasing me with the tip of his cock. I frantically tried to shift my hips, to take him back in but he was holding me too securely in place.

"You want some more?" he murmured. "Are you going to be quiet?"

I whimpered helplessly, knowing that there was no way I could comply.

"You better be quiet, Bella," he continued. "Because I am going to fuck you now and you really won't want me to stop."

I clenched my teeth and closed my eyes, breathing fast through my nose, desperate for some friction, anything to ease the building heat. He slammed in to me so hard and deep I saw stars beneath my eyelids. He set a searing pace, sending wave after wave of sensational pleasure through me. I let myself shriek into his hand, hoping like hell it was enough to muffle the sound, hoping even harder that he wouldn't carry out his threat and stop. I managed to control it down to an earthy moan each time he crashed back into me.

He had to release my mouth eventually, needing both hands to pull me to meet his thrusts. I bit down on my lip so hard I tasted blood.

"Touch yourself," he growled at me, and I immediately complied, desperate to come, to release the throbbing ache inside me.

My fingers found my swollen clit and I pinched and rubbed it furiously, pulling both knees closer to my chest as I felt the wave about to break.

"God, Bella," he ground out. "I'm so close, I can't hold it..."

I opened my eyes and the wild look of sheer ecstasy on his face sent me over the edge, my body convulsing with floods of pleasure, losing myself in the rapture, my whole world concentrating on the feeling in every nerve of my body.

As the sensations receded he lay down carefully on top of me, kissing my face, along my jaw, into my neck. He lifted his head and smiled down at me, and I grinned back. I shifted over to let him lie next to me and nestled against his chest, listening to his heart gradually returning to a normal pace. He reached out with one arm and snagged the duvet from the pile Rosalie had left on the floor, flipping it over us and wrapping it around me. I felt blissfully relaxed, like I had come home, like I belonged here, and we lay silently for some time, not wanting to speak. But I did need some answers.

"OK, spill," I demanded, eventually, not looking up, talking into his chest. "I am obviously missing something fairly key here. Since when have you not been gay? Rose said you came out at school, for Christ's sake."

I could feel him smiling into my hair, his fingers slowly tracing circles between my shoulders.

"I _knew_ in school," he started. "I knew by then that I could be just as attracted to a girl as a boy. The whole situation with Alice proved that."

"Who the hell is Alice?" I asked, irrationally irritated.

"OK, I'm not telling this very well. The point is, I was already out when I found out I like girls too, but everyone knew I was gay, and having gone through all that shit once I couldn't face it again. So I decided to wait 'til I was at college. Nobody would know me, so I'd be free to date whoever I wanted."

He paused, considering his words.

"Anyway, I decided to travel for a year before starting Uni. I thought I'd meet different people, see where my feelings took me. But then just six weeks into the trip, I met Peter and I lost all interest in finding anyone else."

"And who the hell is Peter?" I asked, feeling completely lost by now.

"Rosie really hasn't told you much about me, has she?" he laughed. "Peter was the love of my life. We met in Thailand, both travelling, both exploring. We stayed together the whole year. Looking back I realise I was always the one making changes to fit in with him. I altered my itinerary to follow him round the planet. He was American; he persuaded me to apply to the same college as him in the US. I gave up my place at Uni in Manchester and at the end of the year I moved to New York to be with him. As you can imagine, my parents were horrified and Rosie was devastated. But I was completely crazy about him. I couldn't imagine being apart from him."

He shrugged and paused again, so I just waited for him to continue.

"Halfway through the first semester I found him fucking a grad student in our apartment."

"Holy fuck, no!" I exclaimed, pushing myself up to look at him, truly horrified.

Jasper laughed.

"You have a mouth like a trucker, Bella Swan. And holy fuck, yes, I'm afraid. He just looked at me and laughed. He said that just because we weren't travelling any more didn't mean we should stop exploring. I was stuck. I couldn't go back to England and admit to my family they'd been right. And I wasn't giving up my place at NYU for anything. I moved out that night and spent the next three years avoiding him and trying to remember who I was."

My mouth was hanging open by this point.

"I dated a lot. Guys, girls, sometimes both at the same time. Finally doing the discovery I should have done when I was travelling. By the time I finished my degree I was happy there, so I've been there ever since. I guess I was always more attracted to men in the first instance, but I learned in the end that it was better not to discriminate. I still tell people I'm gay just to get it out in the open; it's a whole lot easier than trying to explain the complicated reality."

"But you never fell in love again?" I asked.

"Nope. I'm still waiting I guess," he replied. "What about you? Are you in love with Edward?"

I was startled by the change in direction of the conversation. I didn't want to talk about Edward.

"I love him," I stated. "He makes me happy."

Jasper raised an eyebrow at me.

"That's not what I asked," he challenged.

It was my turn to shrug.

"Then I don't know what you want me to say. If you are talking about romantic, squealing, heartthrob teenage stuff then no, I'm not. And I don't want to be. That kind of love is utterly destructive and pointless. It never lasts. People get hurt."

Jasper looked unconvinced.

"You've never felt like that about anyone?" he asked.

"No. Is that how you felt about Peter?"

"Yep. Definitely with the squealing."

"And you got hurt. Why would you want to go through that again?"

"I don't think it's something you can choose. You either feel it or you don't. And yes, I would risk being hurt again if I could feel that intensity, that rush. It's like - it's like flying. It's better than sex."

I snorted at that.

"I think you've been doing it wrong,"

"You say that after what we just did?" he laughed. "Oh believe me, I've done it every which way you can think of. And anyway, you're not in a position to judge. If you've never been in love you have nothing to compare with."

I let it go. A wave of sleepiness hit me and I relaxed back down in to his arms. I should probably get up and go to sleep in the other bed. Just a few more minutes here.

Just a few.


	7. Pretty boys in cages

**Thank-you so much to everyone who has reviewed, I absolutely love it. The nearly 200 of you who have this story on alert and have not reviewed – I know who you are [stern face]. Reviewers will be rewarded...**

**In the mean time, just so you all know, livinginadw ROCKS MY WORLD. That is all.**

**You can follow my incoherent mutterings on Twitter, AT lilmizzhyde.**

**SM owns. I just get them really, really worked up.**

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JPOV

I should probably feel guilty, or at least a bit ashamed, but I don't. It just all feels so good; better than anything I have felt for a very long time. Maybe I'm a sociopath, or I have finally become totally unhinged, but I can't summon up an ounce of regret.

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EPOV

I was late. I'm never late. It was deliberate. All I could think about all day, and all of yesterday, was what would happen when I saw Jasper again. We were meeting for the stag do at some hideous cheap pizza place to load up on carbs before hitting Emmett's favourite dodgy club for a night of expensive beer and frighteningly young, skinny girls rubbing up against us. I had been looking forward to it for months. Now, my mind just kept going over my unclear memories of the club layout to try to remember if there was anywhere I could feasibly get Jasper out of everyone else's sight for long enough to fuck him again.

I had, obviously, lost the plot completely. Particularly as I was also trying to avoid having to actually talk to him before we got to the club, by being late to dinner. I was, officially, a teenage girl.

Apart from the desperation to have anal sex in the corner of a crappy nightclub, of course.

I didn't want to talk to him for a lot of reasons. Primarily, because I was way too sober - I slammed back a couple of shots of vodka before leaving the house to try to deal with that one. I also didn't want to have to answer any questions about last night. He would have been expecting to see me, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't sit there with Bella and pretend I wasn't thinking about him. I'd just end up groping his cock in the kitchen or something. I knew I was being a total shit, but I couldn't bring myself to worry about that now. He'd be gone in a week and I could forget about him then.

Bella hadn't come home before I left. She had planned on staying at Rosalie's house anyway, but I had thought she might make it back in the afternoon. I was quite glad she hadn't, and then felt bad for being glad. I guess I'd been fairly distant with her for the last few days,but if she'd noticed she hadn't said anything.

On with the show.

I was the last to arrive. I squeezed on to the end of the table between Seth and Emmett's dad, old Cormac McCarty. Like Emmett, he was built like a bear and twice as loud. He and Emmett carried on an intermittent conversation about the Formula One championship throughout the meal, despite being at opposite ends of the table. I scanned for Jasper as I sat down, spotting him half way along the table, deep in conversation with one of Emmett's work pals. He didn't look up, and I forced myself to avoid looking his way again. I consumed as much pizza and meat as I could without seriously compromising my beer drinking capacity, and started that ball rolling with pitchers of revolting watery lager.

Emmett's best man, Garrett, finally herded the party out in to a waiting mini-bus for the short trip across town to the club. I stuck close by Seth, probably freaking him out completely, to make sure I knew who I was sitting next to.

By the time we got to the club and were whisked in through the VIP entrance, I started to relax. It was too loud in here to have any hope of a coherent conversation, and I was on my way to being mildly buzzed. Garrett had done a superb job of organising and led us to a reserved table where we could order drinks without having to fight our way to the bar. I promptly procured a line of shots and set about working my way through them.

I was keeping my eyes down, but I guess I was waiting for Jasper to come to me. He had made all the moves so far, even when he put me in charge. I finally had to look up when Emmett crashed into the bench next to me, with a barely dressed girl in his lap and another hanging on to his arm, who he was steering in my direction. How the hell does he do that?

I let her slide on to my legs and glanced past her to see if I could spot Jasper. I realised we had been there nearly an hour already and was kind of surprised, and not a little irritated, that he had left me alone this long. I couldn't see him anywhere. He wasn't at our tables, or with the guys dancing nearby.

Shit. What if he was waiting for me to come to him? He said I should take control. Oh God, what if he had changed his mind? Was he avoiding me? I wasn't given a chance to dwell on any of these thoughts, as the girl in my lap had given up trying to get my attention by talking to me and started licking my ear instead. I shuddered and stood up, lifting her off myself in the process and placing her back down in my seat. I really couldn't be bothered to explain, so I just left her there, looking vaguely startled, and started walking in the direction of the stairs that led up to the chill-out rooms at the top of the club. Maybe he was in one of those.

I finally spotted him at the far side of the dance floor. He was leaning against a wall, one knee bent and his foot tucked up, sipping from a bottle, watching the mass of gyrating bodies around him. I stared at him, willing him to turn and look at me. It felt like he knew I was there but was deliberately not looking. Fuck it. I changed direction and stalked over towards him. I was about ten feet away, pushing past sweaty bodies, when he finally turned. And there it was. The damn smirk, a glint of triumph in his eyes at making me come to him.

He watched me as I covered the last bit of floor and stood next to him. It was too loud to hear each other so we just stood there, looking at each other, not touching. I couldn't grab him and drag him off in the middle of the club, so I jerked my head up towards the stairs and stepped back. He hesitated for just a moment, but long enough to ratchet my nerves up another notch, and then pushed off the wall to follow me.

There were three small rooms in the upper floor of the club, all with huge glass windows overlooking the main dance floor. The music was quieter and they were filled with sofas and small tables. They were also all full of people. I found a relatively empty corner in the middle room and turned to face Jasper.

"Are you avoiding me?" I asked in a low voice.

"I thought _you_ were avoiding _me_," he replied.

Damn. He had a point. He was completely relaxed, as always, still waiting for me to come to him, mentally as well as physically. Having spent the last few days going round in circles in my head, and finally deciding to just go with whatever the hell this was, I was now wound up so tight I was practically vibrating. Just standing here, so close, it was taking everything I had not to slam him against the wall and press myself against his body.

"I was working," I said, defensively.

"So I heard," he said, smiling. "I missed you."

"You missed me? Then why do I feel like you are making me work for this?" I retorted.

"Work for what? It's not supposed to be work, it's supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be pleasure. But you have to want it. Did you miss me, Edward?"

"Yes, I bloody missed you," I admitted, furiously. "And I do want it, I fucking want it, OK? I think you've made your point."

He grinned at me, lighting up at my words. The look of smug control on his face was replaced, just for a moment, by genuine delight and anticipation. He looked around, as if taking in our surroundings for the first time.

"Well, this isn't going to be suitable at all," he said. "Come with me."

He grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the door. I yanked my hand back hard, breaking the contact that was thrilling me and terrifying me at the same time.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I hissed.

"Oh sorry, I guess I'm not used to hiding," he said, not sounding very sorry at all. "Come on."

He walked out of the room and headed further away from the main staircase. I hadn't been to this part of the club before.

"Where are we going?" I whispered.

He winked at me. Fucking winked. Again.

"Trust me?" he asked.

"Not remotely," I replied.

We reached the end of the corridor and Jasper pushed against a door marked 'Staff Only'. I stopped dead as he stepped through, my automatic reluctance to break the rules kicking in. He waited patiently. Who the hell was I kidding? I was breaking so many rules already, this was the least of my problems.

I followed him through in to what looked like a large storage area. The lights weren't on but the light spilling in from the corridor showed the walls lined with metal racks holding cleaning supplies, bales of paper towels and buckets. The door closed by itself, leaving us in the dark. A fire exit at the back of the room had a faintly glowing green emergency light, and as my eyes adjusted I could make out Jasper's face looking ghostly and pallid.

"How the fuck did you know about this place?" I whispered.

"Had a look around earlier," he smirked.

"You planned this?" I asked, incredulous.

"Not planned as such. I just like to be prepared," he shrugged.

"Yeah, you'd make such a great boy scout," I laughed, my anger and frustration dissipating.

"Absolutely," he replied. "You should see what I can do with a piece of rope."

I nearly choked at that, and then we were both laughing, the giddiness surfacing now that we were alone and relatively safe. I needed to touch him, all my suppressed need threatening to overflow. I reached out, sliding my hand around the back of his neck and pulling his face to mine. The relief at the feel of his lips on my mouth was overwhelming. I tried not to think about how attached I had got to this sensation in such a short time.

I pulled him back towards the door, crashing into a stack of mops along the way and finally I got to feel his body pressed into mine as I hit the wall. He ran his hands greedily down my sides as I pushed my tongue into his mouth and was rewarded with a growl, low in his throat. His hands got busy with my belt and buttons and my cock was jumping to meet him. I had both hands in his hair by this point, twisting it in my fingers, holding him as close to me as possible. I wanted to devour him, and be devoured at the same time.

But he had other ideas. As soon as he had pushed my trousers and boxers as far down as he could reach, he placed his hands on my face and broke the kiss. He dropped swiftly to his knees and before I could react, his mouth was on my cock. _That_, I reacted to.

"Fuck, shit, fuck, oh GOD," was all I could manage.

I didn't think it was possible to get that hard that fast. He was sucking and swirling his tongue, his hands gripping my hips, fingers digging into my skin, sliding me in and out. All I could feel was hot, wet, tight, slippery, until he dragged his teeth over the head and I thought I was going to pass out. He moved one hand to grasp me as he carried on teasing and sucking and grazing his lips and teeth over me.

I sank slowly down the wall, my bare ass hitting the cold floor, my legs no longer able to support me. Somehow Jasper sank with me, his expert hand never letting go, his talented mouth connecting with licks and sucks whenever he could.

He licked all the way from my tip to my balls in slow, languorous sweeps, then took each ball in turn into his mouth, sucking and pulling. His hand continued stroking me firmly, twisting his thumb over the top, spreading the moisture gathering there. I slid further down the wall so I could tilt my pelvis up to meet him. I have no idea how he was getting his face down there, maybe lying on his front or resting on his knees and elbows. I didn't care and I couldn't see in the dark anyway.

I still had my hands in his hair, and as he licked further under my balls towards my hole my grip tightened and I flinched, despite the waves of pleasure he was causing. He stopped and looked up at me. I could just see his pale eyes in the sickly green light.

"Trust me," he said, his voice low and hoarse. It was a command this time, not a question. "Let me make you feel good."

I stared back at him for a moment, not knowing if he could even see my face. I already felt good. I felt fantastic. Could it get better? I released his hair from my fingers, breathing deeply. I had come this far. Jesus, I was getting blown by a guy in a club storeroom. I could always knee him in the head if it was awful.

He bent his head again and I whimpered as his mouth reconnected with my cock, repeating the whole sequence from tip to balls again, pumping me harder now, driving me crazy. His tongue was joined by the fingers of his other hand, rubbing and gliding wetly around that magical triangle of skin.

As seemed to happen every time with Jasper, I was fighting an internal battle - this time, between the amazing sensations sweeping my body and the mental block I had firmly in place regarding anything getting near my ass.

I flinched again as I felt a finger brush against my hole, a strangled cry escaping through teeth I hadn't realised I was gritting.

"Relax, Edward," he muttered, barely audible from the floor.

"Shut the fuck up, Jasper," I spat. "Just get on with it."

I swear he chuckled.

The same wet finger swept over my hole again and I forced myself to breathe slowly. He kept circling and passing, all the time working my cock with his hand and mouth. His mouth was so fucking amazing I just had to give myself over to it. His finger didn't seem to be going anywhere further and I was beginning to enjoy the tickling slipperiness against my puckered skin.

Jasper picked up speed, opening his throat, and I could no longer control my breathing. Just like the first time, he took me all the way down and licked my balls, making me groan and swear. I really hoped that the music in the club was loud enough to mask the noise I was making because I was just about to really lose it.

Three things all happened at once. My orgasm burst from me without warning, and at that exact moment Jasper tugged down on my balls with one hand and slid his finger inside me with the other.

I thought I was losing my mind.

I thought I would never be able to stop cumming. He was swallowing around me and his finger was curling and drawing out the most intense orgasm of my life. The faint green light faded out completely as my eyes rolled back in my head and I screamed, shuddering and out of control. I only realised it was over when he released me with a final lick, and removed his finger. It burned on the way out and I groaned again.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Jasper, you're going to kill me," I gasped, unable to move from where I had ended up on the floor.

I heard him laugh as he scrambled round to sit next to me on against the wall, still panting himself.

"Trust me yet?" he asked breathlessly.

"No, I don't fucking trust you!" I shouted.

We both laughed, slightly hysterical with breathlessness and desire.

"Maybe a little bit," I conceded, finally managing to open my eyes and turning towards him.

I had slid so far down that my shoulders were on the floor, giving me a close up view of the difficulties his trousers were having containing him.

"What about you?" I croaked out.

"It's OK, Edward," he replied, turning to look down at me. "I enjoyed that very much."

"No, it's not OK," I retorted, scrambling up on unsteady legs. "_That_ is not going away by itself."

I reached a hand down and helped him to his feet. He leaned back against the wall.

"Honestly Edward, you don't have to worry about it."

"For God's sake Jasper, you are the most infuriating man I have ever met. I am not _worried_. Let me take care of this. I may not have much experience in this area but I'm sure you can let me know what you want."

"Let you know what I want?" he was laughing again. "What I want is to fuck your brains out against the wall, but that's not going to happen is it?"

"Er, no. I mean, it wasn't as bad as I expected..."

He snorted loudly.

"OK, God, it was great, you want a fucking medal? Just let me do something. It's not like I haven't before."

I didn't give him a chance to come up with some smart-arse reply. I leaned in to kiss him, one hand wandering to what was fast becoming my favourite place in his hair at the back of his neck. I tasted myself on him as I palmed his hard cock through his trousers and he gave in, unbuttoning his fly and shoving his jeans down. No underwear. Of course. I wrapped my hand around his hot flesh and felt him twitch as he moaned into my mouth.

This wasn't going to take long.

* * *

I had no idea how long we had been gone, but no-one seemed to have noticed. The rest of the evening passed much as expected, with a lot of booze and ridiculous dancing and inappropriate groping of faceless girls. There was no awkwardness between Jasper and me, we were just part of the group, having a good time, trying to prevent our stag from falling down drunk or doing anything that would lead to Rosalie handing him his balls on a plate.

Maybe I'm a sociopath. Maybe I had finally become totally unhinged. I should probably have felt guilty. Or at least a bit ashamed. But I didn't. It just all felt so good; better than anything I had felt for a very long time. I couldn't summon up an ounce of regret.

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**Big enormous thanks to EvilGiraffe82 and HoochieMomma for superlative beta services, pandering to my excessive neediness and pestering. I couldn't do this without you dahlinks.**

**Here is my review begging. Some of you would like to know if Jasper and Bella got caught at the end of the last chapter. I have written an outtake about that. If you would like it, please review and I'll send it to you. Otherwise, you may never know...**

**To continue to make reviewing as simple and pleasurable as possible, here are this week's C&P options:**

"**I am thankful for the hot, hot, smutty boysecks, don't stop, please don't stop, please, please, Oh GOD..."**

**OR**

"**But, but, but, what about Bella falling asleep on the sofa?"  
**

**I'll shut up now.**


	8. Pushing forward and arching back

**Firstly – thanks so much to all my reviewers, you are all very much appreciated.**

**Second – apologies for the long wait, RL is a bitch sometimes.**

**Third – this chapter would have looked very different if livinginadw wasn't brave enough to give me her [could do better face] so y'all owe her.**

**So today we are starting with a little bit from Emmett. More from him later.**

**SM owns. I just get them really, really worked up.**

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EmPOV

What a great night.

I'm assuming it was a great night because I am seriously in need of the two kindly persons holding me relatively upright as we stagger towards my house. At least, I think we are staggering towards my house. I really hope we are nearly there as even with the extra support, I'm really not sure I can keep vertical much longer.

I wonder who they are, these kind, kind strangers?

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JPOV

It didn't take much to persuade Edward to help me carry Emmett home. The minibus dropped several others off first, and then let us out at the end of the road. We propped him up, each taking one of his arms around our shoulders, our other arms wrapped around his waist, touching each other all the way from wrist to bicep.

Emmett was muttering his thanks and undying love to us, in between occasional bursts of indecipherable singing, but I'm not convinced he knew who we were. We grinned at each other across his back, shifting every now and then to rub our arms together.

The delicious encounter in that stupid storage room had only served to whet my appetite, and from the look on Edward's face, I could tell he wasn't ready to go home yet. I knew he was thinking about what I'd said I wanted to do to him, and I wanted him to think about it - a lot. What seemed totally out of the question to him a week ago was now at least on his mind.

I hoped.

I was very glad Edward had agreed to help, for all sorts of reasons, but right at that moment it was mostly because I'm pretty damn sure I wouldn't have made it to the front door without him. I'm not exactly a skinny white boy, but Emmett is just fucking huge, and about as manoeuvrable as an oil tanker. We managed somehow to get him to turn on to his front path and prop him up against the wall so that I could fish out my key and open the door.

Rosie had vacated the premises for the night. When our parents had found out that they had arrived on the day of the stag do, they had immediately decamped to the nearest hotel, and insisted on treating Rosie to a night at their expense. From the smug smile she shot me I suspect she had been counting on it.

In theory, we were supposed to get Emmett upstairs and into his own bed. As we paused at the first step he swayed alarmingly. On closer inspection, he appeared to have his eyes closed already.

Edward and I exchanged glances.

"Sofa?" I suggested.

Edward nodded in agreement and we changed direction, slowly, dragging a stumbling Emmett in to the living room. We deposited him unceremoniously on to his back on the sofa where he immediately started snoring.

"I'll go grab a blanket," I whispered, quite unnecessarily, as I don't think a tornado would have woken Emmett at that point, and headed upstairs. In the end, I dragged the duvet off his bed and hauled it back down, throwing it over him where he lay, still in his shoes and coat. I heard Edward moving about in the kitchen and found him pouring several large glasses of water. He held one out to me; I took it carefully and put it straight down. I was really thirsty but I could wait a couple more minutes.

I stood right next to him, as close as I could without touching him. He's maybe an inch or so taller than me but we were basically eye to eye. I wanted him to do it, I wanted him to lead without me telling him to. He waited only a moment before leaning across that small space and capturing my lips with his. I melted into him, savouring the warmth of his hard chest as I wrapped my arms around his waist, grasping his shirt at the small of his back.

For the first time, there was nothing frantic about our kiss. It was slow and sweet, our tongues lapping and tasting, teeth tugging at lips. He reached his hands into my hair and held my head gently, angling it to one side to let him explore my mouth more easily. There was no hurry, no fuss, no desperation. I felt like Edward had finally stopped fighting me, stopped fighting himself. I was lost in the bliss of his acceptance.

There was an almighty crash from the living room and we broke apart, disentangling silently, Edward's face a mask of alarm. We crept to the living room door, to find Emmett was now lying face down on the floor. We both chuckled quietly and I went to try to re-arrange him. I took a chance, squatting down to raise his head just enough to stuff a cushion under it, and tucked the duvet back over him.

I started to back off, when he suddenly shouted something about egg sandwiches, and hurled himself on to his back, his arms spread wide. I shifted the nearby coffee table to a safe distance before moving the cushion back under his head. He immediately started snoring again; I let out the breath I hadn't realised I was holding.

As I straightened up, I nearly yelled out as I unexpectedly felt Edward's arms snake round my waist. He pulled me back against his chest, his lips and teeth tracing a hot path across the back of my neck. He was grinding his dick against my ass, leaving no doubt as to where this was going. The sweet mood of a few moments ago had evaporated, replaced by desire and heat.

* * *

EmPOV

Fuck. That fucking hurt. How the fuck did I fall out of bed? I've never fallen out of bed before. I think. Not that I can remember anyway. The second the room stops spinning I'm gonna get right back in.

X

Where did this pillow come from? Am I on the floor? I'm pretty sure I'm still on the floor, because it's damn uncomfortable. I appear to have a duvet on top of me too. Maybe I won't bother getting back into bed. Moving seems to be a lot of effort.

I'm going to throw up if I keep lying on my belly. Maybe the floor would be less hard if I turned over. God I'm hungry. I could kill a MacDonald's right now. Or an egg sandwich. I have no idea why that seems so appealing. OK thinking about food is a bad idea. I really need to turn over.

X

God, that was hard work. I don't think I'm in my bedroom. The carpet feels all wrong. Maybe I have fallen out of bed before, why do I know the carpet textures? I can hear weird little grunty, moany noises. Shit, it sounds like someone making out. That is so not fair. I'm the one getting fucking married. I should be making out.

X

There's definitely making out going on. They must think I'm asleep... Maybe if I pretend to snore they'll keep going and I can watch for a bit. That would be hot. If I don't get to do it myself I can at least have a bit of a perv. Maybe I'm in someone else's bedroom? I wonder who it is. Jasper was supposed to bring me home.

X

I can open one eye just a teeny tiny bit, and I can see that the face making the noises I can hear is Jasper. Damn. I'm not sure I want to see this so much. There is definitely someone behind him. Jasper's face is all scrunched up and he's kinda squirming about, rubbing up against, against... whoever it is. I can't see the other guy. How the hell did he find a dude to bring home with him? Gotta keep the snoring noises going. I'm a genius.

I can tilt my head a little bit to the side, and open my other eye to get a better view. Jesus, I think I could sit up and sing Sweet Home Alabama right now and they wouldn't notice. If they take it much further I might have to. There are some things a guy just does not want to see his nearly brother-in-law doing, regardless of his sexual orientation.

Jasper is turning away from me now. Oh shit, they're going to kiss. I'm definitely going to close my eyes again. But if I just shift a tiny bit further I might be able to see the other guy's face, just a bit further, over to the side...

OH MY HOLY MOTHER FUCKING GOD IT'S EDWARD.

* * *

EPOV

Emmett's hog-like snoring suddenly turned into a hacking cough, and we stopped instantly, having somehow forgotten his presence. We stood still and silent while he huffed and thrashed about, until he settled back down and the snoring started up again. Jasper grabbed my hand without looking at me, leading me out of the living room and up the stairs.

Jasper didn't let go of my hand as we sat next to each other at the foot of the bed in the spare room. The frantic need in me had not abated but I could enjoy the moment, the feel of his thumb circling over the back of my hand, the sound of our breathing in the quiet of the house, the look of desire on his face.

But just for a moment or two.

I twisted on the bed, tucking a leg up underneath me so that I could lean forward to place a soft kiss on his mouth. I freed my fingers from his to start unbuttoning his shirt while I worked my lips along his jaw. I was fascinated by the roughness of his skin, coated with just a day or two of scratchy stubble. It was mesmerising; I wanted to lick it, so I did. The low whimper he gave me in return went straight to my cock. _I_ was doing this to him, _I_ was getting this reaction.

His shirt had too many damn buttons. He wasn't helping at all, just sitting there making strangled moaning noises and arching his neck against my mouth. I got the last button free, and had reached his ear, pulling the lobe gently between my teeth, licking just behind. I pushed the shirt off his shoulders and he shrugged out of it, finally turning time to kiss me back, harder this time. The deliberate slowness was somehow making it all more intense, my body burning and trembling in anticipation.

He was still making no move to get rid of any more clothes, either mine or his, and I was getting more and more desperate to feel his skin against me. I wanted all of it, all the sensations, all the experiences. I didn't want to hurry, to rush to the end game this time.

God knows if I'd ever get another chance like this.

I reluctantly tore my mouth away from his, for just long enough to yank my own shirt over my head and scramble on to my knees on the bed. I pushed him back flat before finding his lips again, my palm in the centre of his chest. Straddling his hips, holding him down with my hand and my thighs, I groaned into his mouth as my now throbbing erection met his through the layers of cloth. I thrust my tongue fiercely against his and rubbed our cocks together. We were still wearing way too many clothes.

I was making it up as I went along, doing what felt good, but not quite sure where it was going to end up. I still didn't really know how this all worked. I mean, with a girl, there's pretty much one standard way everything fits together. Lots of possibilities for sure, lots of variations, but one dick and one pussy, that I was familiar with. But two dicks? Did you have to have a discussion every time beforehand? I hated to admit it, but I needed him to give me some direction.

I sat up on him, panting slightly, looking down at him in the pale glow of the side light. He looked right back up at me, raising his hands to run his fingers down my arms. As usual, he wasn't going to make it easy for me.

"Say something," I whispered. Loud voices still seemed dangerous. We hadn't said anything to each other since we got back that hadn't been related to babysitting Emmett.

He smiled at me, his tongue flicking out to wet his lips.

"Really, Edward?" he replied in a low voice. "Round about now you're usually telling me to shut the fuck up."

He was smirking up at me, obviously very pleased with himself.

"Well if you keep saying fucking unhelpful shit like that then I'll do it again," I pointed out, unable to stop myself smiling with him.

He propped himself up on his elbows.

"What do you want to do, Edward?" he asked, his head on one side as he waited for an answer.

Was I even considering letting him do the thing he had told me he wanted to?

Hell yes.

I couldn't quite believe it myself, but the memory of the sensation he had produced with just one finger sent shudders through me, in a really good way. I was definitely considering it. Just maybe, not right now...

"Jasper, I don't know if, I mean, I want to, but I'm not sure..."

He cut me off by sitting all the way up and cupping my face in his hands.

"It's OK, Edward," he reassured me. "Much as I would really, _really_ love to, I don't think this is really the time or the place."

Part of me was relieved, part of me was disappointed. I was acutely aware of where our bodies met, the unrelieved ache we were both feeling.

"There might not be another time or place," I pointed out, trying to ignore the wave of desperation that the thought brought on.

"If it happens, it happens," he said. "I'm not going to do something you're not ready for just because of the circumstances."

He was still holding my face, rubbing his thumbs across my cheeks. I nodded into his hands and he kissed me softly, before firmly pushing me to one side and slipping off the bed. I watched him as he walked around the bed, shedding the rest of his clothes as he went, stooping to fish a couple of items from a bedside drawer.

I was struck again by his easy grace, his total comfort with himself and who he was. The faint light cast deep shadows over his lean frame as he moved, highlighting the lines of the dips across his stomach, the curves of his smooth buttocks, the muscles in his legs flexing as he moved. Just watching him was unbelievably erotic.

It occurred to me that he had been generous and was still willing to simply take whatever I could give him, without pushing for more. I was overwhelmed by the urge to please him, to make him feel good too. Thinking back to the first time we fucked, it was embarrassing to remember how little I had cared. What that really less than a week ago?

He turned and caught me ogling, and held still to let me look. Inevitably my eyes were drawn to his thick, hard cock, the tip glistening as it hung away from his body. I crawled towards him on the bed, not daring to look up at his face. I sat facing him as he stood next to the bed, my legs either side of his, breathing deeply. I could do this – I wanted to do this.

I reached out and wrapped my hand around the base of his cock and listened to his sharp intake of breath. I leaned forward. I half expected him to tell me to stop, tell me I didn't need to, but he didn't move or speak. I opened my mouth and experimentally placed my lips over the head, licking up the drops of fluid I had seen there.

"Fuck, Edward."

His voice was rough. I smiled around him. I could definitely do this. He tasted salty but not unpleasant. I licked again, sliding him further into my mouth, moving my other hand to grab his ass and hold him still. I was having to stretch my mouth around him, keeping my teeth out of the way. I was gaining a measure of respect for some of the women I had known, and even more for Jasper's skill.

I moved my hand and mouth together, slow but firm, licking and swirling when I could. His hands were in my hair and I could tell he was having difficulty holding back from thrusting into me, making small, breathy moans each time I moved forward. I damn well hoped he could keep that control because I did not want to ruin this by gagging all over him.

I couldn't believe how much this was turning me on. I was still wearing clothes on my bottom half and my cock was starting to get painfully hard in the restricting fabric. I shuffled forward to try to get some friction against Jasper's thigh but the angle was all wrong. It was getting harder to breathe and co-ordinate, my movements no longer smooth and controlled.

Jasper grabbed my hair and pulled me off him. I thought for a second he was disappointed, but he pushed me down and was undoing my trousers in seconds.

"Fuck, Edward," he kept repeating, growling my name as he pulled at my clothes. "Fuck, fuck, Edward, just... fuck."

I don't know where my clothes went, the feel of Jasper's hand on me obliterated any other thought from my mind. He was stroking my cock and kissing me and somehow ripping open a condom wrapper all at the same time. When he had rolled it on me he took my hand and smeared my fingers with lube, guiding them towards his entrance as he lay back beside me. I remembered seeing him prepare himself last time and took the hint, probably more nervous about this part than anything else.

I carefully rubbed with one finger, looking into his eyes, hoping like hell this was going to be good. He nodded and started pumping himself with the remains of the lube he had transferred to me. I bit my lip and pushed one finger inside. He moaned and pumped himself harder. I slid my finger back and forth, trying to remember what he had done to me, curling inside him, wanting to find that incredible spot that would make him see stars.

"More," he panted at me.

I slid my finger nearly out and pushed back in with two.

"Fuck."

It was more of a howl this time. It seemed to be his new favourite word. I was getting more confident, watching his face, learning what worked. I curled my fingers again, feeling my way, not knowing how long I could take this but wanting to do it right.

"FUCK!"

_Jackpot_. I could actually feel it inside him. I was so fucking elated I thought I might come myself.

"Now, Edward," he ground out. "I'm so close, now, fucking now..."

I didn't need to be told again. I slid my fingers out and climbed over him, wasting no time in pushing my aching, needy cock inside.

The whole world went insane. I was watching him frantically pump himself while I thrust as hard and fast as I could. Seeing him out of control was fascinating and amazing and just the hottest thing I had ever experienced. I lost all sense of time passing, we could have been anywhere, perfectly connected.

Nothing had prepared me for the sensation of feeling him come around me, seeing his face contort, his release pulsing, his body clenching. I felt my body responding to his, and I looked down to see where our bodies met. The combination of the sounds and the visual and the unbelievable feeling sent me spiralling after him, gripping his hips as I roared and shuddered and exploded inside him.

And then we were kissing and licking and holding and moaning in a mess of cum and heat and sweat.

We made a cursory attempt to clean up and get under the covers. Jasper was asleep almost instantly, curled around me like I was some kind of giant teddy bear. I swear he was nuzzling into my neck in his sleep. I kind of liked it. It was so different to being next to a woman. He was heavier, more solid, his arm a significant weight across my chest. His body was hard, it didn't give and mould to my shape, but he seemed to adjust to be touching me everywhere just the same.

I still couldn't imagine wanting to do this with any other man, but I couldn't pretend to myself any more that this was just a one-off thing. If it had stopped at that first night, maybe I could have ignored it. But if I was doing this with a woman, well, I wouldn't be doing it. The gender issues had blurred the lines in my head. I had no regrets, I was bloody glad I had found this new side of me, but I would start to regret it if I didn't sort this out.

Jasper shifted against me, but I knew I wasn't going to sleep here. I needed to go home and talk to Bella. I had no idea what I was going to say, but we had always been honest with each other and our relationship was pointless without that.

I extricated myself from Jasper's embrace and went to look for my clothes.

* * *

EmPOV

I did NOT feel good. I rolled over experimentally, and decided not to try that again for a while as my brain seemed to slosh around inside my skull for some time after I stopped moving.

Hmm, I was in a bed. I cracked one eye a fraction and confirmed that I was in my own bed at home. I was pretty sure I hadn't been here earlier.

It slowly started to come back to me, in reverse order. I had woken up on the living room floor, twisted into my duvet, utterly desperate for a piss and a drink of water. Once I had heaved myself up to take care of that, I had decided I might as well get into bed, and had somehow got myself and my duvet upstairs, and even got some of my clothes off.

Before that, I must have passed out in the living room. Why hadn't Jasper got me upstairs? Something else about Jasper was tickling the murky depths of my memory. Something else, something funny...

I nearly fell out of bed when I remembered. I was laughing so hard I nearly threw up. That shit really hurts your head. I managed to calm myself down, suppressing all but the occasional chuckle. _Edward_, of all people. I couldn't wait to tell Rosalie, she was gonna freak out on his ass so bad. His ass. Oh, I so didn't want to go there.

I heard voices down stairs and concentrated to see if I could work out who it was. I could hear Rosalie and her mother, Esme, cackling over something together, which meant that her dad, Carlisle, was around somewhere too. I couldn't hear Jasper. Or Edward. That set me off laughing again. Ow fucking ow. I needed to go back to sleep.

X

I woke up the next time aware that someone was in the room with me. I raised my head slowly without too much trouble and squinted towards the noises. Rosalie was pottering about, obviously trying to wake me up without making it seem like she was trying to wake me up. I love her so fucking much.

"Hey baby," I croaked.

She turned around, smiling.

"Oh good afternoon, sleepy head. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"Yeah right, of course," I snorted at her, holding out my arms. "Come here, gorgeous."

Rosalie looked at me like I was a crazy person.

"Not a chance," she retorted. "You look like shit and smell worse. I hear it was quite a night you had."

"Really?" I smiled back, taking a chance on my questionable balance by crawling up the bed, in a better position to pounce on her. "Who did you hear that from?"

"Jasper," she replied, backing up towards the door, totally wise to my game. "He said he had a great time."

I collapsed back on to the bed, shaking with laughter again. Still with the fucking _o__w_ in the head department.

"Oh, I bet he did," I coughed out between alternating spasms of pain and mirth. "You are so not going to believe what happened..."

"No way, I don't want to know," Rosalie cut me off. "Stag night rules Emmett – what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."

"Believe me baby, you are going to want to know this," I pressed on, sitting up in an attempt to relieve the pressure in my skull . "And frankly, I'm not physically capable of keeping this to myself. Jasper brought someone back with him last night."

Rosalie's mouth fell open.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," she hissed.

I was kind of surprised at that. I mean, she's the one always telling me what a slut the guy is. Maybe she thought he wouldn't do it in her house. This is _golden_.

"Oh, it gets better," I told her, thoroughly enjoying this. "Wait 'til you hear who it was."

"I don't care who it was," she snapped. "I'm going to kill him."

"Oh, you're going to care," I said. I paused for effect. "It was Edward."

I probably shouldn't find her outrage so attractive, but the look on her face was utterly priceless.

"Seriously," I went on. "I saw them making out in the living room. There was no way they were stopping there."

Rosalie is very rarely lost for words, but she was utterly speechless, her mouth hanging open, her fists clenched. This was quite a reaction. I mean, I know Bella is her best friend and all, but this was something else. I was starting to get worried.

"Hey baby," I murmured, scrambling up to put my hands on her shoulders. I eased her over to the edge of the bed where she sat down abruptly. She was absolutely furious. "What is it, Rose, why are you so upset?"

"You don't understand," she ground out. "He slept with her too."

Now I was confused.

"Her who?" I asked. I'm pretty sure there wasn't another woman in the house last night. Although who knows, I was pretty far gone.

"Bella," she whispered.

"What are you talking about," I said. "Bella wasn't here last night."

"Not last night, you idiot," she snapped at me, recovering her voice. "On Friday, when she stayed over. I caught them together on the sofa."

I stared at her. This was just getting better and better

"No fucking way!" I barked, about to collapse in hysterics again. "How did I not know about this?"

"Because I didn't want you to have to deal with keeping your mouth shut last night, knowing how hard you generally find it," she said.

"Fair point," I admitted. "But oh my God, he slept with both of them? Like, on consecutive nights?"

"So it would seem," she sighed. "Jesus Emmett, he's here for five minutes and he's literally screwing up my best friend's relationship."

"Well at least he's been even-handed," I couldn't help starting to laugh again.

"Oh yes, don't tell me, he doesn't discriminate," she spat. "If I hear him saying that again I swear I'm going to kill him. After I've killed him for sleeping with my best friend's boyfriend. _And_ my best friend. In the week before my wedding."

She looked like she was about to cry.

"You want me to go kick his ass, baby?" I asked, as sympathetically as I could manage.

"Oh no," she said, rising to her feet, shaking off any sign of self-pity. "I'm quite capable of doing that myself."

With that, she strode out of the room, yelling his name at the top of her voice. That's my Rosalie.

Poor bastard, I hope they were worth it.

**

* * *

**

**A/N**

**Big enormous thanks to EvilGiraffe82 and HoochieMomma for superlative beta services, they are just fuckawesome. Any crap left in here is all mine because I didn't pay attention to what they were telling me. **

**No outtake this week, otherwise you would have been waiting even longer, but please do review, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese! My [stern face] seemed to work last time so here it is again. **

**[stern face]**

**I know how much you like the C&P reviews, but I feel like I'm doing all the work here. So this week's options are appropriated from existing reviews that I didn't actually write myself. If I have stolen your words, it's only because they were such great words.**

"**This story is fucking hot! You are a damn good writer!"**

**OR**

"***pants* / *blushes* / *pants again*"**

**Finally, finally, special mention to rev2weaver. Thanks bb!**

**I'll shut up now.**


	9. Are you lost or treading water?

**Happy New Year!**

**Apologies for the long wait, I should be back on track from now on! This chapter is posting today for livinginadw, it's her birthday, I love her more than I can explain.**

**Thank-you everyone who has reviewed, if I make it to 500 after this chapter it would me very, very happy. JS.**

**SM owns. I just get them really, really worked up.**

* * *

**EPOV**

I walked all the way home from Rosalie's house. Jasper didn't wake when I dressed and let myself out. I could still hear Emmett snoring in the living room. It took over an hour in the cold, silent darkness before dawn.

As I walked, I thought about love, and passion, and desire. I thought about compromise, and easy options, and not having to try too hard. I thought about lost opportunities, and new possibilities.

I thought about waking up from sleep-walking through my life.

At home, I sat in the chair in the bedroom, watching Bella sleep for the rest of the night. I used to do that a lot when we first got together - our body clocks never really lined up. I always wanted to stay up later than she did, so I would bring my laptop into the bedroom and watch her sleep while I worked on whatever. She would wake up sometimes and tell me it was really creepy, like I was stalking her or something, but then she would smile and I knew she quite liked it.

She looked so beautiful, her hair splayed out over the pillow, her breathing calm and even. She never really asked for much. In fact, she wanted a lot less than I suspect most other women do. I thought that was just fine by me; I thought I was the lucky one when I looked at my friends who were leaned on and made demands of by their partners. I'd never understood why they put up with it, but maybe I'd been wrong. Maybe I'd been missing something and hadn't even known it.

She started to stir not long after six. Always a morning person. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked at me sleepily, wondering why I was in the chair and not the bed.

"Hi," I offered.

"Hi yourself," I got back. "I didn't expect you to be awake this early."

"I haven't slept," I admitted.

"That good, huh?" she smiled at me.

I inhaled and felt my eyes close.

"We need to talk," I said, not looking at her.

"Oh."

There was a significant silence.

"Can I have coffee first?" she asked quietly.

"Sure."

Bella threw on her dressing gown and followed me downstairs, where I made the coffee. She doesn't like espresso, too strong even first thing in the morning, so I added hot water, just the way she prefers it. Bella didn't say anything, didn't press, giving me my space, as always.

We took our coffee into the living room and she curled up into the corner of the sofa, tucking her feet under herself, waiting patiently. She looked apprehensive. Like she knew what was coming.

I sat on the edge of the armchair, too twitchy from nerves and lack of sleep to settle. I had thought about how I would tell her, in the quiet hours before she woke up, but I hadn't been able to decide. It was going to be horrible however I worded it, so I went with simple.

I took a deep breath.

"I slept with someone."

My words hung in the air between us.

She stared at me, her eyes wide, mouth dropping open. I was wrong; she didn't know it was coming. It was the last thing she expected me to say.

She lowered her eyes and twisted her coffee cup in her hands. Turned it round and round. She opened her mouth to speak, and then stopped. More fiddling. More silence. It would almost be easier if she was shouting and screaming at me. Finally she raised her head, her face blank and hard.

"When?" she asked, her voice flat - not a query, a demand for information.

"Last night," I said. "And, last week too."

"Are you in love with her?" There was no emotion in her voice, as if she was reading from a list of questions that someone else had written.

I huffed to myself. I thought I was ready to tell her, but it was harder than I thought. I avoided the issue.

"No," I replied. "But, I've never wanted to sleep with anyone else while we've been together, so, this changes things for me."

"Do you want to break up?" Next question on the list. Good question. Damn good question.

"I don't know," I said honestly. "I have no idea what I'm doing. If we break up, well, I'm not sure what's going to happen with, uh, with this other person."

"Are you going to sleep with her again?"

I looked at my hands. I couldn't answer. We sat in awkward silence. I thought about the years we had spent together. We fit; it was straightforward to be "us". But I was beginning to see that we simply lived alongside each other, not together. I had never questioned our unspoken agreement, to live independently, but symbiotically. It had just worked. I hadn't realised that there were other options that might appeal to me.

I was lost in my thoughts when Bella spoke.

"I guess I need to tell you something, too," she said.

I looked up at her. Silent tears had escaped her eyes and she hadn't wiped them away from where they had rolled down her cheeks. Her face was full of anguish, and she was making a strange, choking sound. It took me a moment to work out that she was laughing. Bitter, strangled, ironic laughing.

I suddenly panicked. Dear God, please tell me she's not pregnant. No, no, no, not now - anything but that.

"You know I stayed over at Rosalie's house on Friday?" she began.

I nodded. Did she do a test there? Why didn't she mention this before? How could this happen?

"I had sex with someone else too. With Jasper." She barked another laugh and looked back down at her cup.

_Thank fuck, she's not pregnant._

_Wait, what?_

I felt sick. Shit, I _knew_ I couldn't trust him. I had just obviously totally underestimated by how much.

It was hard to tell who I felt more betrayed by. Fucking son-of-a-bitch.

I had no words. He had set me up, played me, got me to the point where I was doubting everything about who I was, how I was living my life, what I wanted to do, and then he had not only slept with someone else, he had slept with _Bella_. I was going to fucking kill him. I was so bloody confused now nothing made sense any more.

I slumped down in the chair, defeated.

"I thought he was gay," I said, weakly.

"Yeah, me too," she sighed. "Apparently, he doesn't discriminate."

Now I was the one choking on ironic laughter.

"Funny, he mentioned that to me," I muttered, half to myself. "I guess I didn't really understand what he was telling me."

We sat looking at each other. I didn't know where to begin. I just felt empty.

Bella eventually broke the silence.

"Edward, when we first met, did you feel, like, you just had to be with me, like you couldn't breathe properly without touching me, like you couldn't think straight?" she asked.

I shook my head. I knew what she was asking.

"No," I replied simply. "Don't get me wrong, I knew I liked you right away, but, it grew slowly, I guess."

"It was like that for me too," she nodded. "I never really understood why people get so worked up about someone they just met. I saw my mum do it so many times, it just seemed ridiculous. But with Jasper..." She paused and inhaled sharply before continuing.

"I was completely out of control. He just, I don't know, he had some crazy, primaeval effect on me that I couldn't resist. I felt like a complete idiot after I got away from him but I know that the next time I see him I'll probably feel exactly the same way again."

I sighed. I was definitely going to kill him.

"That should make me feel completely inadequate," I told her. "But unfortunately I know just what you mean."

Bella put her head on one side, trying to understand.

"Was it like that with... with the person you slept with?"

"Um yeah, kind of," I admitted. "I should probably tell you the rest of it."

"There's more?" she asked. "Do I really want to know?"

"Yes, I think you need to know," I said. "You see, the reason I know just what you mean, is because I know _exactly_ what you mean."

I paused, really hoping she would work it out, because I didn't want to have to say it out loud.

"What the fuck does that mean?"

I wasn't going to get away with it that easily.

"It means, I know _exactly_ what you mean,"I said, looking up and holding her gaze. "Exactly what you mean, about Jasper."

Bella looked at me blankly for a few moments before her mouth dropped open for the second time.

"Oh shit," she spluttered.

"Yeah, something like that," I mumbled.

"Jasper? And you? But, but, since when were you, I mean, he's a... and you're not..." she trailed off.

I grimaced as I let her process the information. Something else occurred to her.

"Wait a minute, you said last night. He fucked you _last night_? Like, last night after he and I... we... on Friday..."

"Well, technically, I fucked him," I put in.

She looked at me like I was insane. Which I probably was. My verbal filter was obviously set to "off" by this point.

"OK, I really don't need to know that," she snapped, still staring at me wide eyed. "Jesus, why the hell would he do that? Why would anyone do that? I mean, its not like I was expecting him to marry me but for fuck's sake, there are limits."

"He seems to have different limits to the rest of us," I agreed. "Although I don't honestly feel I'm in a position to comment on morality right now."

I rubbed my face with my hands, vaguely aware of Bella scrambling off the sofa and jittering about the room, swearing intermittently to herself.

"You do realise we are more angry with him than we are each other?" I pointed out. "Would it make any difference if it was someone else? If we hadn't slept with the same person?"

"Yes. No! Shit, I don't know," she barked. "I've been thinking about it all day yesterday and all I worked out was that everything I was sure about is somehow not as straightforward as it used to be."

She growled in anger and frustration, still pacing in front of me.

"Then, when I thought for a moment that you had fallen in love with another woman, I was almost relieved," she said. "I think I expected that this day would come eventually, that I wouldn't be enough for you, and it seemed like some weird karma shit that it happened now. I mean, I figured that if I slept with someone else, then maybe our time together was coming to an end anyway, and if you had fallen for someone else then it was OK, you would be happy. I could live with that. So, I was sad but I wasn't as devastated as I thought I might be. But this? This I don't know what to do with."

I nodded. I didn't know what to do with it either.

"It's pretty fucked up," I said, smiling faintly. "At least you maintained your sexual orientation."

"Yeah, what the hell's all that about anyway?" she asked. "You never liked guys before."

She paused, reconsidering. "Or did you?"

"No, it's just him," I shrugged. "Like you said, there's something about him."

"What, and you just took one look and couldn't resist?" she snorted.

"No, he was pretty persuasive," I said, defensively. "And persistent. Shit, Bella, I really thought it meant something to him, although honestly, in the cold light of day, I have no idea why. Maybe I wanted it to mean as much to him as it did to me."

"He really got to you," she stated, flatly.

"Yeah, I guess he did," I admitted, partly to myself.

The silence that followed was strangely comforting. Bella came to perch on the arm of my chair and we looked at each other for long minutes, not needing to talk. She eventually reached out to run her fingers through my hair, and let me lean against her. I could feel her breath catching and it was hard to tell if she was crying or laughing again. Probably both.

This wasn't normal. We shouldn't be laughing, or having a calm conversation about this. I definitely shouldn't still be thinking about whether I would get to be with him again. I wondered if Bella was thinking the same thing.

"I think I'm going to need more coffee," Bella said eventually, uncurling from our embrace.

I nodded and got up too, following her in to the kitchen.

"He's a real piece of work," she commented, as she reset the machine. "Rosalie always said he was a player but, damn, I'm just... to be honest I'm kind of furious on your behalf as much as mine. I know this sounds ridiculous but I don't want you to get hurt."

"Don't want _me_ to get hurt?" I replied. "What about you? I'm angry for you because of what he's done but I know that in the end, it's me that's let you down."

"Well, I admit that of all the possible ways we might come to the end of our relationship this is probably not what I would have chosen," she smiled. "But I never expected it to last forever, and I know that I'll be fine. I know that sounds cold Edward, I do love you, but I can't give you any more than I have been. And I don't think that's enough any more. For either of us."

We were quiet for a moment. I wondered if I would be fine, too.

"I guess that answers the question about where this leaves us, then," I replied, my voice cracking in spite of myself.

She looked up, tears shining on her cheeks again.

"I guess it does. I'm sorry, Edward."

"I'm sorry too."

We pottered around quietly for a while. I took a shower, Bella got dressed. We ate toast. We drank a lot more coffee.

We ended up back in the living room, having swapped places, Bella in the armchair, me sprawled the length of the sofa, flicking through mindless satellite TV channels. I could feel the effects of no sleep and all the emotion finally catching up with me, my eyes growing inevitably heavier the longer I stayed lying down.

The TV wasn't enough to distract Bella. She stabbed at the remote to kill the sound and turned to stare at me.

"What are we going to do about him then?" she asked.

I groaned and turned on my side, giving in to the need to close my eyes. I didn't need to ask who she was talking about.

"Apart from kicking his head in at the earliest opportunity?" I asked.

"I don't think Rosalie would be terribly pleased with us if we put him in hospital the week before her wedding," she said.

"I don't give a shit what Rosalie thinks," I muttered into the pillow.

"Well I do," she retorted. "And anyway, it would be a real shame to mess up that pretty face of his."

"Hah!" I snorted, opening one eye to peer at her. "It was his stupid face that got us into this mess in the first place."

She put her head on one side, contemplating me.

"You could just make the most of it," she said.

"Excuse me?"

"He's here for a week more," she went on. "You want to be with him, I can see that. So why not just take what's he's offering?"

I sat bolt upright.

"Are you insane?" I asked in astonishment.

"Well, you should totally mess with his head first," she added, with a sly smile.

She got up and walked into the hall, picking up her coat and bag as I gaped at her.

"I'm going to Kate's house for a bit," she said. "I need some air."

I should get used to feeling utterly confused. I felt like I didn't know her at all and loved her more than ever.

"Get some sleep," she called, as she let herself out.

Feeling dazed, I collapsed back on to the sofa and let oblivion overtake me.

* * *

**JPOV**

"JASPER!"

Oh shit, trouble. I can tell when she's really mad at me, because she rolls the 'r' on the end of my name. If she uses my middle name, there's no hope.

I knew she would catch up with me eventually, after finding me with Bella on Friday night, but I was putting it off as long as possible. I had skilfully avoided being left alone with her during the day on Saturday, knowing she wouldn't make a scene in front of Emmett or our parents.

I had hidden in the spare room for most of the morning, after waking late to find Edward gone. I knew it was for the best, but I had still felt a wave of disappointment at the empty bed beside me. I had emerged when I heard my parents voices and settled on the end of the sofa across from my dad, sharing the papers and a huge pot of coffee with him in companionable silence.

But it looked like the scene was happening now anyway. Rose had just stomped upstairs to try to rouse Emmett from his stupor, and this had apparently reminded her of my misdeeds. I rolled my eyes at the question all over my dad's face and went to take my punishment in the relative privacy of the hallway.

I met Rosie at the bottom of the stairs. Her face was thunder.

"Jasper William Hale!" she hissed.

Damn. Not good.

I knew better than to start speaking before she got it all out. I nervously chewed my lip and tried to keep eye contact. I have some pride.

"What the hell do you think you're playing at?"

Eye contact, eye contact.

"I was ready to tear you a new one after catching you with Bella. You can't begin to imagine how angry I am about that. Have you the slightest idea how fucked up that was? How utterly out of character that was for her? And in _my_ damn house, too?"

I swallowed. There was more to come, I was sure.

"And now, now I find out you somehow managed to seduce Edward too."

Oh fuck. I looked at the floor.

"For God's sake Jasper, what is wrong with you? I'm well aware that you seem to think living like an insatiable slut is acceptable behaviour in your day to day life, but did you not think for one second about how this might affect the people around you here? How it might affect me? About what will happen to Edward and Bella when you leave?"

She stopped for breath. I needed to start defending myself now while I had a chance.

"I was honest with them," I said, levelly. " I let them know how I felt and they made their own decisions . It wasn't my place to tell them about each other. Whatever effect this has on their own relationship is something they need to deal with."

"Oh, so this is all down to them now, is it?" Rose bit back. "The couple who have never looked anywhere else for over seven years and suddenly, coincidentally, they both find you irresistible? Really, Jasper? You're telling me that Edward suddenly got in touch with his gay side and begged you to show him the way?"

"OK," I admitted. "I'll give you that Edward probably wouldn't have thought about it without some, encouragement from me, but Bella totally jumped me. You can't hold me solely accountable for her."

"Oh I know, she told me all about it," she shuddered. "I could have seriously lived without hearing most of it, believe me. But Christ, you still could have avoided the situation. You could have said _no_. You might just jump in to bed with anyone and everyone back home but people behave differently in my world. And then, having gone there, you really should have kept your hands off Edward, don't you think? Has it not occurred to you that she might tell him?"

I felt my eyes widen in disbelief. I did _not_ want her to tell Edward. Shit.

For the first time it actually hit me. What the hell had I done? If she told Edward, he would be really upset. He might not speak to me again. I had one week left and I might have blown it. Over a girl. _Shit_.

"Well, that's her choice if she wants to," I said, trying to keep my voice calm. "But I can't see why she would."

"Because that's what a normal person would do!" Rose exploded. She must have seen the horror on my face, and completely misinterpreted the cause. "Oh don't worry, she's not falling in love with you. She's just questioning what she is doing with Edward if she wants to sleep with someone else. That's a _normal_ reaction, that a _normal_ person might have."

"Oh so I'm abnormal now, am I?" I yelled back at her, anger and fear raising my voice. "I don't know what you think I do at home Rosie, but just because I'm not married doesn't mean I'm shagging a different person every night."

"Really, Jasper? Because that's exactly what it looks like from here," she shouted. " You haven't had a single long term relationship since Peter, and that was more than ten years ago."

"Do NOT bring Peter in to this, Rosie," I warned..

"It's not me that's bringing him in to this," she shot back. "He's already here. He always is. Whoever you're kissing, whoever you're fucking, you always end up thinking about Peter. You even told Bella about him. You haven't let anyone into your life in a decade because some stupid fuck did a number on you when you were basically still a kid. You just screw around indiscriminately and keep your distance because you think you can't get hurt again that way. But you're no better than he was."

I felt like I'd been punched. That's my sister. She knows just how to pull me down a peg or two. I felt sick. All the feelings of despair that had overwhelmed me when Peter had betrayed me washed over me again as if I was right back there with him. Is this what Edward would feel when Bella told him? Is this what I had done to him? Surely not. Not after just a few days. Surely.

I sat down slowly on the bottom step, all the fight leaking out of me.

"I wasn't looking for it, Rosie," I told her, fighting to keep back the tears. "I didn't come over here looking for a zipless fuck that I could use up and forget about two weeks later. Edward and Bella, they surprised me. They made me feel different. They actually made me feel _something_. And yes, I haven't felt anything like that for a bloody long time, so forgive me if I wanted to make the most of it."

I looked up at her and saw the anger leaving her face. Her pity was worse.

"I haven't wanted anyone this much for fucking years and suddenly there are two of them," I sighed. "They make me buzz. They make me feel worth something. They want me. _Me_."

"And so they get you?" she asked, softly. "Just like that? You're just available to all takers? What do _you_ want, Jasper? Don't get me wrong, I am one hundred percent mad at you for being so fucking stupid, but they're not the only ones who have to deal with the consequences when you leave."

"Don't you think I'm dreading leaving now?" My voice was cracking. I had deliberately avoided thinking about going back. "Don't you think it's going to kill me to go back to a place where I've never had anyone love me?"

"Why do you even still live there if you feel like that about it?" she asked.

"It's the only place I know," I protested. "It's my home."

"It's not your home," she murmured. "This is your home."

The house seemed uncomfortably silent. I was suddenly aware of the fact that our parents were in the next room, probably listening to every word.

We heard heavy footsteps on the landing above us and both looked up to see Emmett eyeing us warily.

"Is it safe to come down?" he asked. "I'd prefer to avoid any more yelling because my head really hurts, but I'm dying for some coffee, so, could you call a truce while I get to the kitchen?"

"I'm done yelling," sighed Rosie. "Can you come and explain to your asshole nearly-brother-in-law that he's got some sorting out to do?"

Emmett eased down the stairs. I smiled at him sheepishly.

"Emmett," I nodded.

"Jasper," he smirked at me.

"So, not actually asleep then?" I asked.

"Not so much," he agreed, thoroughly enjoying himself.

"Asswipe," I stated.

Emmett nodded and raised his fist to bump my knuckles.

"Two for one, bro," he snickered. "Impressive."

Rosie thumped him as he walked past and he held up his hands in surrender.

"He needs to be told to fix this, not congratulated," she hissed at him.

Emmett rubbed his face, looking longingly towards the kitchen door.

"I'm not sure if fixing it is the right way to look at it," he said. "Look, I don't know about the whole thing with Bella, that's your department baby, but Edward? Seriously? Edward is the straightest guy I know. And I'm not just talking about his sexual preferences, although frankly, until last night I would have bet on that too, but anyway, what was I saying?"

Rose glared at him. I was glad someone else was taking the heat for a moment.

"Oh yes," he went on. "What I mean is, Edward thinks about everything. He plans, he considers, he executes. He never does anything without thinking it through first. He's the opposite of impulsive. So for him to do something like this? Either something seriously freaky is going on, or this is the real deal for him."

Rose looked at me pointedly.

"You see?" she said. "You need to work out exactly what the hell you want, Jasper Hale, because you are changing people's lives here."

Emmett shrugged and started sidling towards the kitchen, his need for caffeine outweighing any remaining instinct to pacify my sister. I exhaled slowly.

"You think Bella will tell him today?" I asked.

"I know she will," Rosie replied.

"I guess I better get over there, then," I said, reluctantly.

Rosie reached up to unhook a set of keys from the rack above the stairs.

"I'll drive," she said.

* * *

**A/N**

**I can't begin to explain how much of this story I owe to EvilGiraffe82 and HoochieMomma. They are so much more than betas, they utterly keep me going and I live for their feedback. They also hold me up when I am falling down, thank-you darlings. **

**So. 500 reviews is what we are aiming for. Here are your C&P options. GO DO IT!**

"**Happy Birthday livinginadw, thank-you for nagging MizzH to keep writing."**

**OR**

"**I can't believe you posted a chapter without a lemon, you old bag."**

**Finally, finally, hi there to Shoobydoo, I see you!**

**I'll shut up now.**


	10. When you shake, you won't regret

**Thank-you everyone who has reviewed, I made it to 500 and quite a few more after the last chapter, even without a lemon (!) which really amazed me. But, ya know, I'm kinda greedy...**

**As always, breathless thanks to my glorious betas, EvilGiraffe82 and HoochieMomma, any remaining errors are all mine. Big love to Livinginadw for keeping me going. And for literally moving over 200 miles across the country to be near me. Honest. It's the only reason.**

**SM owns. I just get them really, really worked up.**

**

* * *

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EPOV

I woke up around lunchtime, in exactly the same position that I had fallen asleep in on the sofa. I opened my eyes and stretched my shoulders, disoriented for a moment. The events of the past twenty-four hours flooded back to me and I closed my eyes again, thoughts of Jasper and me, and Jasper and Bella, and me and Bella, mixing and whirling in my head.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I felt a little too warm and a lot too grubby, despite my shower earlier, and my mouth was dry and tasting foul. I swung my legs around and rolled my neck, trying to work out some of the stiffness in my muscles.

I stumbled upstairs to the bathroom, splashing cold water on my face and brushing my teeth. I wondered if Bella would be back in the evening. The house seemed strangely quiet without her, which was crazy as I was quite used to being in it on my own. Was this really what I wanted? Being on my own without her?

I wandered in to my office and put some music on, booting up my computer to distract myself. I couldn't see her staying now even if I changed my mind. I was scared. I was going to miss her so fucking much.

Which brought me back to Jasper. However angry I was with him, every time I thought about him I still felt a physical shiver run through me.

_Why not just take what he's offering?_

It was so tempting. Could I just ignore what he had done? If I didn't tell him I knew about Bella, would he just carry on anyway? No, I didn't want that. I wanted some answers or nothing at all. But maybe I could mess with him a bit first. A taste of his own medicine? I turned the possibilities over in my mind as I started flicking through my updates and emails. I clicked on an email from a client and lost myself in code.

_-Since-_

The doorbell rang around three o'clock, interrupting my concentration. I couldn't imagine who was calling round on a Sunday afternoon; probably a charity hoping to get my bank details. I debated ignoring it.

It rang again. Maybe Bella had come back and forgotten her key. I hauled myself to my feet, trudged downstairs and opened the door.

It wasn't Bella. It was Jasper. I froze, my hand still on the door handle.

Despite everything, my pulse quickened at the sight of him, as I took in every detail. He looked rumpled and worn, standing awkwardly in the doorway, wearing the same damn waistcoat and cowboy boots from the week before, unshaven and tired, and fucking delicious.

"Hi," I croaked at him, turning away and leaving the door open. I knew he would come in anyway. He always did whatever the fuck he wanted. I was pretty sure I knew what he wanted.

"Hi, Edward," he said, carefully.

He followed me into the kitchen, where I started setting up the coffee machine. Again. The irony wasn't lost on me. I could see him glancing into the living room on the way through, checking to see if Bella was about.

I wanted to play it cool. _Mess with his head. _ He couldn't know that I knew about him sleeping with Bella. I should be able to use this to my advantage. Seeing him so soon, turning up as if nothing had changed made me so fucking angry, I struggled to think straight. I hadn't planned for this scenario. I had wanted more time to think.

"Is Bella home?" he asked.

Oh OK, that was all I needed. I knew exactly how to do this. Deep breath.

I turned around slowly.

"Nope," I said, a genuine smirk creeping across my face. "You know, I have no idea why I am bothering making this coffee. You didn't come here for coffee, did you?"

I arched my eyebrows into what I hoped was a suggestive expression. He looked nervous, which was unusual, and made me wonder for a moment if I was right in my assumption about why he had come over.

"Has she been out all day?" he persisted. Why did he care?

"Yeah," I said, lazily. "She was gone by the time I woke up." It was sort of true.

He seemed to relax a bit so I crossed over to stand in front of him. I wanted to wind him up until he was desperate and then hang him out to dry. Or at the very least, find out what the hell he was playing at. I leaned forward and inhaled as I ran my nose along his jaw. He smelled so fucking fantastic; I hoped like hell I was going to be able to resist.

"Edward," he protested, moving his head to the side to try to avoid me. "I really think we need to talk."

I smiled to myself, pleased that my efforts were making him uncomfortable already. I leaned further in, allowing myself to lick under his ear, earning a shiver from him in response. He stepped backward and stopped sharply against the wall. I followed him and trapped him there, my hands either side of his shoulders, my face still against his neck.

"Oh come on, Jasper," I murmured. "You're the one always telling me we talk too much."

"Seriously, Edward," he gasped, as I grazed my teeth around his earlobe and leaned my chest against his. "There are things I need to say."

"You don't need to say anything, Jasper," I insisted, talking into his neck, knowing I couldn't go through with this if I saw his eyes.

I ran my hands down his arms from his shoulders and pressed harder into him. I couldn't help enjoying the feel of him as I rubbed up against him, my cock immediately responding to his body, despite my mind trying to overrule it. From his faint groaning it was clear that he wasn't exactly suffering. He might be saying he wanted me to stop, but he wasn't actually pushing me away.

"Don't worry, Bella won't be home for a good few hours," I went on, still nuzzling and stroking him as I spoke. To be honest I didn't know if she would come back at all, but I was trying not to think about that. "And anyway, I had this great idea about how we could get around the whole issue with her."

I could feel him getting more and more uneasy, holding his head stiffly and not responding to me at all. I took a breath and went for it. I would find out one way or the other.

"I reckon if we suggested it just the right way," I said. "We could persuade her to join us. She might really go for it. I mean she's pretty adventurous, it could be worth a try. You know I think if you're the one to bring it up, we'd have a better chance. If we wait 'til she gets home, I could leave the two of you alone for a bit, and..."

"Stop, Edward," he interrupted me, his voice desperate. "Just stop, OK?"

He really did push me away now, and I could see the pain in his face. _Good_.

"What's the matter?" I asked, putting a puzzled expression on my face. "I thought you were up for pretty much anything. I know you wouldn't want to fuck her, but we could do other stuff. Sex is sex, right? Maybe she could suck you off while I fuck you? I mean, it doesn't matter, does it, whose mouth it is that's getting you off?"

"Edward, it's not like that..." he started.

"Isn't it? Seriously?" I scoffed. "I thought it was _exactly_ like that."

I could feel my control slipping, my anger starting to swamp the biting words I was trying to get out.

"Well, maybe it was to start with, but it's different now..."

"Really? It's different?" I was raising my voice now, unable to keep up the charade. "What changed in the last twelve hours that made it so fucking different? Did you grow a conscience? Did you suddenly realise that sleeping with my fucking _girlfriend_ might change things for me?"

He looked like he'd been slapped.

"She told you," he choked.

"Yes, she told me," I retorted, unable to keep the bitterness out of my voice. "And I told her. It was a joyous, sharing experience. You should have been there. You'd have loved it."

"But I don't understand," he said, haltingly. "If you knew, why were you just suggesting that she join us? Is that what you really want?"

I lost it then, stepping up to his face and yelling at him.

"No, I don't fucking want that! I want to_ hurt _you. I want _you_ to feel uncomfortable and confused. I've known you barely a week and you've completely fucked up my head. It was bad enough trying to understand what was going on between us and then I find out you're screwing my girlfriend too? You told me to trust you, Jasper. You laughed at me and told me to trust you. What the fuck is _wrong_ with you?"

I couldn't get any more words out. They were sticking in my throat as the emotions welled up in my chest and threatened to drown me. He wouldn't look me in the eye. His head was down and I felt like I was shouting at his hair. His fucking stupid, straggly hair. I wanted to hit him so badly. I wanted to shake him so hard, to make him understand what he had done to me. How he had betrayed me.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," he said, his voice barely audible in contrast to mine, his eyes still fixed on the floor. "I didn't plan it like this. The whole thing with Bella was completely unexpected; I was overwhelmed that she wanted me like that..."

"So then why the hell did you come back to me last night?" I spat, all the anger that hadn't appeared when Bella told me, finally spilling over. "What the hell was that about? If you're so fucking _overwhelmed_ by her, why did you pretend that you wanted to be with me?"

His head snapped up, his face twisting, voice breaking.

"No, no, Edward, you don't understand," he said, desperately. "I know I behaved like a complete idiot, and I know what I did was unforgivable, but it's you, Edward, it's _you_. You're fucking up my head, too. I want you so much it's scaring the shit out of me. I've spent the last decade actively avoiding feeling anything for anyone, and I finally meet someone who might actually be worth it, might be worth the risk of getting my insides torn open again, and you live on the other side of the world. And you have a girlfriend. And I might not ever see you again after next week."

He paused, looking slightly shocked, as if he hadn't meant to say the words that had escaped from him. I was more than slightly shocked myself.

"So I did what I always do," he went on. "I found the next person in line. The fact that it was Bella was… fucked up. The fact that she's beautiful and funny and yours... It was the perfect way to keep you at arms' length. The perfect way to convince myself that I didn't want you as much as I do. But when I saw you again last night... It hadn't made any difference."

I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe anything he said. I wanted to so much but I couldn't trust him.

"So you just decided to carry on regardless?" I spat. "You didn't think this might be a good time to take a step back and reconsider what the hell you were doing? Fuck you, Jasper. You used me, you used Bella, and you can't just take something like that back."

He pushed off the wall and stepped towards me but I shoved him away and he stumbled back into the kitchen doorway. The fear and helplessness in his eyes just made me even angrier.

"Edward, please, I'm sorry," he begged.

"I don't care!" I screamed, pushing him harder this time, slamming him into the wall in the hallway, knocking the breath out of him. He was gasping, trying to speak, but I couldn't stop. I wanted to hurt him.

"It doesn't make any difference how sorry you are," I shouted. "You can't take it back."

I wanted to hurt him for waking up all these feelings in me. I'd been happy when I hadn't known about them. I grasped his shirt in both hands and slammed him into the wall again, so hard this time that he bounced and lost his balance, tumbling to the floor.

I pounced on him as he fell, pushing him on to his back, pinning his hips down with my knees. I wanted to hurt him because maybe, just maybe, if he was hurting then some of my pain would go. He immediately grabbed my arms and twisted, trying to throw me off, his heels scrabbling on the wooden floor, trying to get some purchase. Fucker was stronger than he looked, but I had the weight advantage, and wasn't struggling to breathe.

"I don't want to take it back," he ground out, as he squirmed underneath me. "I know I've made a mess of things but at least with you I felt alive. I thought you did too. I just wanted to feel..."

"If this is what it feels like to be alive then I don't want it," I shouted, leaning on his shoulders, trying to hold him still so I could punch him properly. "I'd rather be asleep and unaware and totally blissfully fucking ignorant."

Out of nowhere, he managed to flip sideways and tip me on to the floor next to him, pushing away from me, but I recovered fast and hurled myself back over him, tangling my legs with his so he couldn't escape. I twisted his hair with the fingers of one hand to stop him moving and adjusted my balance so I could get in a good swing.

"Do it, then," he barked. "Come on, Edward. I deserve it. I'm not worth the pain I'm causing you. Just do whatever you need to do."

If he thought that giving me permission would make me think twice, he was very wrong; it made me even more furious. He didn't get to decide who was in control any more. As I drew back my fist he must have realised I was actually doing this, and he heaved up under me, so the blow that connected with his cheek landed earlier than expected. It wasn't the impact I was hoping for but it was good enough.

"Is that it?" he snarled. "Is that all you've got?"

I howled in fury and frustration and went to swing at him again but he lifted his head and then smacked it down onto the knuckles of the hand I still had in his hair. I yanked my hand free, my fingers throbbing, and immediately falling forward on to his chest. Before I could react he had his arms wrapped round me, pinning my arms to my sides and he started to roll us sideways, trying to get out from underneath me.

I looked up and found his face inches from mine, his wide blue eyes challenging me, pushing me, always fucking pushing me. I couldn't attack him with my hands or arms, I couldn't get any leverage with my legs or body, but I was damned if I was going to let him take control. I only had one option left.

I assaulted his mouth with mine.

He froze under my onslaught, pausing mid roll, his lips tense and unresponsive. I didn't care. He tasted so damn good, I couldn't understand why I hadn't been doing this before. I didn't need to hurt him – he was already in pain. Hurting him more wasn't going to make my pain any easier to deal with. I just needed to take what he was offering.

I sucked and licked at him until he opened his mouth just a fraction and I could pull his lower lip between my teeth. He whimpered quietly and sagged on to his back, loosening his hold on my arms just enough for me to push my hands to the floor and take some of my weight off his body. I pushed my tongue into his mouth and he finally began to kiss me back, greedily opening to me and meeting my tongue with his.

I groaned uncontrollably into his mouth. Our legs were still tangled together and I shifted my hips to grind my hardening cock into just the right place. He slid his arms down my body to grab my ass and pull me harder against him, and this time I let him roll me to the side, freeing my hands to cradle his head, tilt it to one side, hold it still and not let go.

Eventually we had to break apart, gasping for breath. I took the opportunity to sit up and start undoing the buttons on his shirt, my hands shaking, desperate to feel his skin against mine. He grabbed my hands in his, holding them still, looking at me with hope and lust and fear.

"Edward, are you sure you want this?" he panted, his voice rough and low.

"No, I'm not sure," I said, shaking my hands free to carry on with the buttons, looking back down at what I was doing. "That's the point, isn't it? Sometimes you have to risk it. Do _you_ want it? Did you really mean all that shit you said before?"

He nodded frantically.

"So much, Edward," he pleaded. "I'm so sorry about everything, I..."

"Jasper, shut the fuck up," I growled at him, leaning back and pulling us both to our feet. "We need to get upstairs."

I dragged him to the stairs and couldn't help a small smile, remembering the last time I had done this. This time however, he pushed past me and turned on the step above, sliding a hand behind my neck and pulling until I fell against him and we both collapsed onto the stairs. His mouth was back on mine in a second, his hands pulling at my tee, somehow tugging it up my chest between our bodies. I could finally feel his skin against mine as his shirt fell open; it felt blissful, but it wasn't enough.

I pulled away from him to yank my tee over my head and push his shirt off his shoulders, before leaning in to find his mouth again. I would never get tired of that mouth. It was hard and soft all at the same time, wet tongue, dry smooth lips, rough stubble around it. It was heavenly, but it wasn't enough.

I sat back, gasping, and once again pulled him to his feet.

"We _need_ to get upstairs," I insisted. But we couldn't stop touching and kissing and we nearly fell back down again as we stumbled upwards, locked together at our mouths and hands. We got stuck for a while on the landing, unable to make it any further forward without taking more time to stroke and lick and clutch at each other. I managed to manoeuvre us into my bedroom doorway and tear myself away long enough to grab supplies from the drawers. I still wasn't going to do this in the bed I had shared with Bella.

I towed Jasper into the spare room and re-attached myself to his mouth before he had a chance to start bloody talking again. Hands found belts and buttons and zips until at last we were naked and in each other's arms, joined at the mouth, chest, groin; hard and aching and rubbing together frantically. Jasper broke the kiss and I started to protest, until I realised he was sinking to his knees, pushing me back on to the bed, licking and sucking his way down my chest and stomach until his cheek was brushing far too gently against my aching cock.

He continued his slow progress downwards, pressing my knees apart, kissing into the creases where my legs met my body. When he licked under my balls I groaned with pleasure; he took each one into his mouth in turn, sucking and licking and gently tugging them until I thought I would explode with need. I reached down to grab my cock but he batted my hand away and carried on working with his mouth, further and further down. I knew where he was going but I still flinched when he got there, unable to prevent a yelp of surprise as his tongue made contact with my hole. I swear I heard him chuckle, which for some reason made me relax, and the next time his tongue passed over me I moaned instead, shivers of desire coursing throughout my body.

He replaced his tongue with a finger and started rubbing wet circles around my entrance while his mouth moved back up to my balls. He was driving me crazy; I wanted his mouth higher up, his finger in me, not on me.

"Jasper..." I pleaded.

As the word left my mouth, his finger slid inside me and I arched off the bed. It didn't make any sense that he was only touching me in two places and my whole body was buzzing with sensation. I swore as he moved his finger inside me, the curious burn and slight discomfort obliterated by waves of pleasure as he expertly found that perfect place. He still hadn't touched my cock and I was close to losing control.

He seemed to sense I was at the edge, and slowed his movements, removing his mouth and sitting up slightly, reaching across me with his other hand for the supplies I had thrown on the bed. Despite the glorious feelings sweeping through me, I panicked.

"Jasper, I still don't know, I'm not sure..."

"Relax, Edward," he smiled. "This is just a taster. When I finally get to take you, I want you to be begging for it."

My mouth fell open at his words, and then he twisted his finger sharply inside me and then pulled it out fast, chuckling again at my whimper of pleasure and loss.

"Speaking of which," he said, holding up a condom. "Do I need to beg?"

No, he didn't need to beg. I shook my head and lay very still while he rolled it on to me and covered me with lube. I was so far gone, if I had moved in his hand I might have come right there and then.

He crawled up the bed and lay down on his stomach next to me, leaning in to kiss me gently, letting me breathe. I eventually trusted myself enough to move and sat up, waiting for him to turn over, but he just looked at me over his shoulder and settled further into the bed.

"Any time," he said, teasingly.

Holy shit. I grabbed the lube and coated my fingers, before placing one hand on his perfect ass and gently parting his cheeks. I closed my eyes as I felt my way, sliding first one, then two fingers inside him, listening with satisfaction to his moans of delight. He was moving under my hands, rubbing himself into the mattress, cursing into the pillows as I picked up speed and curled my fingers.

I wanted to take my time, I wanted it to be perfect for him, but it was all too much. I had to be inside him. I carefully pulled out my fingers and nudged his knees further apart so I could line myself up against him. He turned his head again to look at me and our eyes were locked together as I pushed inside.

"Jesus holy fucking CHRIST!"

I don't know if he was swearing too, my entire world had contracted down to the feeling of him wrapped tightly around my cock. I pulled his hips up and leaned forward to kiss his back, holding still for a moment for him to adjust, for me to adjust. And then I did what I had been wanting to do, needing to do, all fucking day. I pulled out and thrust back in, finding a steady rhythm that allowed me to keep going without exploding immediately. I was aware that his hand was moving underneath him, and I realised I had neglected him once again, but it was too late, far too late to worry about that. I gave in to the lust and moved faster, feeling my balls tightening as they slapped against him, suddenly hearing him cry out and clench around me, pulling my orgasm out of me, pulling me further into him, giving him everything I had.

_-Since-_

We talked, after. About everything and nothing. He told me about Alice, and Peter, and what it was like to live so far away from his family. I told him about Bella, and my work, and what it was like not to have any family at all. We talked about the past, and what we had done and experienced to get to where we were. We didn't talk about the future.

After some time, we both got hungry, and we padded downstairs in pyjama pants, to raid the fridge and find a few beers. He wanted to put an ice-pack on my bruised knuckles. I told him I wasn't that much of a pussy, and then offered it to him for his face. We started trading insults, and then playful punches, and then more kisses. We took our food back upstairs and sat on the bed, Jasper nestled between my legs, his back to my chest, occasionally turning and pressing a soft kiss to my face.

I got tired early, still missing sleep from the previous night. I asked him if he would stay, and he told me that he would stay every night if he could. He looked startled as he said it; I don't know who was more thrown by his words, him or me. We pretended it wasn't a big deal. We ignored the obvious fact that in seven days he would be sleeping thousands of miles away. He changed the subject, saying that he was concerned about Bella coming home, about what to say to her, but I told him we would deal with that if it happened. He nodded, and texted Rosalie to tell her not to expect him back until tomorrow.

We discarded our clothes and made love again, slowly, sweetly, faces together, whispering and kissing in the darkness. When I finally drifted towards sleep, wrapped around Jasper's warm body, I knew that my future was uncertain, but tonight I was content.

* * *

BPOV

I let myself in as quietly as I could, hoping that the click of my key turning in the lock wouldn't wake Edward. Not that he would normally be asleep at this time, but I was guessing, hoping, that he was still tired from the lack of sleep the night before. It was after midnight and there were no lights on in the house, so it looked like I was right. I could hear the faint, familiar rumbling of Edward's light snoring coming from upstairs.

Kate had offered to let me stay, but everything was so disrupted I just wanted to be in my own home. I had told her everything, and we had talked and talked for hours. I was lucky to have such good friends – it wasn't like I could go and talk to Rosalie about this. Kate provided a better perspective anyway, and wasn't afraid to challenge me. I knew she would still accept me whatever happened.

She asked me why I had stayed with Edward for so long, if he wasn't my forever guy. I told her I didn't believe in forever guys.

She asked me why I didn't just stay with him now, as Jasper would be leaving anyway. I told her it wasn't enough any more. I felt like I had been woken up. I'd had a taste of something and needed to find out what it meant.

She asked me if I wanted to be with Jasper. I told her it wasn't about Jasper, not for me anyway. The way I had felt when I was with him had been astonishing, but mainly because I didn't know I was capable of feeling that way at all, about anyone.

How did I feel about Edward cheating? I told her I was hurt, more than I thought I would be, but also relieved, given what I had done myself. Strangely detached, really.

How did I feel about Edward being with a man? Shocked, despite myself. I'd always prided myself on being totally open and tolerant of other people's preferences, but this had thrown me more than I could explain. And yet, it would almost have been worse if it had been just another woman.

What did I really want? For me, for my life? More. I wanted more. I'd had a glimpse of something and I wanted to experience it again. I couldn't go back to safe and careful.

As I climbed the stairs, it occurred to me that it might be strange, sleeping beside Edward in our bed. We weren't ever going back to the way we had been before, and it seemed inappropriate, uncomfortable. I decided to sleep in the spare room instead; I swung the door open and gasped, standing frozen in the doorway, my hand hovering over the light switch.

Edward was curled up around Jasper in the centre of the bed. The covers had been pushed down to their hips, so I could see their naked torsos pressed together in the faint light from the window. I bit my knuckles to stop myself crying out. A spike of pure jealousy shot through and shocked me.

What was I envious of? Did I want to be in Edward's arms, feeling his hard chest pressing into my back, his heavy arm across my side, his fingers grazing my breasts? I had been there so many times, and never felt the craving that I did when Jasper had touched me. Did I want to be holding Jasper? Settled into his side, my face resting against his neck, my hands on his stomach? It had felt so right when I had been with him, but looking at him now, I knew I didn't belong there. Edward did.

And that was what I was jealous of. I wanted to belong. Somewhere, with someone. I wanted a connection. I had scoffed at the concept my whole life, I had pitied the poor idiots who were so wrapped up in each other that they tolerated pain and resentment and suffering to be together. But somehow seeing Edward and Jasper lying there, intertwined, despite everything, it all made sense.

A silent tear escaped me and rolled down my cheek. They looked so beautiful, so peaceful. I quietly closed the door and went to find my own bed.

* * *

**A/N**

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	11. Weight of things that remained unspoken

**Thank-you everyone who has reviewed, I really appreciate every single one. If I haven't replied to you I do apologise, I try but I'm bound to miss some.**

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**SM owns. I just get them really, really worked up.**

* * *

EPOV

MONDAY

The first thing I was aware of when I woke up was that I wasn't in my own bed. The second thing was that the person next to me wasn't Bella.

Jasper and I had disentangled in the night; I had been tightly wrapped around him as I fell asleep, but woke on my back, my arms thrown over my head. He was still facing away from me, still touching, his back pressed into my side. I carefully shifted over to break the contact with his skin, peeling apart where our sleep-damp bodies were connected, so I could lean over and look at his face.

He looked utterly peaceful. Content. I thought back to my first impressions of him, as he had made himself at home in my house. He had seemed so relaxed in his own skin. He had let me see a little of what lay beneath that yesterday, but I stood by my initial opinion. He knew who he was. I, on the other hand, didn't recognise myself at all.

Yesterday had felt amazingly comfortable. After we had stopped trying to kill each other. There were no awkward silences or difficult moments. We had avoided certain subjects, by unspoken agreement, and had discovered many things we both liked, and a few we were complete opposites about. We laughed a lot. We touched constantly. He always had a hand on me, or my arm was curled around him, or my lips on his skin somewhere. I had to keep reminding myself that this was a man. I had never had this kind of physical contact with a man before, but it seemed so natural. More than natural, it was imperative. I couldn't be in the same room as him and not touch him. It wasn't about him being a man, it was about him being Jasper.

I lay back on the cool pillow, listening to Jasper's quiet breathing. I realised I could hear noises in the kitchen and realised that was what had woken me. Bella was home. I looked over at the clock on the bedside table and saw that it was after nine. I frowned. Bella was usually at work by eight, and as far as I knew she had intended to work most of this week, with a day off at the end to help Rosalie with the wedding preparations. I rolled out of bed and pulled on the pyjama pants I had been wearing the night before. Jasper shifted into the warm spot I had just vacated but looked deeply asleep.

The certainty and confidence I had felt with him yesterday was evaporating in the morning light. While we were cocooned in the house alone, nothing else seemed to matter. When he was talking, laughing, touching me, I just wanted to keep on doing that. But the thought of having to face Bella, face my friends and colleagues, face a different life, may me feel very uncertain.

My chest seemed to constrict as the reality of my future re-asserted itself. All the issues I had ignored the night before. All the subjects we had avoided. He was leaving. She was leaving. I was going to have to get used to being alone.

I crept quietly into my bedroom to find a tee to pull on and then went downstairs to find her. There was a suitcase standing by the front door and I briefly wondered if she had decided to take all the wedding stuff over to Rosalie early. I knew I was kidding myself. I guessed she had realised Jasper was here.

I stood in the kitchen doorway and watched her for a moment before clearing my throat to let her know I was there. She looked over at me and my chest tightened even further. She didn't smile; she looked defeated.

"Edward," she said, her voice flat, turning back to the sandwich she was making.

I looked at the food laid out on the counter and realised she was packing a lunch.

"What's going on?" I asked, hesitantly. "Not working today?"

"I decided to take the week off," she replied.

"Bella?"

She carefully put down the knife she was using and turned to look at me again.

"I can't do it," she said, her voice dropping. "I thought I could, but I can't."

"Do what?" I asked.

"I can't hang around and watch you and Jasper together," she whispered. "I saw you last night. Sleeping. I don't blame you, Edward, I practically gave you permission, I just..."

She turned back to the counter, slammed the slices of bread together and started hacking them into pieces, roughly squashing them and separating them into squares.

"It hurts," she bit out, almost to herself. "It wasn't supposed to hurt. It was never supposed to hurt."

I moved towards her, not sure if she would let me, but she allowed me to wrap my arms around her and pull her back against my chest. I prised the knife out of her hand and turned her around, breathing in the familiar scent of her hair as she clung to me hard.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered. Images of my life without her washed over me. The empty house, the cold bed, the having to start over. Suddenly I wasn't at all sure I could do it. Holding Bella as she strained not to sob into my chest, it somehow didn't seem worth it. I started to panic.

I stepped back from Bella, placing a hand under her chin so she looked up at me.

"We don't have to do this," I heard myself saying. "We could work it out. We could see a counsellor..."

"Edward!" She cut me off, shaking her head. "You don't really believe that, do you?"

She turned back to the counter and started stuffing her lunch into a cold bag, her moment of vulnerability extinguished.

"I'm going to visit Renee and Phil," she said. "I'll be back on Friday for the pre-wedding dinner."

"Bella, please," I begged. "Please don't take off, we need to talk."

"Actually, we need to think," she said. "And I don't want to see Jasper. He makes thinking very difficult."

She put a few things back in the fridge and headed for the door, and I realised she was actually going right now. I didn't try to stop her; I knew it was pointless. This was the strong-willed, independent woman I loved, and she had made up her mind. I stood forlornly in the hallway as she gathered up her bags and coat, wondering how the hell I had got to this place.

She stepped out of the door and paused to look back at me, reading the guilt and fear in my face.

"This would have happened eventually," she said softly. "It's not your fault."

I laughed bitterly.

"Then what the hell were we doing for the last seven years?" I asked.

She just looked away and closed the door gently behind her.

* * *

JPOV

WEDNESDAY

The first week of this holiday had been amazing, if a little crazy. The second week? Not so much.

I hadn't seen Edward since Monday morning, and had no idea how we had left things. I had woken alone in the bed, and eventually found him in his office, writing something incomprehensible of one of several computers. The room was a geek's wet dream, black metal racks on every wall, crowded with humming equipment and tangles of wire. Edward had been distracted, stabbing irritably at his keyboard, a world away from the relaxed, confident man of the previous day.

He told me Bella had been, and gone. I felt relieved that I hadn't had to see her, and then guilty at feeling relieved, and knowing Edward had had to deal with things alone. He was obviously upset, and I wanted to touch him, ease him somehow, bring him comfort, but he shut me out, telling me he had to work. I gave up trying to talk to him, asking him to call me later when he was free and had let myself out, deciding that the long walk back to Rosie's in the fresh air would be helpful.

He hadn't called. Not on Monday, not all day Tuesday. I could have called him, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I needed him to want to.

Rosie kept me occupied with various tasks and visits which I vaguely remembered asking her to arrange before I came. Monday afternoon had been a visit from a distant cousin who wasn't going to be able to attend the wedding. The evening was occupied with endless re-arranging of the seating plan for the reception, the names of people I had never met dancing in front of my eyes by the end of the night. I tried to follow Emmett's lead by not voicing any opinion, but apparently I couldn't get away with it like he could.

Monday night on the sofa had been mostly sleepless.

Tuesday was filled with a trip to Leicester to catch up with more relatives who wanted to see me away from the wedding craziness. I'm sure I had been really excited about seeing them when we had planned it, but obviously wasn't being enthusiastic enough as I earned myself several pointed stares and at least one shove in the back from my sister over the course of the day. I was so tired I fell asleep in the car on the way home, and my parents took pity on me and let me nap in the spare room for a few hours in the evening before I got turfed out on to the sofa after dinner.

This morning my parents had insisted on taking me to brunch. They thought it was a proper American thing to do, and were ridiculously excited about it. I tried hard to be appropriately grateful for their thoughtfulness, but all I could feel was a gnawing ache in my chest, and the food stuck in my throat.

The more time that passed without Edward calling, the more I was convinced that the bubble we had created on Sunday had somehow burst while we slept, and that I wouldn't get any time like that with him again.

The more I thought about it, and I thought about it a lot, the more wretched I felt. The whole thing was entirely my fault. I had been selfish and thoughtless and stupidly optimistic about how things might turn out. I had fallen hard for Edward, who I had no right to feel that way about, and I had taken advantage of Bella in the worst possible way.

I was everything I had always loathed and honestly deserved to go home alone. I just had to make it through the rest of the week without causing any more heartache and I could run away like the coward I was.

I should have known that Rosie wouldn't let me get away with it that easily. I had barely got back from brunch and stepped in through Rosie's door, when she was turning me around again and yelling at Emmett to get his ass downstairs. I protested that I was tired and just wanted to rest, but as usual she completely ignored me. I pleaded with Emmett to let me off whatever activity she had planned but he just shrugged, grinned, and pushed me out of the door.

We walked towards the centre of town, through side streets I didn't recognise. Emmett kept up his usual stream of amusing and frequently crude comments and I felt myself starting to relax despite myself. Eventually we stopped at a tatty unmarked door which Emmett banged loudly on.

"Tell me you ate well with your folks this morning," he demanded.

"Emmett, where the hell are you taking me?" I asked, as the door was opened by a tall skinny guy who grunted in recognition and stood back to let us in.

"Best snooker club in town," said Emmett proudly, leading me into a large, dark hall with at least a dozen tables spaced evenly across the room. The far wall was occupied by a long bar, where a bored looking girl was polishing glasses.

"In the country, you fucker," said a deep voice behind us, and Emmett turned to growl at an enormous bear of a man walking up from the back of the room. They punched and laughed at each other before Emmett turned to introduce us.

"Jasper, meet Felix, the owner of this fine establishment," he said. "Felix, this is Rosalie's brother, Jasper."

Felix put out his hand to shake mine and I almost hesitated. There weren't many men who could make Emmett look small, but Felix managed it. I guessed he didn't get much trouble with the punters. Felix yelled over at the bar girl and she started pulling beer into pint glasses. He went over to her, presumably to fetch the drinks, while Emmett started racking up balls at the nearest table.

Once I was sure Felix was out of earshot, I murmured to Emmett.

"Seriously, it's still morning," I said. "Rosie will kill us."

He just grinned even more than usual.

"It was her idea," he said, handing me a cue. "That's why I wanted to make sure you had eaten properly."

I rolled my eyes. Rosie on her own was a force of nature; combined with Emmett there was no point fighting at all.

So we started playing. I hadn't played snooker since I was a kid, but the principles were the same as pool. The table seemed vast, and I under-hit quite a few shots before getting used to the weight of the balls and the distances they needed to travel. Felix and his staff carried on doing whatever they did, occasionally depositing fresh beer nearby. There didn't seem to be any other customers, and it occurred to me that maybe they had opened just for us.

I kept waiting and waiting for Emmett to say something. I was pretty sure that this wasn't just for fun, although I can't imagine it would have taken a lot of persuasion to get Emmett to participate. Eventually I couldn't take it any longer, and after finally finishing, and losing, the first game, I laid my cue down and leaned back against the adjacent table, folding my arms.

"So what exactly are we doing here?" I asked.

Emmett made a great show of chalking his cue and re-racking the balls.

"You shouldn't lean on the tables you know," he remarked. "Felix gets very touchy about that sort of thing."

I instantly jumped away from the table, earning myself a snort from Emmett. He held my cue out to me, but I refused to take it from him. I raised my eyebrows, waiting.

He sighed and propped the cue against the table.

"Rosalie thinks I should talk to you," he said, bending forward to break. "She thinks you're making things worse."

"What do you think?" I asked.

"I think that when it comes to getting your dick wet, you have no trouble in getting what you want," he said, smacking the cue into the white and splitting the pack all over the table. "But when it comes to actually relating to people you haven't got beyond the playground."

He stood back up and looked at me, daring me to challenge his assessment. I chewed my lip.

"That's probably fair," I admitted. "But I don't see what the hell I'm supposed to do. How can it be worse than it already is?"

"What do you actually want, Jasper?" he asked, holding my cue out again. "If you could make this all work out exactly how you want it, how would it turn out?"

I reluctantly took the cue and looked around the table for an easy red. I thought about his question while I made my shot, and missed. I waited for him to start playing, and potting balls, before I answered.

"I'd be with Edward," I admitted.

"Great," he said, moving round the table. "So, what's stopping you?"

I closed my eyes.

"Where do you want me to start?" I asked. "He's straight, he lives on a different continent to me, I fucked his girlfriend – do I need to go on?"

Emmett potted two more balls before standing up to look at me.

"Have you talked to him about it?" he asked.

"No," I replied.

"So, you don't actually know if any of that is a problem," he went on.

"I don't think that discussing the Atlantic Ocean will make it any smaller," I snapped.

"But couldn't you move back here?" he asked. "It's not like you're looking forward to going home."

I looked at him accusingly, and he had the grace to look sheepish.

"Rosalie might have mentioned that to me," he admitted.

"It doesn't get around the other issues," I pointed out.

"So go and talk to him, for God's sake, stop being such a girl."

He finally missed a pot and stood back to let me play. I fiddled with my cue. He was right, and it was extremely annoying. I was running out of time, and wasting it waiting for Edward to make a move. If it all went hideously wrong, I still had the running away option.

I looked at my half-empty beer glass.

"Can we get out of here?" I asked.

Emmett pouted and drained his pint, then went to find Felix to pay our bill.

o0o0o0o0o

Emmett insisted on getting a taxi to Edward's house, not willing to make the hour long walk back by himself. I stood outside the front door, contemplating the fact that once again I was turning up unannounced. It seemed to be becoming a habit. Emmett assured me that Edward was home, another piece of information provided by my increasingly omniscient sister. I waited until the taxi pulled away before I rang the bell.

There was a long wait, with no sign of movement inside, and I was about to try again when I saw a shadow move inside through the frosted glass and the door slowly opened. We stood looking at each other without speaking for a few moments, before Edward moved back to let me inside.

He looked dreadful. He obviously hadn't slept much since the last time I saw him. His eyes looked dull, with dark circles under them, his pale skin almost translucent against several days of stubble. His normally wild hair was even more chaotic, unwashed and stuck down to his head in places. I still wanted to kiss him.

If he looked a mess, the house was worse. I followed him into the living room, where it seemed he had been eating, drinking and smoking for the last two days. It was dark, the curtains still closed, and smelled stale and stuffy. The floor was littered with empty pizza boxes and beer cans, most having been used as makeshift ashtrays for the mountains of cigarette butts piled everywhere. An Xbox game was paused on the huge screen, an alien in mid-battle cry frozen while leaping through the air over its hapless victim. Edward flopped down on the sofa into a pile of blankets and cushions and lit a cigarette. I walked over to the window and pulled the curtain back a little, a beam of light illuminating dust particles floating in the heavy air. I cracked the window open, letting in some much needed fresh air, and then moved a dirty plate from the armchair so I could sit down.

I had no idea where to start.

"I like what you've done with the place," I offered with a small smile.

He rolled his eyes at me, but he couldn't help smiling back.

"It's not just good design," he countered. "It's a lifestyle choice."

I chuckled.

"Why the hell didn't you call me?" I asked.

He shrugged.

"Been busy," he said. Both our smiles faded away.

"I can see that," I answered.

There was a small silence while I gathered myself up to take the plunge.

"I was thinking," I started. "I might come back, you know. I could move back to England."

He stared at me blankly, exhaling a cloud of smoke.

"No," he stated.

"No?" I had been braced for a rejection but the ache in my chest threatened to crush me.

"Well, not for me anyway," he said. "I mean, if you have your own reasons for coming back then fine, but don't include me in your decision."

"Why not?" I asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

"Are you crazy?" he spluttered, sitting up and stabbing out his cigarette. "What am I saying, of course you're crazy. What if it's a disaster? And then we both have to live with the fact that you changed your life for something that didn't happen? It's way too much pressure."

I couldn't help but smile a bit. It wasn't because he didn't want me here, he was just scared. But he hadn't finished.

"Two weeks ago I was a straight guy in a stable relationship," he said. "There is no way I'm ready to announce to the world I'm fucking another man, let alone one who crossed half the world to be with me."

"Is that what this is about?" I frowned. "You don't want people to know you're gay?"

"I'm not gay!" he spat, scrambling up from the sofa in agitation. "I've never been attracted to any man that way until I met you and I'm not sure I ever will be again. And yes, it is a big fucking deal. It may be all fine and easy for you, but you dealt with it years ago, and you live in a place where it's accepted, and everyone already knows and you don't have to explain yourself."

"You really think that?" I asked, shocked, standing up to look him in the eye. "You really think that because I came out when I was a kid that it's easy for me now? You think that because I live in New York I don't get hatred and bigotry thrown at me every day? You don't think I have to come out all over again every single fucking time I meet someone new, or go someplace different?"

We stared at each other for a moment, before Edward's face softened, the side of his mouth quirking up slightly.

"Well, you're really selling it to me now," he said, smiling and stepping closer. He ran his hands through his disastrous hair and sighed again.

"Look, I'm sorry, I'm just not ready to deal with all this," he went on. "If we had time, if we could see where this was going and what it all meant, then maybe it would be something I would choose, but I can't make that decision based on two crazy weeks of insanity."

"But don't you feel it?" I asked, trying to keep my voice even. "Don't you feel anything? Trust me, under other circumstances I wouldn't be even thinking about asking you that right now, but I'm running out of time. I need you to understand, this isn't normal for me."

"Of course it's not normal," he snorted, stepping forward again, seemingly not even noticing he was closing the distance between us. "You're out of your home environment. You're on holiday, for God's sake. I don't think you're in a position to judge how you feel. It'll all be different once you have to get up for work again in the mornings, and pay your rent, and do your laundry. We're in a fucking bubble here, it's not real."

"You think this is just a holiday crush?" I asked. "Is that what it is to you? Just some crazy fling that you'll forget about when I leave?"

"No, that's not what I meant," he said. "I just don't think either of us should be making life-changing decisions based on what happened here."

"You didn't answer my question," I pointed out, taking the final step to stand right next to him. "About how you feel. What you feel."

He swallowed, and very slowly lifted one hand to my face, running his thumb along my cheekbone. I closed my eyes, bracing myself for his answer, hoping, hoping.

"I don't know if I can answer it," he said, softly. "Whenever I'm with you I get so jumbled up inside I can't think clearly. I just want to touch you all the time, and it scares the hell out of me. Then when I'm apart from you I get angry and resentful about how fucked up everything is. And when I think about you leaving and that I won't see you again... My life is going to change. I miss Bella so much. I'm going to have to sort out where I live, and where I work, and who I hang out with, and..."

His voice faltered as he ran out of words. I reached up to cover his hand on my face, and turned to brush my lips across his palm.

"All that's going to happen anyway," I said. "I could be here. I could help."

He shook his head.

"It wouldn't help, Jasper," he sighed. "It would just make things more complicated. I'm sorry. Can we please just not talk about it any more?"

"I don't want to go home," I whispered. I couldn't bear to think about it.

"I know, but you have to," he said. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't call, I just kind of shut down, I didn't know what to do. But now that you're here, can we just make the most of the time we have left? I know you have to do stuff with your family but..."

"Rosie's not expecting me back," I interrupted.

"Really?" he asked, his eyes lighting up.

"I'm sleeping on the damn sofa at her place anyway," I told him. "She said I might as well stay here. If you want me to."

"Yes," he replied. "I want you to."

He pushed his hand back into my hair and leaned forward to give me the kiss I had been aching for since I had walked in. His lips were dry and he tasted of cigarettes but I didn't care. Every time we came together it was like starting from the beginning again, and this kiss was no different, slowly re-exploring mouths and lips and tongues, remembering how to be with each other again. I wound my arms around him, holding him lightly, still scared to push him too fast.

When he pulled back he was smiling, looking sweetly nervous.

"I should probably have a shower," he said, half-smiling in that crazy sexy way he has.

"Well, I wasn't going to say anything," I chuckled. "But yes, that would probably be a good idea."

I ran a hand over his rough cheek.

"Leave this for a bit though," I suggested.

Edward smirked at my words, catching my hand and pulling me towards the stairs.

He had a great shower, plenty of room for two. We didn't really talk, just undressing without fuss and getting on with washing. I took the opportunity to look at him properly for the first time. He really was quite beautiful. He stood under the spray, his head tilted back to let the water stream over his hair and down his body, glistening along every curve and dip of his muscles. I watched as long as I could stand it, but needed to be touching him, needed his hands on me too. I was getting hard just looking at him and wasn't sure how long I could wait.

I grabbed a bottle of shampoo and poured some out, standing behind him to rub it into his hair. He huffed contentedly as I worked my fingers into his scalp, and then smoothed the foam down his neck and chest. I couldn't keep my distance any longer and pressed my body into his back as I continued moving my hands lower over his front. He moved under the water to rinse the bubbles from his hair, the foam sliding between our bodies, slick and sensual on our skin. To my surprise and delight he pushed back against me, shifting his ass so my hard cock rested between his cheeks. I groaned in pleasure and shamelessly ground into him, holding his hips still so I could get the friction I needed.

He glanced at me over his shoulder, looking impossibly pleased with himself, and then grabbed one of my hands, moving it off his hip and on to his own erection. I didn't need any more direction, gripping him firmly and stroking him while still thrusting against him. He swore under his breath and then leaned forward, bracing his hands against the wall, pushing back harder.

I wanted to be in him so badly. I'm sure he had no idea what he was doing to me and I had to bite my lip hard to stop myself from giving in to the temptation. I pumped him faster and moved my other hand under his balls, working backward until I was rubbing against his hole. He didn't flinch this time, if anything he was moving against my fingers, the swearing getting louder and less coherent.

I couldn't keep rubbing myself against him with both my hands occupied so I held still and concentrated on moving one hand fast and the other really slow, finally pressing the tip of one finger into him. He moaned and I felt him tense and then relax, so I could slide it in further, moving back and forth, curling and reaching until I found the right spot. I pushed and twisted, picking up speed, laying my face against his back as I felt him start to tighten, hearing him calling out over and over – _yes, fuck, yes, fuck, yes, yes_ – and then he was roaring as he came hard, his head thrown back, spilling over my hand and the tiles, clamping down on my finger, his whole body shuddering against me.

I slipped my finger out of him and wrapped both arms around his waist, holding him up as his knees threatened to buckle. He was breathing hard when he turned to face me, pulling my hips against his, my aching cock hard against his belly. His smile was triumphant.

"I'm ready," he whispered. "I want you to do it."

I shook my head, barely able to speak between my own heaving breaths.

"Can't," I gasped. He looked surprised, and disappointed.

"I need to take it slow with you, the first time," I panted, my voice tight with the effort of speaking. "Right now, I just really need to come."

Understanding dawned on his face and before I knew what was happening he had dropped to his knees and and enveloped my cock in his hot mouth.

"Jesus, Edward," I cried out. "That... Feels..."

I gave up trying to tell him, as he swirled his tongue around me, using his hand to urge me towards an orgasm that really didn't need that much encouragement. My hands were in his hair as I fought the urge to thrust into his mouth, but I was so close and his lips felt so good, there wasn't going to be time for that anyway.

"Gonna come," I warned him, letting him pull away just a second before I erupted over his neck and chest, his hand still moving over me as the last pulses faded away. I looked down at him, covered in my come, grinning up at me like a lunatic, and it was the fucking sexiest thing I had ever seen.

"You need another shower," I told him.

He stood up and nodded.

"We've got all afternoon and all night," he said, handing me a bottle of shower gel. I grinned back at him and took it from him. I had no intention of sleeping if I could possibly help it.

**

* * *

A/N**

**The fantabulous TwiSluts Anonymous are hosting the brilliant Hot Lemons Contest, and Hooch, Evil and myself are judging. There are 9 awesome entries so please leave our authors some love and vote! Voting open until Feb 13.**

**http:/www . Fanfiction . net/u/2600429/TSA_Hot_Lemons**

**I have an entry in the Dirty Talking Jasper contest. It's anonymous so you'll just have to guess which one, but really there are some fuckawesome entries so go enjoy and vote for your favourite. ****Voting opens Feb 15.**

**http:/www. fanfiction . net/u/2651284/ **

**Last bit of pimping, I am really enjoying a story by a new author Bellemeer. Her story "There's a Crack in Everything" has just started and is really lovely ExJ slash. Go read and tell her I sent you! http:/www . fanfiction . net/s/6685076/1/ **

**(delete the spaces in the urls)**

**Talking of reviewing, here are your C&P options. GO DO IT!**

"**Mmmmm shower sex nomnomnomnom."**

**OR**

"**If you don't write the rest of the lemon in the next chapter I will FLOUNCE."**

**I'll shut up now.**


	12. Minestrone

**Many thanks to all my lovely reviewers. For the first time I have not been able to do any review replies. I am very sorry - I do really read and appreciate every single one, but I thought you would rather I wrote a new chapter with the small amount of time I have had available. Special hello to my new readers who have taken the time to review every chapter as they go along, it makes my day!**

**Thanks as always to livinginadw and hoochiemomma for help with plot detail and to hooch & evilgiraffe for fabulous beta services. I couldn't do it without you ladies. Oh and thanks to jasperluver48 for the candy!**

**SM owns, I just mess with their heads, poor boys.**

* * *

EPOV

Jasper was washing me. I was pretty sure I was clean by now. He had been very thorough. This was at least his third, maybe fourth pass over my chest, and he was covering every inch, top to bottom, before starting again. I really couldn't bring myself to stop him. I felt like I was high.

I knew I should have let him talk. I should have explained better - my fears, my feelings, my confusion. I knew I had hurt him with my rejection. I knew he had hoped I would ask him to stay.

I knew I should be thinking more clearly. Thinking about what he said, what he offered, what he wanted. But I had spent the last two days doing nothing but thinking, and it hadn't helped at all. Right now, I was _feeling_ instead. And it felt fucking brilliant.

Nothing else mattered except the rough sponge dragging on my skin, the smooth slickness of the foam sliding over me, the firm touch of his fingers holding me, moving me, controlling me.

This amazing person, kneeling before me, stroking down my legs, smiling up at me, was making me feel worshipped. His smile wasn't his trademark smirk, or his naughty, lustful grin. He just looked happy. Being with me made him happy. I could feel the muscles in my face aching, and knew he could see the same in me.

We were back in our bubble and I wanted to stay here. I wanted him. In every possible way. I was probably rushing things, but I wanted to give him something, a part of me that no-one else had. I couldn't give him the promises he wanted. I couldn't let him stay for me. It was too much. But I had three fucking days left. And I could give him those.

He worked his way back up again until he was standing in front of me once more. I reached round the back of his neck, tangling my fingers in his wet hair and pulling him towards me. I kissed him firmly, briefly and then pulled away to look at him.

"I think I am possibly clean now," I whispered, smiling. He just kissed me again and turned off the water.

We found some clean towels in the cupboard and stumbled into the spare room, drying each other and pushing each other around, laughing. I threw myself down on to the bed on my back, arms and legs splayed out in front of him, delighted that I didn't feel self-conscious or awkward.

"How are we going to do this, then?" I asked.

He sat down on the side of the bed and ran his hand over my stomach.

"What exactly did you have in mind?" he asked back.

"Well you said you wanted to take it slowly the first time, so, where do you want me?"

He shook his head, laughing.

"I'm not going to just throw you on the bed and stick it in you," he said.

The image his words brought up slowed me down abruptly.

"You mean, like I did to you?" I asked, quietly.

"Edward," he sounded frustrated. "That was different, OK? That was my choice. I knew what I was doing."

"Well, this is my choice," I insisted stubbornly.

"But you don't know what you're choosing," he said.

I sat up on the bed, feeling less comfortable.

"Don't you want to?" I asked. Crap, maybe he didn't like it that way? But I was sure he'd said he wanted to. I had no idea how to articulate what I needed to ask.

"I mean, I know that, well, some guys, you know, have a preference, I mean, I've been... and you've, well... I mean, do you prefer, being underneath?"

Jasper burst into snorts of laughter, shaking so hard he couldn't breathe.

"Sorry," he gasped, when he finally caught his breath. "You are completely fucking adorable, you know that?"

I punched his arm for that. Hard.

"Sorry, sorry," he laughed, holding his hands up in mock surrender. "You're right, a lot of men do have a preference, but with me, I guess it depends on who I'm with, and the situation, that's all. To be honest, I haven't, er, been.. underneath..." he couldn't suppress another burst of laughter, "with anyone for a few years now, until you."

"Why?" I asked, truly puzzled now.

His face settled in to a more serious expression.

"I haven't been in any kind of settled relationship," he said, quietly, "and I don't normally want to be like that with someone I don't know too well. But with you... with you, I'll take whatever I can get."

"Well, I'm offering," I reminded him. "Don't you want to?"

"I do, I really really do Edward," he said. "But if you want me to do this, you have to let me do it my way. Slowly. Carefully. One step at a time. No throwing you on the bed and sticking it in."

I couldn't help smiling.

"Fine," I agreed. "So where do you want me?"

He rolled his eyes.

"Come and sit next to me here," he said, smacking the side of the bed.

I may have pouted a little bit, but I did what he asked and shuffled over to sit beside him.

He kissed me. Every time I tried to move things on a bit he just stopped and raised his eyebrows at me, and then went back to kissing me. Finally, _finally_, he moved away from my mouth and started kissing down my neck and chest, until he needed to move round in front of me to reach my stomach. He knelt on the floor between my legs and pushed me back until I was lying on the bed, with his wonderful hot mouth working its way down past my twitching cock until his nose was buried near my balls. He pushed my legs wider apart and started using his tongue, making me groan as he licked and sucked around my balls and further down.

He moved one hand from my thigh to my hardening cock and started smoothly stroking, distracting me for a moment until his tongue slid against my hole and I almost jumped off the bed in shock at the contact. I sat up and looked down at him as he raised his head, a question in his eyes.

"Seriously?" I asked, my voice rather more squeaky than I would have liked. "You're licking me there?"

He gave me a stern look.

"I'm pretty damn sure it's clean," he said, sarcastically.

I looked at him dubiously.

"Stop thinking, Edward," he ordered. "Just lie down and let me do this my way, OK?"

I paused and then lay back down. Fuck it.

He resumed his licking and stroking and worked his way back down. This time I was more prepared and held still, trying to focus on the sensation. It felt... wet. Slippery. Sensitive. A shiver ran up my spine. Jasper was gripping me harder now, pumping me a little faster, working his tongue against me. I realised I was pushing against the floor with my feet, trying to lift up a little, pushing against his hot mouth, starting to moan with pleasure.

He pulled me towards him so my ass shifted off the edge of the bed and he held me up to his mouth, somehow managing to thrust his tongue inside me. I let out ragged cries as he worked in and out, until suddenly his tongue was gone and I felt a slick finger slide in its place.

I fucking loved it.

I shoved hard against his hand, wanting more, groaning helplessly as he licked the length of my cock, wasting no time in swallowing me into his mouth.

He had been pretty successful in getting me to stop thinking. But I was waiting, waiting for the next step. I needed him to get on with it. I ground harder against his hand.

"Please, Jasper," I begged. "Just, please..."

A second finger joined the first.

"Oh fuck!" I gasped. It burned; it felt incredible and uncomfortable and just really damn fantastic. His mouth and tongue were moving faster and his fingers were twisting and curling and sliding inside me and I had no hope at all of holding on any longer.

"Fuck – fuck – fuck..."

My orgasm ripped through me, pulsing into his mouth, his fingers somehow drawing it out, sending sparks from inside me all the way out. His mouth and fingers slowly released me, leaving me feeling strangely empty, my body still trembling with aftershocks.

I lay on the bed with my eyes closed, feeling like every muscle in my body had contracted and then melted off my bones. My chest was heaving and I felt strangely dizzy, completely hyped up but totally relaxed at the same time. The bed dipped beside me and I opened my eyes to see Jasper crawling up beside me, running his hand up my body, leaning over to kiss me.

I looked at him expectantly. I wasn't sure how it could physically be any better than this, but I trusted Jasper to show me. He carried on laying slow wet kisses along my shoulders and neck. I pulled back from him a little, not sure why he was slowing things down again. This was it, this was exactly the right time.

"You want me to turn over?" I asked, quietly.

"Edward," he moaned into my neck, drawing out my name into a long whine. "Wasn't that enough?"

I propped myself up on my elbows to stop him nuzzling in to me.

"Why are you stopping? I asked, not quite believing him. "You said you wanted to."

"I do, Edward," he said, "but that was two fingers. Two fingers!"

He held up two fingers and then held them next to his erect cock. He had a point.

"I don't want to hurt you," he protested.

"Just try, OK?" I pleaded. "Do it now while I feel like jelly on acid."

"I can't, Edward..."

"Just fucking do it, Jasper!" I was exasperated. "I'll tell you if I want you to stop, OK, just... try. Please?"

He gave me an unreadable look, then climbed back off the bed, crossing over to the table to pick up the condoms from where they had been abandoned on Sunday. I mentally fist-pumped when I realised he had given in, and simultaneously felt kind of sick. I hoped he was going to get on with it before I lost my nerve.

He looked up to see me watching him as he stroked his hard cock a few times before rolling on the condom. _Fuck, _he really was huge. I felt my breathing start to speed up again. He deliberately turned to face me, to let me see as he coated himself with lube before crawling back over me.

"You _will_ tell me if this hurts too much," he stated, his voice gravelly and faint. It was an order, not a question.

I nodded, swallowing, trying not to betray my rising nerves. His eyes were locked on mine and he didn't look away once.

He pushed my legs wider and stroked his slick fingers against my hole. I felt myself quiver with the memory and he pushed two straight inside, slow but not stopping until they were right in me. It burned again, but it didn't hurt; I exhaled slowly and willed my muscles to relax around him. He nodded, satisfied, and started pumping his fingers again, just like before, curling and stroking me from the inside. It felt just as good, and I could feel my cock starting to harden again.

He picked up my hand with his free one and placed it on my cock. I took the hint and started stroking myself in time with his rhythm. This was fine. This wasn't new.

"More," I told him.

He nodded again, and pulled his fingers almost all the way out, before adding a third and pushing back in. The burn was intense this time and I clenched involuntarily, gritting my teeth, my breath coming in short bursts from my nose as I struggled to retain my composure. He stopped moving, his fingers half inside me, waiting for me to recover and relax, before pushing in further.

"Fuck," I breathed out. It was the strangest mixture of discomfort and fullness and spasms of intense pleasure as he hit that spot inside. It was crazy; I'd come twice already but this whole experience was so intense I was now completely hard again in my hand.

He moved his hand inside me, slowly, leaning forward over me to place wet kisses up my body, flicking his tongue over my nipples, working his way up to my neck. I was panting and moaning faintly, my eyes barely open. The burn was fading by the time he was sucking at my Adam's apple and let his fingers slide out. My eyes blinked open to find his face inches from mine. He kissed my lips softly, and then I felt the hard, slippery tip of his cock against my overheated hole. He hesitated, still staring into my eyes.

I nodded, not trusting my voice. I felt him push. It didn't seem to be possible. He pushed harder, increasing pressure, until suddenly something gave and he was in me.

"MOTHERFUCK!"

He wasn't moving, just holding the head of his cock inside while I felt like I was being burned from the inside out. I think I swore quite a lot more, my eyes squeezed shut again.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked, when I finally paused for breath.

"Yes. No!" I yelled. "Fuck. Tell me it gets better."

"It gets better," he said, solemnly.

I managed to open my eyes, to see him still staring down at me. His mouth was twitching into a badly controlled smirk.

"Not entirely sure how long I can just hold still here," he breathed.

I swallowed.

"OK," I agreed, faintly. "Go."

He rose up away from me and gripped my hip with one hand, using the other to encourage me to start stroking myself again. He pushed in slowly and I watched his face as I tried to ignore the pain. And then he started talking and for once I didn't want him to stop.

"Oh God, Edward," he moaned. "That feels so fucking amazing. You have no idea how much I've wanted to do this since the first time I saw you."

He was all the way inside me and I thought I might explode. His hips were flush with my ass and he was grinding against me, his mouth hanging open and his eyes rolling back in his head.

"Edward, Edward," he babbled. "Is this OK? Are you OK? I want to move, Edward, are you sure? Edward?"

I would have agreed to anything at this point just to keep that look on his face and the noises coming from his mouth.

"Yes," I croaked out. "Yes."

He was right. It got better. It still felt strange and stretched and it stung like hell but after he had moved carefully back and forth a few times he shifted slightly inside me and started hitting that sweet spot that had me incoherent in seconds.

He was swearing and mumbling and telling me how good it felt and I was yelling at him to give me more, trying to sit up so I could grab on to him somehow and pull him in harder but I couldn't get any leverage and gave up, collapsing back.

"Jasper!" I yelled in desperation. "Jasper – come _on_!"

Somehow the message got through and he wrapped his arms around my thighs and started really pushing in fast. I threw my head back and groaned, gasping for breath, my hand moving furiously over my cock, utterly lost in the new sensations. I could feel another orgasm rising; I didn't know how I could have anything left to release. I was aware that Jasper's rhythm was faltering and realised he was on the edge too. I closed my eyes and just let it go. I spilled over my hand, clenching impossibly tighter around Jasper, insane vibrations rippling inside me. I felt him still and he cried out before leaning slowly back over me, laying his forehead on my chest.

He slipped out of me, sending a final shiver through me, and I wondered if I would ever walk normally again. He rolled to my side and looked at me through one half-open eye.

"You happy now?" he asked sleepily.

I grinned back at him and nodded, turning to face him.

"You wanna do it again?" he asked.

I laughed.

"Yes," I said. "Yes I do, but maybe not today."

* * *

We stretched out on the sofa under a blanket, not really watching the reruns of Criminal Minds showing on the television. Jasper sat behind me, my back against his chest, his legs curled around me, absently tangling his fingers in my hair.

I had sent him out to buy food, as I had nothing edible in the house and couldn't face more pizza. I furiously cleaned up while he was gone, disgusted by the results of my self-pity. Plus the activity helped keep my mind occupied, rather than thinking about what the hell I was doing.

We ate and talked about nothing much, before arranging ourselves on the sofa as if we knew exactly how we would fit together without trying. I felt ridiculously comfortable, warm and relaxed, my eyes half closing. I found myself wishing I could be here like this every night. Which was enough to shake me out of my dream.

"I have to go to work tomorrow," I said, breaking the long silence.

Jasper raked both hands through my hair, tugging it lightly to pull my head back, so he could look at me.

"Take the day off?" he suggested.

"I can't," I said, shaking my head.

I had missed more than I should have this week already. Jasper sighed.

"Don't we have a suit fitting in the afternoon?" he asked.

"Yeah, I don't know about that," I replied. I had intended to take the end of the afternoon off for it, but now I didn't know if I was still expected, to the fitting or even the wedding.

"Rosalie is Bella's friend," I explained. "I mean, me and Emmett get on pretty well, but I'm sure I was involved because of Bella. It seems pretty weird to be turning up to all that stuff now."

"Did Rosie tell you not to coming to the fitting?" he asked.

"No, I haven't spoken to her," I admitted. "Bella told me all the dates and times ages ago."

"You seriously want to risk not showing up," he said, incredulously, "and then find out Rosie still wanted you there and you fucked up her perfect wedding plan because you weren't in the right suit?"

I turned in his arms and looked at him, feeling heavy.

"I'm not sure I should go to the wedding at all," I confessed.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," he exclaimed. "I have to go. Bella has to go. Why the hell should you get out of it if we can't?"

I turned my back to him again, letting my head fall back onto his shoulder.

"Look, just come to the fitting, OK?" he said, more gently, turning his head to brush his lips against my cheek. "I'll go talk to Rosie and Emmett tomorrow and find out what's going on."

"Alright," I agreed, reluctantly. I really didn't want to leave my bubble. "Look, just when we're there, you know, Garrett and Paul will be there too, I just think we should keep things, you know..."

I tailed off, pathetically.

"Is that why you don't want to go?" he asked lightly. "You think I'm going to try to give you head in the changing rooms?"

I couldn't help laughing. It was impossible to stay serious around him. I twisted to capture his lips briefly with mine.

"Actually, that would be pretty hot," I murmured.

"Relax, OK?" he said. "I'll be strictly professional. Besides I think my dad is going to be there too, and there are some things he really doesn't need to see."

I smiled, hating myself for feeling so relieved.

"But you'll check with Rosalie first?" I asked. "And call me at work if it's a bust?"

"Sure," he said, kissing me again, and running his hands over my chest, as far as he could reach. "I can still sleep here tomorrow, right? You're not going to banish me back to the sofa?"

"Yeah, of course," I said, turning over completely to press my body into his, kissing him deeply, losing myself in his touch. I'd keep him here as long as I could.

_

* * *

_

The next day, Jasper hadn't called by the time I left the office around three, having achieved exactly nothing at work all day. As usual, spending time apart from Jasper made the whole situation feel completely unreal. Maybe when he finally left, the whole thing would seem like a strange dream and I could get on with my life. Except whenever I thought about that, I felt slightly nauseous.

I drove out of town towards the village where the fancy little shop was that we were getting the suits from. I wasn't looking forward to the stupid fitting. We had already given all our sizes to Rosalie months ago, and for anyone else we would just go pick up the hired suits the day before and be done with it. But no, Rosalie wanted us all to go try them on, and get any adjustments made so it all looked perfect. And Rosalie always got what she wanted.

I didn't know how much Paul and Garrett knew about what had happened between me and Bella, if they were aware that we were on the verge of breaking up, let alone why. I trusted Emmett not to spill the gory details. Actually, scratch that: I trusted Rosalie to disembowel Emmett if he spilled, so I was confident he wouldn't. But they might know she had taken off. And what if Carlisle was really there? Did he know?

Fuck, when did I become someone who cared what people knew about me and my business? Oh yes, maybe since I started fucking a guy. And being fucked... I gripped the steering wheel tighter as my body reacted to the memory, and I had to force my eyes to stay open. Dammit.

I was a few minutes early by the time I pulled up in the lane, so I got out and leaned against the car, smoking a cigarette. I hoped it would help calm the ridiculous tightness in my stomach, but it didn't seem to be having any effect. I couldn't see Emmett's Jeep parked anywhere nearby, but I didn't know what Paul or Garrett drove, so couldn't tell if I was the first to arrive. I decided I'd rather wait in the shop. With any luck I could get most of my fitting done first, and get the hell out of there.

I pushed the door open and an old-fashioned bell jangled loudly in the empty space. It looked like more of a workroom than a shop. There were no displays or decorations, just racks of suits hanging along one wall, each wrapped in a thin plastic cover. There was a long wooden counter, bare apart from neatly arranged scissors and boxes of threads and buttons, and a large brass bell set into one end. I was about to ring it when a door at the back opened and a man walked out to greet me.

He was, if possible, the complete opposite of anyone you could possibly expect to be working in a tiny country tailor shop. The man belonged in some achingly hip London boutique, cutting suits to fit A-list celebrities and minor royalty. Now I understood why Rosalie had insisted on the place.

I had been expecting a little old man, grey or balding, a tape measure dangling from his neck, wire-rimmed glasses and a worn tweed jacket. What I got was well over six feet of dark skin and thick muscles, dreadlocks hanging to broad shoulders, and the sharpest suit I had ever seen, worn over a brilliantly coloured shirt, open at the neck. He seemed to glide across the floor until he was standing in front of me with his hand stretched out to shake mine.

"I am Laurent," he said, he voice purring with a hint of a French accent. "You must be Mr. Cullen?"

I blinked a few times before putting my pale hand into his dark one.

"Yes, er, how did you know?" I stuttered.

He smiled mischievously, flashing white teeth, his eyes sparkling.

"I made you a suit, of course," he laughed, bringing his other hand up to clasp mine firmly. "I know _all_ the measurements of Miss Hale's wedding party, so when I saw you, I knew which suit you would fit."

He eyes were raking up and down me as if I was something to eat. I didn't need an interpreter to work out that he was not paying too much attention to what I was wearing, so much as what I might look like without any clothes on at all.

The bell rang out again and the small space was suddenly very crowded as Emmett, Jasper and Carlisle piled in to the shop, closely followed by Paul and Garrett, several people talking at once. As Jasper turned to me I had one of those strange time warp moments, when sound mutes and everything seems to stand still. I was uncomfortably aware of my hand held firmly between Laurent's; I had looked up when the bell rang but Laurent's eyes were still fixed on me; his touch was so casual yet it felt inappropriately intimate. Jasper was smirking at me, enjoying my discomfort of course. And then the moment passed, my hand was dropped, and Laurent was greeting all his customers with enthusiasm.

I shook hands with Paul and Garrett, and then Carlisle. I nodded at Jasper, cursing myself for feeling so awkward. He tilted his head to one side, his eyes asking the question. When I didn't react, he thrust his hand towards me.

"Hi, Edward," he said deliberately.

I reluctantly put my hand out and he mimicked Laurent, grabbing my hand in both of his and pulling me slightly towards him.

"Jasper," I replied, trying to keep the warning in my voice from being too obvious.

Ironically, I was rescued by Laurent, who had just worked out who Jasper was and practically pounced on him.

"I've heard so much about you from your sister," he enthused. "And now here you are in the flesh, even more delightful than I imagined."

I was grateful to have the attention taken away from me, and Jasper let himself be dragged off, grinning back at me over his shoulder as Laurent proceeded to pluck various suits from the racks. He handed two to Paul and Garrett and hustled them through the back door to change, before turning back to Jasper.

I stood awkwardly with Carlisle and Emmett, half making stilted small talk, half watching as Laurent pulled jacket after jacket off the racks, holding them up against Jasper, taking every opportunity to smooth the fabric over his arm or chest. Jasper was flirting back. I have no idea if he was really interested in the clothes, but you would have thought it was his life's passion. His face was lit up with enjoyment as they laughed and chatted together.

I couldn't tell if Jasper was deliberately playing up for my benefit or if he was like this all the time. It just reinforced to me that I didn't know him at all. He had his hands in Laurent's hair, asking fascinated questions about the dreads. There were more little touches and knowing looks, like they were sharing some private jokes known only to gay men the world over.

I hated it.

I forced myself to concentrate on what Emmett was saying, until Paul and Garrett emerged. Once again I was taken by surprise. I had assumed that Rosalie was going to put us through the full horror of morning suits, but the reality was a simple, dark blue classic suit, perfectly tailored to fit. Even though Paul and Garrett were totally different shapes, the suit seemed to look identical on them, accentuating Paul's broad solidity and Garrett's slim ranginess at the same time.

Jasper and Carlisle disappeared into the changing room next. Laurent switched his attention to Paul and Garrett, fussing over the suits, tugging them into position, muttering about hang and fit. Every time I looked at Emmett he grinned at me, as if he was having trouble containing everything he wanted to say to me, which he probably was. I stopped looking at him. Instead I looked solidly at the floor until the back door opened and Jasper and Carlisle re-appeared.

I felt like all the air had left the room. Jasper looked stunning. The blue suit which had looked great on Paul and Garrett looked utterly amazing on him. I was aware of Laurent clapping in delight, making Jasper turn around to show off his creation. He had given Jasper a heavy white shirt, with longer cuffs than the others, which he shot through the sleeves over the backs of his hands. Carlisle was smiling indulgently at his son, who was not surprisingly enjoying the attention.

He turned to me with an eyebrow raised, holding his hands out to show me. He was asking me what I thought. What I thought, was that I wanted to rip the damn suit off him. What I thought, was that I wanted to fuck him while he was still wearing it. What I thought, was that it was too bloody hot in here.

I grabbed the suit I had been given and stepped around Carlisle to go put it on. The back room was thankfully cool, and I leaned against the wall for a moment to recover. This was exactly why I didn't want Jasper to move back to England. Out of our bubble, I didn't know how to behave. The door opened behind me and Emmett came in, already wrestling his suit out of its plastic cover.

"Looking a bit hot under the collar there, Eddie," he snorted, no longer able to hold back.

"Fuck off, Emmett," I sighed, knowing that he wouldn't take any notice.

"Your boy getting you all riled up in his fancy suit?"

I rolled my eyes at him and started stripping off my clothes, just wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible.

Emmett took his shirt off and then held it up in front of himself, like he was trying to hide.

"You're not gonna get all frisky with me, are ya?" he teased.

"I'm fairly convinced I can resist your charms," I muttered sarcastically, determined not to rise to it. I turned my back to him and slipped on a shirt that looked extremely similar to the one Jasper had been modelling.

Emmett just couldn't stop.

"You'll make such a lovely couple in your matching suits," he snickered. "Maybe you could go get your hair and nails done together too?"

That was just a step too far.

"For fuck's sake Emmett," I spat. "You _know_ me. Do you honestly think I've suddenly turned into a total fag like those two pansies out there?"

"Jeez, Edward, chill out," he said, sounding startled at the strength of my reaction. "I mean, I kinda know what's been going on between you two."

"Yes well, don't read too much into it," I snapped. "It's just a one-time thing, OK? It's not who I am."

There was a quiet, choking sound behind me and I turned instinctively. Jasper was standing in the doorway, holding out a tie towards Emmett.

"Fuck," I muttered.

I was such a fucking idiot. Jasper looked... disappointed. He spoke to Emmett, but didn't take his eyes off me.

"You left your tie out here, Em," he said.

Emmett reached out to take the tie from him, looking back and forth between the two of us.

"Jasper..." I started, but he shook his head.

"It's OK, Edward, I understand," he said, and turned abruptly, closing the door behind him.

I felt sick. I couldn't deal with this.

We finished dressing in silence, and Emmett left the room, but I couldn't face going out there just yet. I sat on a hard wooden chair, listening to the muted conversations through the door, but I couldn't pick out Jasper's voice. Eventually I heard the shop bell ring out again and quiet followed. I still didn't move, holding my head in my hands.

The door opened and I looked up, hoping he'd come back, hoping he'd give me yet another chance. But it was Laurent, standing in the doorway, looking at me with his appraising eyes.

"I need to check your suit," he said, calmly.

I pulled myself upright and let him adjust how the jacket sat on my shoulders until he was satisfied.

"It looks good," he said. "You can wear it home like the others, let me know if if feels comfortable. I can alter it tomorrow if you need anything."

I nodded and gathered up my clothes, fishing my keys out of my jeans pocket.

"His sister will be very upset with you," he commented, as I walked into the front of the shop.

"Yes, well, it won't be the first time," I sighed.

I drove home to my empty house, and ordered pizza.

**

* * *

A/N**

**My Dirty Talking Jasper story 'Home' is now up on my profile so if you haven't already, please go take a look while you wait for the next update!**

**I an ridiculously excited to have been asked to participate in The Slashtastics round-robin effort "The Big Gay Story". If you haven't read it yet, go take a look here: http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6652289/1/ . It's fabulous fun and I'm hoping that my chapter (15) will live up to the standard being set by the awesome slash authors taking part.**

**In the meantime, y'all will be wanting to leave me a review, yes? Here are your options:**

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**"Yes Edward, you are a fucking idiot."**

**I'll shut up now.**


	13. Maybe we're better off this way?

**Sorry for the long wait, I promise the next chapter is nearly finished and should be with you soon. Thanks as always to everyone who has reviewed, I love reading everything you write. If I haven't replied I do apologise, I will try to get to you soon.**

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**Never ending thanks and inappropriate groping to Hoochiemomma and EvilGiraffe82 for their patience and hard work in editing and improving my words. If you aren't already reading their awesome stories, you should be:**

**Charming Beauty Bright by EvilGiraffe82 (slash)**

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**http:/www . Fanfiction . net/s/6367276/1/Falling_Empire_of_a_Heart **

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**SM owns, I just confuse them.**

* * *

Friday morning

JPOV

When I walked past the same street sign for the third time, I decided that it was probably time to go back to Rosie's, rather than continue in circles indefinitely. Officially, I had gone out to buy a newspaper, but ten minutes in the fresh air hadn't been enough, so I had wandered as far as I dared, hoping I could still find my way back.

The strength of my reaction to Edward's words had shocked me. My dreams of him as I'd slept on the sofa had been a hideous mixture of wild sexual fantasies corrupted by his denial of any feelings at all for me, his offensive words whispered right into my ear. I don't know what I had expected really. I had already contemplated giving up my life in New York and moving back to the UK just for the chance of seeing if something could work between us. I already knew he didn't want that. I had deliberately wound him up, flirting with Laurent, just to see what he would do. So why was I so hurt by his words? Why couldn't I just laugh and carry on where we left off?

I was lost in my thoughts as my feet took me back to the house. I had to ring the bell, having given up the spare key to my parents. I was startled to see Bella open the door; we blinked at each other for a few awkward moments.

"What are you doing here?" I blurted out.

She raised her eyebrows at me.

"Didn't feel much like going home," she said, pointedly. _Oh, yes. Crap._

She wandered away from the door, leaving it open for me to follow. I briefly considered turning around and walking some more, but Rosie appeared and yanked me inside.

"Why is Bella here?" I whispered.

"Because, idiot, we have my damn pre-wedding dinner tonight," she snapped. "Which she is helping me to organise. She would have been here today anyway."

"You could have warned me," I complained.

"You could have kept it in your pants," she hissed.

Rosie was getting a little stressed about the next day, so I couldn't really get too upset with her. I made for the stairs, hoping to hide in the spare room for as much of the day as humanly possible. However, Rosie wasn't done with me and grabbed hold of me again, pulling me towards the kitchen.

"For God's sake, Rosie, you don't have to manhandle me everywhere," I protested.

She looked distinctly unimpressed and didn't let go. She shoved me into the kitchen where Bella was standing, holding a mug of coffee.

"Right," Rose announced. "I am getting married tomorrow. It is going to be fucking perfect. You will both be there and you will absolutely convince me that it is also the best day of _your_ lives so far, because if I get even the tiniest hint that it isn't, you will wish you had never been born. So sort it out, now, because I do NOT want to think about it any more."

She slammed the door behind her and left us to it. Bella fidgeted with her coffee mug.

"Smoke?" she asked after a moment, moving towards the back door.

I nodded at her retreating back and followed her out. We lit cigarettes and stood in silence for a few minutes, neither of us sure where to start.

I just needed to survive the next two days and I would be on a plane out of here. I could make nice for Rosie.

"So, I guess I owe you an apology," I began.

"I seriously hope you are not apologising for the sex," said Bella, taking me by surprise.

"Well, yes; for the sex, for Edward, for not telling you..." I trailed off.

"Not telling me about Edward was pretty damn shitty," she agreed. "But it was my choice to sleep with you, so you don't get to apologise for that."

"Maybe," I said, not entirely convinced. "I'm just sorry I messed things up for you guys, it was monumentally selfish. You might have made a different decision if you'd known all the facts."

"I might have," she conceded, but then she smiled, chewing her lower lip. "But I might not have."

"Really?" I asked, somewhat sceptical.

"Jasper, what happened between us was..." she paused, evidently struggling to find the words. "That's never happened to me before. I didn't know it was even possible. I'm standing here right now and, you kind of dazzle me, you know?"

She must have seen me tense up, because honestly I didn't think I could cope with any more complications.

"Don't look so scared," she laughed, "I'm not going to jump on you this time - we both know that would be a disaster. It's just – you've made me see some possibilities that I hadn't considered before, and I can't regret that. I don't have a problem for the next few days if you don't."

"Good," I said, relieved. "I just want to make sure Rosie gets her perfect wedding, you know? Try to be a bit less selfish in the time I have left."

"Great," she said. "But then we also need to sort out Edward."

My eyes closed involuntarily. If I'd made a mistake with Bella, it was nothing to the complete train wreck I'd set off with Edward.

I should have left when he told me he didn't want me to come to England for him.

I shouldn't have let him tempt me into a few days of pleasure. I really shouldn't have let him persuade me to do the things I did.

Maybe I had hoped that it might have changed his mind. Maybe I had fallen a lot harder than I had realised. Maybe I hadn't quite accepted that he didn't want more from me.

I shook myself back into the present.

"I don't think it will be an issue," I told her.

"Really?" she asked.

"I don't think he'll come," I admitted. "He was already talking about not showing up last time I saw him."

"Well, screw that," she retorted. "There's no way he is ducking out of this one. I'll escort him there personally if I have to. If _we_ have to put on our happy faces, then _he_ bloody well has to as well."

"You may have your work cut out to persuade him," I sighed, "I had to practically drag him to the suit fitting. Which, in hindsight, was maybe not such a great idea."

"Rosalie told me what happened yesterday," Bella said, quietly. "What Edward said to Emmett."

I forced a resigned smile onto my face.

"Yes, well, it probably shouldn't have been a surprise, but, I don't know. I've basically pushed him into this situation, and I kind of thought he'd accepted it. I guess I was just kidding myself. He made it quite clear that whatever was going on was just for now, just while I was here, but it just hurt a hell of a lot more than I thought it would."

I stopped, realising I was rambling.

"Sorry, Bella," I said. "You probably don't want to know any of this shit."

"It's okay, Jasper, I'm glad you can talk to me," she said. "You know, Edward's a pretty amazing person. He can be a fucking idiot sometimes, but generally, he's amazing. And he's my best friend. He's the only person who has ever really got me. He always knew how to give me what I needed without asking for more than I could give. He never pushed me, or challenged me."

She looked at me, and gave a bittersweet smile before continuing.

"As it turns out, I think I _need_ to be challenged. I need to be pushed outside my comfort zone. But I'm damned if I'm going to lose my best friend in the process. And I'm definitely not going to let him run away from this situation just because he's feeling confused. And I'm sure as hell not going to let him get away with not coming to this damn wedding."

"Jeez, and I thought my sister was scary," I said in mock horror.

She grinned back at me.

"Come on, Jasper," she said, holding out her hand and leading me back into the kitchen. "Let's go sort out your beautiful scary sister and then I'll go home and punch Edward in the head until he submits."

* * *

EPOV

I could smell Jasper's hair in my face when I woke up. I pressed my face closer in, before I remembered that he wasn't here. I was wrapped around the pillow that he had slept on the night before. I had fallen asleep in my clothes on the sofa, still unwilling to sleep in my own bed, and now the bed in the spare room held strong memories too.

I'd woken up at around three in the morning, unable to get comfortable again, and had decided to indulge my self-pity. I had stripped naked and crawled under the duvet on the spare bed, wrapping it around me and letting Jasper's scent envelop me. I deliberately recalled the feeling of being intertwined in his arms and legs as we had drifted towards sleep. I had tucked my head into his neck as his fingertips traced firm patterns up and down my back. I had never been so relaxed before in my life.

And now I was clutching his pillow like an idiot because I couldn't deal with how I felt about him. I had sat watching TV and drinking beer all evening, hoping he would turn up on my doorstep again, demanding an explanation, or just yelling at me for being so fucking rude. That was what he usually did. He just showed up, uninvited, and pushed his way into my space until the bubble closed around us again. But not this time, apparently.

I nearly called him about twenty times. I had his number in my phone and my thumb poised over the call button for half the night, but honestly I had no idea what I would say to him. I wanted him to come over and shout at me, but he didn't. I had completely fucked it up. All I had to offer him was a few days together, and now I couldn't even give him that.

I stared at the ceiling and considered my options. I certainly wasn't going to the fucking wedding. Bella would be back and would be staying here tonight. Maybe I should go out of town for a few days. That sounded like a good plan. I could take off this afternoon, maybe go down to London, call in on some old friends. Or just book into a random hotel and watch overpriced Scandinavian porn in my room. By the time I came back, Rosalie and Emmett would be off on their honeymoon, so I could avoid the fall-out for a while, and I could concentrate on working out how the hell I was supposed to disentangle my life from Bella's.

Jasper would be gone by Sunday night; I would never have to see him again.

A painful lump rose up in my throat and I sat up abruptly, hurling the pillow across the room. I threw off the duvet and stomped into my bedroom to pull together some clothes to take with me.

I heard a key in the front door and felt that spike of anxiety you get when you know what's coming is not going to be fun. I stopped packing and started getting dressed instead. I could hear Bella checking the rooms downstairs before heading up towards me. She threw the door open and took in the scene in front of her – me in my jeans and nothing else, a half packed case and a perfectly made bed.

"What the fuck are you doing?" she exclaimed.

I threw another tee in the case and started looking for a hairbrush. _I'm pretty sure I own at least one, somewhere._

"Hey Bella," I replied, trying to keep my voice light. "How's your mum?"

"Edward, why are you packing?" she persisted.

"Same you reason you did," I said. "Going to get away for a bit."

"No, you bloody well are not," she snapped, marching across the room and starting to take stuff out of my case.

I sat down on the bed, not even bothering to fight. It didn't matter how angry I got, there was no point when she had her mind made up. I would just wait for her to get through it and then start packing again when she left.

"You are coming to this stupid dinner tonight and you are coming to the damn wedding tomorrow and then you can run anywhere you like, but not before."

"Why?" I retorted. "Really, I can't imagine why Rosalie would even want me there."

"Oh, stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourself," she growled. "This isn't about you. This is about Rose and Em and making their wedding perfect. You're on her damn seating plan and she isn't going to change it just because it's uncomfortable for you."

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to keep a handle on my temper. I didn't really give a fuck about Rosalie's perfect wedding at this point. Bella turned to shove my underwear back in a drawer, and found herself looking at the suit, hung on the back of the door in its thin plastic sleeve. She slipped her hand under the cover to run her fingers over the fabric.

"And anyway," she added, more softly. "_I _want you there."

"You do?" I asked, surprised, her words completely derailing my self-pity. I couldn't understand why anyone would want to be around me at all after the last few days.

Bella let the suit drop and came to sit next to me on the bed.

"I know this is all messed up," she said, "but please don't run away from me. We've always been there for each other. This will all be over in a couple of days, and we'll still have to deal with it. I'd rather start now, together."

I rubbed my face, trying to come up with a good excuse to avoid all this. But we both knew there wasn't one.

"Do I really have to go to the dinner tonight?" I whined, resigned now.

"Yes, you do," she said, brightly. "Apart from anything else, you have some apologising to do. Rosalie might want you there but she also would like to see her brother happy again before she leaves. And for some bizarre reason, he appears to be in love with you, so you need to make up for your idiocy."

"Oh, for God's sake, Bella," I snorted. "That's slightly melodramatic, don't you think? He's not in love with me! And even if he was, it wouldn't make any difference."

"What, because this is just a one time thing?" she countered. "Because it's not who you are?"

I winced.

"Oh. You heard about that, then," I said.

"We're talking about Emmett here," she reminded me. "_Everyone_ heard about it."

I groaned, trying not to imagine the conversations.

"Have you been over there?" I asked. "Did you see Jasper?"

"Yes, I saw Jasper," she said. "We talked."

"Does he hate me?" I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the answer.

"No, Edward, he doesn't hate you," she said. "He's pretty fucking upset, which I can't blame him for after your frankly offensive outburst. But he's more angry with himself, for believing you felt something for him too."

She paused. I knew I was supposed to say something here. Admit my feelings, whatever. But it wasn't that easy. I didn't know what my feelings were. I rubbed my face again and stared at my feet.

"You don't have to tell me," she said. "Hell, you don't have to tell anyone, but you should apologise for what you said, if nothing else."

"I know, I will," I agreed. "It was stupid, and horrible."

I took a breath, trying to come up with words that could explain it.

"When I'm alone with him, it's like everything feels exactly right," I told her. "It feels so right it scares the shit out of me. But then we go out and I don't know him; I'm not even sure I want to know him. I'm not a bigot - I just never expected to feel like this, and he was all over that Laurent guy and I knew he was just trying to wind me up, but... it'll all just be a lot simpler when he leaves."

"And you can forget this ever happened," she finished for me.

"Yeah, something like that," I said, weakly.

She picked a shirt out of my nearly empty case and threw it at me.

"Come on," she said, standing up. "I'll buy you lunch. And then I'm going to torture you by making you go shoe shopping with me."

"You hate shoe shopping," I said, confused.

"Exactly," she replied. "That's why it's called torture."

_

* * *

_

_OK, I can get through this night. How bad can it be? _

The dinner was being held at an odd little place in town. I have no idea how Rosalie found it; I'd been living there nearly a decade and had never heard of it, but I'd definitely be coming back again. During the day, it was basically a kebab shop, with a worn counter, some ancient drinks vending machines humming loudly in the corner and barely any room to stand. In the evenings, however, they opened up the back room to serve a limited menu of Thai food. The space probably barely seated twenty people under normal circumstances. Tonight, they had pushed all the tiny plastic tables together in the middle of the room to make a large square, so it was extremely cramped to get fourteen of us in.

Bella kept her arm firmly wrapped around my waist as we squeezed through the narrow doorway. I kept my eyes down, knowing that the second I looked up I would see him. I knew I had to see him, but maybe not just yet. There really wasn't enough space for standing around chatting, so people were taking their seats straight away. Thankfully Rosalie had taken her organising to the extreme and set place names out for everyone, so there was no awkward stumbling about trying to decide where to sit. I reluctantly let go of Bella and folded myself into a small wooden chair between a tall blonde woman who I didn't recognise and a young girl, maybe in her mid teens. I read the name labels - Tanya and Jane. Bella had given me a full run down of the guest list, so I knew they were both bridesmaids - the blonde an old school friend of Rosalie's, the girl being Emmett's baby sister. It was going to be a long evening.

I eventually couldn't justify staring at my empty plate any more, and looked up across the wide table to find myself directly facing Jasper. My stomach lurched, pain shooting up towards my chest like a spike of acid. I'd been feeling achy and sick all day and now I appeared to be shaking too. I had a vivid mental image of myself crawling across the table and throwing myself in his lap. I gripped the edge of the table to keep myself in my seat, loathing myself for reacting so strongly to just the sight of him.

He was deep in conversation with an older lady, presumably Emmett's mum, who he already had giggling like a schoolgirl. On the other side of him was the third bridesmaid - Serena? Irina? Something like that. Thin, dark and looking not entirely displeased to be stuck between Jasper and Carlisle. I forced myself to look away, and found I could breathe again.

Tanya was being monopolised by Emmett's dad, who appeared to having difficulty staying in his seat in his enthusiasm to get closer to her. Dishes of starters started appearing on the table, delivered by a stream of efficient waiters. I turned to Jane to find her staring at me with startling wide eyes. She looked like the ultimate teen nightmare, jet black hair, pale skin accentuated with way too much black eyeliner. She couldn't have been more different to Emmett if she tried, and it occurred to me that that was probably the effect she was going for.

"You're Edward," she said, in a clear, high voice.

"And you're Jane," I replied.

"You're Bella's boyfriend, right?" she asked.

Oh great. Let's start the evening with evasive lying to a minor.

"And you're Emmett's sister," I said, avoiding the question.

"Are you going to marry her?" she asked.

I coughed involuntarily.

"We don't have any plans to get married," I replied. "Why?"

"I hate weddings," she said, stabbing at some prawn toast with a chopstick. "Stupid, anachronistic, antiquated ritual waste of time and money."

I was starting to like her.

"But you get to wear a pretty dress?" I teased.

The look she gave me could have melted steel.

"I even have to take out my earrings," she complained, running her finger along a row of hoops in her left ear.

"Well, to be completely honest," I said quietly, leaning towards her conspiratorially. "I have absolutely no desire to be here whatsoever, so how about we just eat the free food and mock the rest of the sad bastards who think this is all a great idea?"

She smiled cautiously, her face looking almost pretty without what was undoubtedly a habitual scowl.

"Why don't you want to be here?" she asked, suspiciously.

"It's complicated," I hedged, taking a large gulp from my wine glass.

"At least you get to drink," she grumbled.

"How old are you?" I asked.

"Seventeen," she said pointedly, gesturing at a glass of what I assumed was lemonade.

The restaurant didn't have a drinks licence, but charged next to nothing for corkage, so Emmett and Jane's parents were supplying the booze. I looked over at her dad, who was trying to simultaneously stuff his face with satay chicken, drink as much champagne as possible, charm the pants off Tanya, and avoid Rosalie's disapproving stare. I grabbed the nearest wine bottle and poured a glass for Jane.

"Just one," I said sternly.

_Add corrupting minors to the list of my sins. _ I drained my glass and refilled it. She was right, I could always just get drunk.

The rest of the meal was actually not so bad. Jane was quite sweet when she let her guard down a bit, and the wine made her giggly. We talked about music and she told me about school, giving me some excellent dirt on Emmett which I stored up for future use. Tanya turned out to be good value too, clinging on to me melodramatically when Mr. McCarty briefly left the table, begging me to rescue her. It didn't go on for too long either, Rosalie insisting that we all needed to be fresh for the big day tomorrow. Carlisle said a few polite words of thanks to the group and the last toast was finished around ten.

As chairs started scraping back and people squeezed around the table to get out, I realised that this was the moment. I had tried really hard not to look at Jasper all through the meal, but he had caught me once or twice, his expression blank before he turned back to his conversation. I really hadn't eaten much, and despite my intentions, hadn't got drunk either, the wine making my already churning stomach twist harder.

I shook hands with a few people as we stood outside, saying goodbye to the bridesmaids with air kisses, giving Jane a hug, until I couldn't put it off any longer. Jasper was standing off to one side, his hands stuffed in his jacket pockets, waiting for everyone to be ready to leave. I walked over to him, instinctively shoving my own hands in my pockets as I faced him. He didn't speak, his face still blank.

"I'm sorry," I said, quietly, studying my shoes. "About the stuff I said. It was really stupid."

"Yeah, it was," he replied, flatly.

I looked up at him, not knowing where to take it from there.

"Look, I'm not saying it's okay," he went on, shrugging. "But I really do understand. It's a big deal. And it's not simple. But when you said that stuff, it just made me realise I'd been unrealistic. I thought I could do what you wanted, just mess around for a few days, but it turns out I can't."

"Can't?" I asked. "Or won't?"

I had no idea what that even meant. He smiled a little, looking defeated.

"Edward, I'm standing here right next to you and all I want to do is kiss you," he said. "I want to hold your head and kiss you until I can't breathe. I don't give a shit who's watching or what people think. But I know that's not what you want, and I can't do all the other stuff behind closed doors and feel all the things I'm feeling, and then not do this. Can't _and_ won't. I'm sorry too."

We stood in silence for a moment. I had no words. I was acutely aware of who was still present outside the diner, where they were, what they were doing. Bella, standing in the shadows, talking quietly to Paul and Irina. Mrs McCarty, dragging her husband and daughter towards one of the waiting taxis. Emmett and Garrett waiting for Jasper to walk back to the house with them. The rest of the party had already gone, headed to the hotel to prepare for the next day.

He turned to walk away, and my arm moved without any conscious instruction from my brain. I reached out and grabbed his wrist. My body seemed to know, even if I didn't, that the sickly cramp inside me would only ease up if I was touching him. I knew people would see. I knew Emmett would make comments. I knew Bella would give me a hard time, and tell me to make up my fucking mind. I knew it would make things even more complicated. But I didn't seem to be able to stop myself leaning in to touch my lips to his. It was only for a moment, but the soft feel of his mouth against mine erased the ache I had felt all day.

I stepped back and released him, not sure what I had done, if I had changed anything.

I glanced over at the waiting taxis, and caught a glimpse of Jane, staring out of a car window at us, her mouth slightly open in shock. When she realised I was looking at her, her expression morphed into a knowing smile, and she had just enough time to give me a quick thumbs-up before the car pulled away.

I looked back at Jasper, who was shaking his head slightly.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said, and he walked away to catch up with Emmett and Garrett. I watched him go, not quite believing that was it, he wasn't going to do or say anything else. He turned back towards me as he reached the guys, and his face twisted into a faint hint of his trademark smirk. I never thought I'd be so pleased to see it.

**

* * *

A/N**

**So we're nearly there guys, two more chapters to go. In the mean time, I have an entry in the Eurofornication contest, check out all the lovely, slashy, smutty entries here: http:/www . fanfiction . net/u/2757436/ **

**It's also nearly my turn to write for the Big Gay Story. If you haven't read it yet, make sure you're all caught up before Chapter 15 gets posted – it's all great stuff so far. http:/www . fanfiction . net/s/6652289/1/ **

**And as always, please review! We could even get to 1000 this time round – if we do, the squealing may be audible all around the world. For those of you who need a little assistance in this department, here are your c&p options:**

"**OMG I think I might love Bella a little bit shock"**

**or**

"**Please Edward crawl across the table and throw yourself in Jasper's lap."**

**Yeah, I don't think you're gonna use the first one either.**

**I'll shut up now.**


	14. Got my heart in a headlock

**How very strange, a super quick update from me. Thanks as always to everyone who has reviewed, I love reading everything you write, but haven't had a second to reply. I was over the moon to get to 1000 reviews, I really will try to reply as soon as I can.**

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**Never ending thanks and outrageous public displays of affection to Hoochiemomma and EvilGiraffe82 for their patience and hard work in editing and improving my words. I flove you mad sluts.**

**In the original plan, this was going to be the last chapter. But hey, a lot has changed since I wrote the original plan, and I have taken pity on all y'all, so there will be one more chapter/epilogue after this, plus outtakes.**

**SM owns.**

* * *

JPOV

I don't know much about how traditional English weddings are supposed to go - most of the weddings I've been to have been either Las Vegas style or All-American ostentation. But I'm pretty sure this was as near to perfect as you could get. The sun shone, the bride looked beyond stunning, the groom choked over his vows, the bride's mother cried and the photographs seemed to take forever. There were beautiful flowers and fancy cake, cute little kids running around in miniature formal clothes, champagne, balloons, favours, confetti. The best man made almost inappropriate remarks, the bridesmaids blushed... hell, even Jane managed to look marginally less sulky than usual.

I didn't get a chance to talk to Edward before the ceremony. I didn't think he was avoiding me, any more than I was avoiding him, it was all just on the verge of chaos and there were no opportunities. I was running around after Garrett, who was running around after Emmett, trying to keep the big guy some kind of together. Edward was charming the old ladies and entertaining the little kids. I'd seen him arrive with Bella before the ceremony and I think I stood and gawked from across the room for a full minute.

Laurent was a fucking genius. Edward just looked edible in that suit, it made all the already gorgeous parts of him even more irresistible. Bella was tucked under his arm, wearing some kind of slinky, glittery number, her slight figure accentuating his broad shoulders and long legs.

I'd been thinking about him all night, ever since he took me by surprise with that kiss. He changed his mind so much it was giving me whiplash. It would have been so easy to just go to him, take it on his terms, but I had figured it would be better for both of us in the long run if I stayed away. I was still reeling from the things he had said, and from how strongly I had reacted. In another life I would have just laughed it off, and then gone home with him anyway. I couldn't understand how I had got in so deep, so fast.

Emmett and Garrett had tried all night to get me to talk about it, but for once I kept my mouth shut. Edward had to live with these people after I left, and it was up to him how much he wanted them to know. It was all pretty much irrelevant now anyway. I would be on a plane this time tomorrow and I'd just have to get over it. But now, seeing him again, all I wanted to do was catch his eye, see him smile at me, get a chance to talk to him before the day was over. I was so pathetic.

For the formal wedding breakfast I sat at the top table with the family. I never understood the tradition of calling it breakfast, when it was so obviously lunch. I could see Edward from where I was seated, chatting and laughing with some of the people I had met at that curry night the week before. I still couldn't catch his eye. When the food and speeches were finally over, the guests were invited to wait in the garden or bar while the reception room was re-arranged for the evening party. Some of the guests had rooms booked in the hotel, including me, so a few opted to go freshen up or take a nap. Or whatever people do with a couple of free hours and a hotel room. I decided I preferred the fresh air, so I nabbed a bottle of beer and went outside. There was no sign of Edward or Bella, so I guessed they had gone to the room they were sharing. Maybe he _was_ avoiding me.

I caught up with a few family members and finally started to relax. The formal stuff was over, the party was about to start, and I was going home tomorrow. Maybe it would be easier if I didn't get to talk to Edward tonight. What was I going to say anyway? _Despite everything, I think I've fallen in love with you? Please change your mind and beg me to __stay?_ No. I don't think so.

People started to drift off in to small groups and much as I liked them, I didn't feel like making small talk with Rosie's friends right now. I found a seat in a secluded area of the garden and sipped at my beer, enjoying the late afternoon sun. I should have scrounged a cigarette off someone, but was now too comfortable to bother going to get one.

I heard Bella before I saw her, grumbling under her breath about the impossibility of trying to walk on grass in stilettos. She rounded a small group of trees and saw me, and started directing her complaints towards me as she wobbled over, her heels sinking in the soft ground.

"What the hell are you doing all the way out here?" she demanded. "I've been looking for you all over, which in these shoes is almost as painful as the process of buying them in the first place."

"I wanted some peace and quiet before the party," I replied, truthfully.

"Are you avoiding Edward?" she asked, plonking herself down beside me on the bench.

"Not particularly," I said. "Neither of you were around after the meal, I assumed you were taking a rest in your room. Is he avoiding me?"

"No. Well, maybe a little," she sighed. "Hell, I don't know. I don't think he even knows what he wants."

"He was pretty clear what he didn't want," I remarked. "Even before the _incident_ at the suit shop, he was adamant that he didn't want me to overstay my welcome. Frankly the only thing left open for discussion is whether we're going to fuck again before I go, and I decided, for once, to keep it in my pants, as Rosalie would say."

Bella looked at me, slightly shocked, and then started to laugh.

"See, that's what I like about you, Jasper," she said. "You're just as blunt as I am."

I raised my bottle to her and took a swig.

"Have you got any cigarettes on you?" I asked.

She produced a pack from her tiny clutch and we both lit up and smoked in silence for a while, leaning forward with elbows on our knees.

""You really like him, don't you?" she commented. "I mean, if it was still just a casual hook-up you wouldn't care, you'd just do it anyway."

I looked at her sideways, daring her to go on.

"He just needs more time," she said. "This has all been a huge shock to him and he's freaking out."

"Time is the one thing I don't have," I reminded her.

"You ever heard of the telephone?" she snorted. "Email? Instant messaging?"

"You want us to have a long distance relationship based on what happened here?" I asked.

"I want you to get to know each other," she said, exasperated. "Be friends. You already know you're compatible in other ways, why not see if you actually like each other too? And give him time to get used to a new situation."

"You mean, to see if being gay was just a phase?" I pouted.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that," she said, sternly. "He really likes you too, Jasper. Give him a chance."

I leaned back on the bench and looked at her.

"Why do you care anyway?" I asked. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because I love him," she said. "Because I think he could be really happy with you. He's my best friend, remember? Please don't push him away. He tried really hard last night; it wasn't easy for him to do that in front of everyone."

"I know. I just... it all seems kind of pointless," I replied. "And I'm going to find it even harder to get over it if I let him get close again."

"Just talk to him? Please?" she begged.

"Sure", I agreed. "I'll talk to him."

We paused again, finishing up our cigarettes and pinching out the tips. I looked at my watch.

"Come on, we should get back, the party's about to start," I said, getting to my feet.

"Great, I get to waddle across the grass in these stupid shoes again," she whined.

"Now that is something I can help you with," I laughed, sweeping her up into my arms and walking back towards the hotel.

"Put me down!" she protested half-heartedly, struggling weakly against my grip.

"Bella, it's either like this or over my shoulder," I warned.

She gave up and relaxed, giggling all the way until we reached the terrace where I set her down gently on her feet.

* * *

The number of guests more than doubled for the evening reception, and I got caught up for hours with various cousins and family friends, all of them wanting to make the most of my last night before I disappeared out of their lives again. I tried to be friendly, but ended up repeating the same conversation over and over as the evening went on. I was constantly aware of where Edward was in the room. He seemed relaxed, spending most of his time with his friends, drinking, talking, apparently avoiding the dance floor. I got roped into embarrassing disco moves by various people, but thankfully more food was brought out and I could escape and finally try to get Edward's attention.

I waited until he had collected a plate, and went over to stand next to him. Rosie had dismissed the idea of a traditional finger food buffet and arranged for a spread of bacon and sausage sandwiches to be served up. I asked him to pass the ketchup. He looked at me and laughed, shaking his head, and handed over the bottle.

We found a couple of seats in a quieter area and settled down to eat. It was kind of awkward, but we got through it somehow. He kept on apologising until I had to tell him to shut the fuck up. It was really hard work to be sitting so close to him and not touch him. Our knees accidentally brushed together at one point and we both jerked back as if we'd been electrocuted. I focused on staying still, trying not to stare at his lips when he talked, because that just made other parts of me react, which wasn't helping.

We talked about everything except the things we needed to say.

It became clear that Bella had given him pretty much the same talk as she had me, as he asked if we could stay in touch, but that was the only time the future was mentioned. We stayed in our corner, watching the party pass us by, unwilling to be moved apart. A few people came to talk to us, and we took it in turns to fetch drinks from the bar, but for the most part we sat quietly, hands side by side on the arms of the chairs. It was perfectly comfortable, and incredibly disquieting at the same time.

As the night started drawing to a close, the music got slower, as it always does, and couples drifted on to the dance floor, turning in lazy circles with their arms around each other's necks. I saw Bella standing over by the bar, swaying in time to the music, watching people moving slowly across the room. I leaned over to nudge Edward and nodded in her direction so he would see her.

"Are you going to dance with her?" I asked.

He looked at me, and then at her, and then back at me again.

"You want to dance with me, don't you?" he asked. My heart leapt a little, but I forced myself to stay calm.

"It's okay, Edward," I replied, shaking my head. "I don't expect you to."

"But you want to, right?" he persisted.

"Yes, of course I do," I admitted. "But please, don't make yourself..."

He cut me off by grabbing my hand and pulling me to my feet, walking quickly towards the double doors that led out on to the terrace. The evening was pretty cold and there was no-one else out there, not even the smokers. The doors closed gently behind us, muffling the music slightly, but we could still hear it.

"You're right," he said, dropping my hand. "I can't, in there, with everyone else, but out here, if you don't mind that it's private, I'd really like to dance with you too."

He was looking at the floor, biting his lip, shifting his feet, looking utterly awkward and uncomfortable. How the hell was I supposed to say no?

I stepped up close to him and placed my hands on his shoulders. He looked up at me with a hopeful smile and tentatively put his hands on my hips. We started swaying very slightly to the muted music. We looked pretty ridiculous, like teenagers at a school dance, not knowing where to put ourselves, holding each other at arms length.

We both laughed quietly at ourselves, and shuffled a bit closer, and a bit closer, until finally our chests touched, our arms still wrapped loosely, chins hooked over each other's shoulders. I turned my face a little towards his neck and breathed in deeply, allowing myself the indulgence of inhaling his scent. He responded by tightening his hold on me, drawing me closer, pulling my hips forward until we were touching from shoulder to thigh. I think I whimpered. I'd been half-hard for the past few hours, and now that I could feel his cock pressing into me through the fine fabric of our perfectly cut trousers, I was lost. I ground into him as we rocked to the music, completely helpless to resist.

Suddenly the door opened behind us and a blast of loud music made us both jump. Edward froze in my arms as a voice called out apologetically for intruding, and the door closed again. But he didn't run away, or panic, and he just started slowly moving to the rhythm again.

"Let me stay with you tonight."

His voice was so quiet, his mouth buried in my neck, I wasn't sure I had heard him right. Before I had a chance to respond, he carried on, slightly more clearly.

"I know you said you didn't want to do this behind closed doors if you couldn't have everything, and I haven't got any decent argument to make you change your mind, but I'm asking anyway. Please. Stay with me. I'm not above begging, if that helps."

I pushed away from him slightly so I could look at his face.

"You couldn't ask me this before you started rubbing up against me?" I asked, mock irritation in my voice.

He smiled, slightly sheepishly.

"I have no decent argument, so I have to use alternative methods of persuasion," he said.

He knew I wouldn't be able to turn him down, and so did I. I pulled him back into my arms, and pressed myself against him again, just because I could.

"Well, just this once," I said, sternly. "If you promise to give me your phone number afterwards."

"You already have my number, Jasper," he reminded me and I could feel him smiling into my neck. "But you can have my email address if that helps."

* * *

We went to my room. Edward found Bella first to explain that he wouldn't be around until the morning. I saw her smile and kiss him affectionately on the cheek, and she gave me a little wave as I stood off to one side, waiting for him. We walked up the stairs side by side. I'd have liked to hold his hand, but I'd take what I could get. That's what it came down to really; I'd said it to him before and I found that I could accept it.

I opened the door and put on a few lights. He walked around the room, looking at the furniture and the artwork, although I'm fairly certain it was pretty much identical to his room. I hung up our jackets and sat on the edge of bed watching him, letting him get comfortable, taking his time. I took off my watch and set it on the nightstand; he was still fidgeting with the hotel stationery set, lining up the leather wallet with the edge of the desk. I felt my mouth twitching into a smile; I was so lost, everything he did seemed adorable. I unlaced my shoes and toed them off, then scooted back across the bed until I could lean against the headboard, stretching my legs out in front of me. When he finally ran out of things to tidy up and turned to face me, I was grinning like a crazy person.

"What?" he demanded, but I could see he was struggling to keep a matching smile from his face.

"If everything is quite to your satisfaction," I said, solemnly. "You could come to bed."

"Well, actually, everything is not to my satisfaction," he replied, kicking his shoes off and dropping to his knees on the bed, crawling towards me. "It would appear that you are wearing far too many clothes."

"Oh, it's like that is it?" I chuckled. "First you're all shy and fidgety, and now you're getting all demanding?"

"I was not shy and fidgety," he protested. "I was straightening up your mess."

"My mess!" I laughed. "You think this is messy?"

"I think that you are still wearing too many clothes," he pouted, leaning over me so I could feel his breath on my face. With one finger placed on his chest, I very deliberately pushed him back, making him sit on his heels beside me.

"Too many clothes?" I asked.

"Too many clothes," he repeated, nodding.

I slowly started to unbutton my shirt, making sure Edward's eyes were focused on each new inch of skin I revealed. When I had slipped the last button I leaned forward slightly to allow the shirt to fall off my shoulders and pulled it off, the sleeves turning inside out, and threw it on the floor.

"Better?" I inquired.

"A little bit," he conceded. "But you've made more mess now. And still too many clothes."

He motioned towards my trousers, encouraging me to continue. I shook my head, thoroughly enjoying this playful side of Edward that I hadn't met before.

"I think I'm not the only one with too many clothes," I pointed out. "I think we need to even things up a bit."

"Now who's being demanding?" he replied, grinning at me.

"I can help if it's all too tricky for you. Come here," I ordered, patting my legs.

He considered this for a moment and then slowly shifted sideways, throwing one leg over mine so he was straddling me, sitting on my thighs. A shiver rippled through me as I felt his weight press down on me; I wasn't sure if I could do playful with the feelings that ignited whenever we touched. I started on his buttons, identical to the ones I had just undone on my own shirt. It felt like it took forever. All I could hear was my breathing, and his breathing, and my pulse pounding in my ears.

When I finally finished the last button, I pulled the shirt open so I could see his chest. I ran my thumbs along his collar bones, revelling in his smooth skin, pushing my fingers under the fabric to lift it off his shoulders and drag it down his back. The sleeves stuck above his elbows; he couldn't move his arms, I had them pinned to his sides, firmly gripping his biceps. I eased him towards me; he wriggled slightly, trying to get rid of the shirt, until he realised what I was doing. He could have easily shaken me off, but he didn't, he let me guide him forward until our lips met.

They touched briefly, much like they had the night before, but this time he didn't pull back or hesitate. The light contact turned into a soft, sweet kiss, our mouths moving slowly, tongues caressing, Edward holding himself over me, not letting our skin meet anywhere else. He sat back down after a minute, and I released his arms, pushing the rest of his sleeves off until his shirt joined mine on the floor. He regarded me thoughtfully.

"Still too many clothes," he commented, but his voice was more serious now.

"Well, you'd better do something about it," I suggested.

He looked down at my trousers and reached for the belt. As he threaded the leather through the metal buckle, his fingers brushed against the head of my hard cock and a whimper escaped me. I leaned my head back and lifted my hips, letting him pull my trousers off, taking my boxers with them. He backed down the bed to drag them off me, standing briefly to shed the rest of his clothes too. Once they had landed on the floor he worked his way forward again, running his nose up the inside of my leg, pausing to suck gently under my knee, licking further up until his face was level with my groin.

I was mesmerised, seeing his mouth so close to my aching cock. It felt like it had been up and down so many times this evening, not really believing anything was going to happen. Now he was literally inches away from giving me sweet, sweet bliss, staring at it as if he was almost surprised to see it there.

"Edward?" I murmured, my voice cracking with need.

His eyes flicked up to me, and then back down. He tilted his head to one side; I managed to keep my eyes open just long enough to see his lips part and touch the tip of my dick, but when his tongue reached out to swipe away the fluid I couldn't help throwing my head back and letting them close.

He was less tentative than the first time; I could actually believe he wanted to be doing it rather than he felt he should be. I could feel him settling in between my legs, getting comfortable, and I shifted my thighs wider apart to give him more room. He used his hand to pull my cock upright and wasted no time taking it into his mouth and swirling his tongue all the way around.

_Fuck. _I don't know if I said it out loud, it was all I could do not to thrust hard into his mouth. I gripped the sheets tightly and let him explore, running his tongue all over me, sucking me in deep, moving slowly at first but then building up speed and pressure. I was panting and groaning, telling him how good it felt, how I fucking loved his mouth on my cock, feeling the vibration as he hummed around me at the sound of my words.

I forced my head forward again and opened my eyes, and nearly came instantly at the sight of my cock disappearing into his gorgeous lips, the looks of concentration and desire mingling in his face.

"Edward, unless you want me to come in your mouth you've got to stop doing that right the fuck now," I warned him, feeling my balls tightening relentlessly. I wouldn't mind at all, but I suspected it wasn't what he was aiming for.

He slowly sucked me all the way to the top, reluctantly letting me go, looking up at me with dark eyes.

"Come here," I whispered, taking slow breaths, willing my body to back down from the release it was so close to. He crawled quickly up my side and lay down next to me, one leg draped over mine, rubbing his own needy erection into my hip. He grabbed my neck and kissed my mouth hard, pushing his tongue between my lips, letting me taste myself on him.

_So fucking hot._

I rolled to face him, pulling his hips so our cocks rubbed together, sliding with the wetness left from his mouth. He moaned into my mouth and thrust against me, pulling my hair to angle my face up to his. I reached down between us and curled my fingers around both our cocks, stroking them tightly together, causing him to buck hard. He couldn't stay connected to my mouth, his head jerking back, growling out his pleasure, eyes squeezed shut.

I leaned back slightly, peeling our bodies apart.

"Look," I told him. "Look at how fucking beautiful we are."

His eyes blinked open and he looked down.

"Jesus, Jasper," he groaned. "It feels so fucking good. And it looks just amazing."

I smiled and used my other hand to tilt his chin back up to face me, and this time I kissed him. I held his head and kissed him until he couldn't breathe, all the time pulling and squeezing us together, our bodies slippery with sweat and heat.

"Oh God, Jasper," he gasped, his eyes fluttering again. "Oh Christ, I really want to fuck you, I mean, I know last time I said I wanted you to fuck me again, and I do, but right now I really, really want to fuck you, and I don't know how to have this conversation with you, and I didn't bring any condoms, and if you keep doing that..."

"Edward!" I interrupted. He looked at me with an expression of near panic. "Edward, listen to me very carefully. In a moment I'm going to let go, and you are going to go into the bathroom and grab my washbag, which has everything we need in it, and you are going to bring it back here, and then you are going to fuck me into next week. Okay?"

He nodded, the panic quickly replaced with eager anticipation.

"Ready?" I asked, squeezing a little tighter.

He nodded again so enthusiastically I had to laugh.

"Go!" I commanded, releasing us both. He practically bounced off the bed, nearly losing his balance as he hit the floor on wobbly legs. He returned in no time at all, throwing my bag on my chest and sliding back into place beside me.

"Someone in a hurry?" I teased him, pretending to fumble with the zip on the bag. He responded by wrapping his hand round my cock, staring straight into my eyes and licking his lips while he rubbed his thumb around the head.

I groaned, completely distracted, and really did have difficulty opening the damn bag. As soon as the zip was finally undone he let go, yanked the bag out of my hand and tipped the contents on to the bed. He swiftly located what he needed and swept everything else on to the floor. Neither of us were in any position to care about the mess.

Once he was ready he eased his fingers into me, and despite our mutual desperation he took his time. I wanted him so damn much. It felt good, crazy good. I'd forgotten just how fantastic it could be, to get properly fucked, by someone who I wanted passionately. I'd avoided it for so long, never wanting to give myself that way to the nameless conquests, the casual dates that had filled the years. I'd rationalised it as a personal preference, as simply preferring to be in control when it came to sex. But now, with Edward, I realised it was about the man, the person, the feelings; it was about letting someone love me. And I loved it.

"Now," I begged. "Now, Edward, please."

He pushed into me so slowly and carefully, it felt like we were simply slotting into place, two bodies designed to be joined, fitting perfectly, sliding forward until our hips met and we held each other without moving, pressed together in every possible way. We were ready to move at the same moment, shifting apart just enough to allow him to pull out and push back in, our eyes locked together, unable to speak at first.

He made love to me. The emotion in every movement was overwhelming; I had to blink back tears as he slowly eased us both towards our climax, his hand firmly stroking me, all the time kissing me and whispering to me, gentle and hard, careful but forceful, until eventually his control starting slipping and he was thrusting and slamming and swearing and we were both coming, shuddering and releasing and holding and holding and holding each other.

We were exhausted, barely managing to clean ourselves up a little before the dead weight of our limbs dragged us into sleep. We slept fitfully, drifting apart in the bed, waking to search for each other, twisting together to relax enough to doze off again. And yet morning still came far too soon.

* * *

EPOV

The drive to Heathrow is about two and a half hours on a Sunday afternoon. Apparently the original plan was for Jasper to be driven by his parents, with Rosalie and Emmett, as their flights were all leaving around the same time. His mum had quietly asked us if we'd like to drive together instead; I'd barely been aware of her the night before but she seemed to be completely in tune with her son. It turned out that she also asked Bella to travel with them in Jasper's space, so she could keep me company on the way home.

We didn't talk much. We turned the music up instead. When we got to the motorway I rested my hand on Jasper's leg, and he laid his over mine, lightly gripping my fingers. I wanted it to be over. I felt like I couldn't breathe; he was going, and I just wanted to be done and get on with being alone. But I didn't want it to be over. I wanted the journey to last forever, with the feel of his thigh through denim under my fingertips. As always with Jasper, two opposite feelings at the same time.

We hadn't made any promises. We had exchanged phone numbers and email addresses. We talked a little about the possibility of me taking a holiday in New York later in the year. I couldn't make a decision, I needed to see how I felt after he had gone. I thought he did too.

I drove through the maze of service roads around the airport, navigating carefully to the short-term parking. We dragged his case from the boot and checked the signs to his terminal, where we would meet up with the others. He set his case on its wheels and we walked side by side, still not talking. The walkways were narrow and our hands brushed together every now and then, as we squeezed past parked trolleys and random bollards.

I kept looking over at him, and he would catch me doing it and turn his head to give me a small smile. We were almost at the terminal entrance when I cracked. I stepped in front of him to stop him walking, and pushed him against the wall. His hands were in my hair in seconds, pulling me to his mouth, his suitcase abandoned behind us. The kiss was searing, frantic, lips and tongues and biting as we pressed together, trying to extinguish the distance that was about to come between us by sheer physical force. I was aware of people stepping around us on the footpath but I didn't care. More than that, I wanted them to know. I wanted them to see that right now, for this moment, he was _mine_.

A particularly loud cough behind us finally broke through the haze. I turned my head, not letting up the pressure of my body against his. Emmett was standing a few feet away, rubbing the back of his neck, trying not to look at us.

"Guys, I'd tell you to get a room," he said. "But really we need to get a plane instead. Sorry."

I turned back to Jasper and brushed my lips over his one more time before peeling myself off him and rescuing his suitcase. I held my free hand out to him and he smiled delightedly as he took it, tangling his fingers through mine, and we followed Emmett in to the terminal building.

I didn't let go of his hand the whole time. Not while we queued to check his bag, not while we said goodbye to Rosalie and Emmett, whose plane was leaving first. Not while we sat and had a coffee with his parents and Bella, not when he hugged each of them in turn, with just one arm, when it was time to go.

They let me walk him to the security gate. We stood for a long time, just holding each other, faces buried in necks, not wanting to let go. But we did. He pulled away first, brushing my hair back from my face and kissing me gently on the forehead. We didn't say goodbye; I watched him hand over his passport to the security officer and walk through the arch and around the corner until I couldn't see him any more. He didn't look back.

I stood still, not entirely sure what I was supposed to do next. Bella appeared by my side and slipped her arm through mine, gently pulling me away until we were walking back to my car. She held her hand out for the keys and drove us home, so I didn't have to worry about the tears blurring my vision. I thought I would feel better. I thought I would feel relieved. Maybe that would start tomorrow.

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A/N

**You're on your own this time. **


	15. The world it disappears so fast

**Sorry, yet again, for taking so long over this. But six months have passed for the Since boys, so they've been waiting too.**

**This is officially the end of Since, but there is an outtake currently available on the Twinklings blog which will soon be posted on my other story thread, especially for those of you who **___**so **_**wished Bella had got in on the action. There may be others, so please put me on Author Alert if you want those, and let me know if there are any others you would like to see - the only thing I definitely won't be doing is any of the chapters from a different POV.**

**I am also working on two new stories which should be ready over the summer, I hope you'll give those a try too.**

**As this is my last Since A/N, I want to thank again all the amazing peeps who made it happen - it has truly been a group effort. In no particular order, enormous thanks to:**

**The TwiSluts Anonymous Collective, without whom I would never have started writing**

**Conversed, for pointing me the way of the slash**

**Livinginadw, for pretty much everything - you are my life now ;)**

**Hoochiemomma, for endless WC and patient beta duty above and beyond the call - reconvene darling**

**EvilGiraffe82, for kicking my ass and deleting BAD WORDS, and making me think much harderer about what I write**

**Jasperluver48, for pimping my stories and encouraging me every day**

**Nitg69 for providing the original prompt**

**- and all the amazing readers and reviewers for spending your time with my boys. If I didn't reply to any of your reviews, please know I have read and appreciated every single one, even the slightly odd ones :P**

**Since has been nominated in a couple of categories at The Slash Awards, so many thanks to whoever put it up for that, and feel free to vote!**

**As always, SM owns. I'm just gonna miss them more than she does.**

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EPOV

_6 months later_

I'd never managed to sleep on a plane before, but then I'd never travelled business class either. I'd eaten a half-decent meal and settled down to watch a movie, relishing the fact that I could actually straighten my legs. The next thing I knew, the cabin crew were waking me up on the approach to JFK.

I was grateful that I hadn't had to fidget through the whole flight. I was still nervous, but somehow calm. I was _doing_ something, rather than waiting for something. It felt like the end of limbo, even if it was a leap into the unknown. The last six months had been disconcerting to say the least. Almost every aspect of my life had changed since Jasper left, and I was in the process of changing the most significant part yet.

Jasper had texted me pretty much the second his plane landed on the day he left. After about twenty texts in the first twenty-four hours, we switched to instant messaging before we bankrupted ourselves. For the first week or so our conversations were mundane. We talked about what we were doing - work, music, current affairs, even what we were eating. It was kind of comforting. We got to know each other's writing style, enough to make fun of each other, enough to know when the other had a bad day, or was having a few too many drinks.

We didn't talk about how we were feeling or who we were seeing or what we thought about what had happened between us. I felt too raw, and I was waiting for the pain to go away. I was still sure it would. It occurred to me that maybe it would get better quicker if I didn't keep chatting to him every minute of the day, but I didn't seem to be able to stop. The time difference was killing me as it was, losing ten hours a day because we slept at different times. We both stayed up stupidly late, me to carry on talking to him during his evening, him to catch me when I got up for work in the morning. It was addictive.

But then three weeks after he left, things really started to kick off with Bella. Up to that point, we had avoided discussing how we were going to move on. I'd slept in the spare room, refusing to wash the sheets until every trace of Jasper's scent had gone, which in hindsight was pretty disgusting. I went to work or shut myself in my office; Bella went to work and spent the evenings at Kate's house. I knew I should make an effort to move out, but it wasn't just my home, it was my workplace, and finding somewhere new to run my business from was going to be a challenge. Plus, I was too busy feeling sorry for myself.

Bella, of course, didn't have any patience for that kind of crap. She gave me the three weeks and then told me I either had to move out by the end of the month, or I'd have to buy the house off her, which she knew wasn't possible. And then she moved out, saying she'd be back when I was gone. I ignored the problem for another two weeks until Emmett and Garrett came over and kicked my arse. Garrett had a friend who was looking for a tenant for a bedsit in the town centre, so they basically signed me up and forced me to pack.

It was hideous. I found I didn't really care about most of the stuff in the house. I packed my music, my books and clothes, and a few kitchen things I'd really need. I took the damn coffee machine. I dismantled my office until only bare metal racks remained. I couldn't take it all with me so I rented storage space and boxed everything up except my newest laptop and a router. I couldn't realistically operate my business like that, so I wound up my open jobs and told my regular clients I'd be taking a break, thinking I'd go back to it when I was more settled. I asked at the office if they could use me more than two days a week and they practically jumped on me. Two weeks after I moved out, I was running the department and working fifty hours a week in a job I'd never wanted in the first place.

I kept most of this from Jasper at first. Actually, I kept all of it from him. I didn't want him to feel responsible. Plus, he was my escape. When I was chatting to him, I could forget about all the shit going on in my life. But working the new job meant I couldn't stay up half the night any more. Whoever invented breakfast meetings should be shot. He noticed, of course, and started asking questions. I avoided answering them, giving vague excuses or changing the subject.

I guess he contacted Rosalie in the end, because he phoned me one night to yell at me for not telling him what was going on. I just sat there, holding the phone slightly away from my ear, listening to him rant about how I shouldn't keep stuff from him and how was he supposed to be my friend if I didn't talk to him? I was just so damn happy to hear his voice that I didn't care. I had to tell him to shut the fuck up in the end. Just like old times.

After that, everything was on the table. He told me he missed me every day. I told him I thought about him all the time. He admitted that he wasn't seeing anyone which surprised me, but also made me disproportionately pleased. I hadn't dared to ask, not really wanting to know the answer. God knows, I wasn't about to try to hook up with someone else.

Talking on the phone took some getting used to. The messaging was easier; writing gave us time to to think about what we were saying, and it didn't matter if we couldn't think of anything to say at all. I didn't know what to talk about the first few times we spoke, but Jasper, being Jasper, had some excellent ideas.

He phoned one night a couple of days after that first call. He had just got in from work and I was thinking about getting ready for bed, but really checking my phone every ten seconds to see if he was around. He told me he'd been thinking about me all day. He'd been in dull meetings, his mind wandering, and couldn't stop the image of me bending him over the boardroom table popping into his head at regular intervals. I half choked on my drink.

"Christ, Jasper," I spluttered. He chuckled at me down the phone.

"Don't tell me you haven't been thinking about it too," he said, casually.

I hesitated.

"Well, maybe not that exact scenario," I admitted. The reality was that he featured in every single fantasy I'd jerked off to in my pathetic lonely room, and now I was never going to be able to look at the board table at the office in the same way ever again.

"So what exact scenarios have you been thinking about?" he asked.

I could hear him moving about, rustling and faint clattering sounds in the background.

"What are you doing?" I demanded, suspiciously.

"Don't change the subject," he said. "Tell me what you've been thinking about doing with me."

There was the distinctive noise of a belt buckle clinking and I could have sworn I heard something creak as he sat down.

"Are you jerking off?" I challenged him. "Because I'm not talking dirty to you just for you to get your rocks off."

"Oh come on, Edward," he said. "I've been having fantasy office sex with you all day, give a guy a break."

Now he had _me_ thinking about doing him over a desk. I couldn't help myself.

"What was I wearing?" I asked.

"You what?" he replied, confused.

"In your office sex fantasy, what was I wearing?" I persisted.

"Ah. Oh, the suit. From the wedding," he admitted.

I sat down on my own bed and popped the button on my jeans. My cock had started to get interested at about the point he said the words "fantasy office sex", and there was no way I was going to talk him through this without joining in.

"And where exactly were we?" I went on.

"In the boardroom," he said, and I could practically hear him smirk as he realised I was giving in. "It's like a huge meeting room on the twenty-fifth floor, with windows on two sides. There's a massive table with fancy leather chairs all round it."

I sat back against my pillows and closed my eyes, pushing my hand into my boxers and easing my hardening cock upwards.

"And what exactly were we doing?" I asked.

He paused. I wondered if he was going to make something up, or tell me what he had really imagined.

"You were pushing me down," he said, finally. "Face down on the board table. Pants round my ankles. Bare ass, right there waiting for you."

"Shit, Jasper, I really miss your ass." The words tumbled out of me before I could stop them, set loose by the visual in my imagination of the exposed windows and his naked backside under my hand.

"What do you miss about it, Edward?" he asked, his voice thickening.

"Oh Christ. I miss... honestly, I just miss fucking you," I admitted.

"Yeah, I miss that too," he sighed. "I miss feeling your fingers inside me first."

I swallowed hard. My mind was running riot and my cock was hot in my hand. I lifted my hips and shoved my clothes down to my thighs.

"Okay," I said. "Just one to start with. I'd hold you down with one hand on your back and slide just one finger in; work it all the way in and then back out again."

"Mmmmm," he murmured. "Want more."

"Impatient, are we?" I teased, but the truth was, now that I had started, I was feeling pretty needy myself.

"Want _more_," he insisted, and I could hear him breathing heavily down the phone.

"Two then," I conceded. "Two, pressing down, curling around, gonna find that sweet spot, make you scream."

"Oh God, Edward," he moaned. "I'm so fucking hard, I've been aching all day thinking about this."

The sound of his control slipping was driving me crazy, images of his face and memories of his touch rocking through me.

"I wouldn't be able to wait." I told him, gripping myself harder. "Just thinking about pushing inside you, feeling you give and let me in, feeling you so damn tight and hot around me."

"Oh fuck, I need you so much," he gasped, his voice becoming incoherent.

"I want to make it so good Jasper," I told him, fucking my hand faster. "Slamming into you, feels so good, feels. So. Fucking. Good."

"Fuck Edward, so close, I'm gonna come -"

When I heard him cry out it did me in, remembering how it felt when he came around me, buried deep inside him. I came harder than I had in weeks, covering my belly and hand in thick white streams, swearing and shouting his name.

It was definitely better than jerking off by myself in the shower.

"Jasper?"

There was a low chuckle at the other end of the line.

"I thought you weren't going to talk dirty to me," he said.

"Fuck off," I retorted, but I was laughing too.

We caught our breath in silence for a few moments.

"I miss you, Edward."

"Yeah, I miss you too."

~o0~O~0o~

I started travelling with work, going out to client sites to review installations. At first it was Europe, short trips to Berlin or Amsterdam. Then we got an account in Prague and I had a few trips there. I liked the travelling, liked getting out of my tiny room, as long as I still had a decent broadband connection at the hotel. When I saw an account coming up in the States, I lobbied hard to get it. Really hard. I was ecstatic when it was confirmed and the trip came through, only to realise that the installation was in Houston.

Jasper and I spent days on the web and the phone, trying to work out how to meet up. I looked at layovers in New York, he looked at internal flights and road trips, but we couldn't make it work. I didn't have enough time, and he didn't have enough money. It was only when I finally admitted defeat, that I wasn't going to be able to see him, and I realised how devastated I was, that it hit me. I didn't want to do this any more.

I started plotting. I didn't tell Jasper at first because I wasn't sure it would work out. I put on my fucking monkey suit and went and sweet-talked every executive I could find. I did research, drew up business plans, and pestered and pestered and pestered. Sometimes being extremely intelligent has its benefits.

It's not like I didn't still have doubts. I knew I was taking a big chance. I hadn't felt the slightest inclination to date anyone since he left. I had no idea if this was just about Jasper or if I was now gay, or bi, or whatever. I even let Bella drag me to a gay club one time, once we were talking again. That's a whole other story.

I finally got the green light from the company about four months after he left. I called him to tell him, explaining that the company had decided to open an office in New York. I didn't mention that it was my idea. I told him I'd be heading up the new office and I'd be coming over - for about two years. He went crazy, screaming down the phone, so excited and happy and completely delighted he could barely speak. I was so fucking relieved; there was a part of me that had feared he would be horrified, that he didn't really want anything more from me than what we had.

It took another two months to get everything sorted out - the longest two months of my fucking life. I started living on US time, spending afternoons and evenings on the phone to letting agents, leasing companies, banks and potential clients. I was taking two of my team with me and ironically they went out first, putting things in place, travelling back and forth for weeks.

But then there I was. At last. On the final descent into JFK. My stomach was in knots. I had that dry, gritty, grimy feeling from the air-conditioning and I was horribly thirsty. The cabin crew brought bottles of water and I sipped slowly, wondering if I had time to brush my teeth.

Jasper was coming to pick me up from the airport. The company had offered me a car service to take me to the apartment that had been rented for me, but I'd told them I'd find my own way there. Jasper had begged me to spend at least the first night at his place. In fact he'd wanted me to move in with him completely, but I'd resisted. One step at a time. We compromised by agreeing to go to my apartment first to drop off my bags and check out what supplies I was going to need, and then head over to his place for the evening.

The process of getting off the plane and through the airport was interminable. Queuing up for passport control, for baggage reclaim, watching endless bags on the carousel, queuing up again to get through customs... I stopped walking. When I got through the next door, he'd be there. I was exhausted and wired and nervous and I needed a moment to clear my head before I headed through.

I hate being met at the airport. You have to walk past a bunch of people gawking at you, looking for their friends, as you drag your case and desperately rake the crowd for a familiar face. It was noisy and bright, and I couldn't see him. I had a sudden irrational panic attack – what if he wasn't there? What if something had happened? What if he'd changed his mind? My heart thumped in my chest as I looked along the barrier again, walking slowly, still not seeing him anywhere.

I finally spotted him right at the far end of the hall. He was leaning against a pillar, one leg tucked up underneath him, watching me. He'd obviously seen me before I'd seen him, but he hadn't moved, letting me come to him. As usual.

I couldn't take my eyes off him. If I'd thought my heart was thumping hard before, now it felt like it was going to bust a rib. I hadn't realised how worried I'd been; that I'd see him and it wouldn't be the same, that I'd made a huge mistake. But Christ, he was still as completely devastating as the last time I'd seen him. He was smiling so widely he looked half demented, his blue eyes sparkling, hands shoved in the pockets of his faded jeans. He pushed away from the wall as I got closer, but the bastard still didn't walk towards me.

I dragged my case behind me, walking slowly, no longer hearing the chaotic noises of the airport as I closed the gap. Families and business travellers crossed in front of me, stalling my progress. My dry mouth was parched and I tried to swallow but couldn't relieve the fire in my throat.

Finally we were standing face to face, still staring into each others eyes, just a few feet apart. I let go of my case, my hands hanging limply at my sides. I was exhausted, from the flying, from the stress, from the sheer enormity of what I was doing. I couldn't take another step. I don't know how long we stood there looking at each other, until finally, _finally_ he moved towards me, reaching over to take my face in his hands. He leaned forward, his eyes locked onto mine, as if he was afraid that if he looked away I would disappear.

I raised one arm, reaching for that spot on the back of his neck that I'd missed so much. His hair was shorter than I remembered but still long enough for me to grab onto a handful. We leaned some more until our foreheads met, and as we stood there silently, I realised I was free. I could do exactly what I wanted to do; I had no history here, no-one knew me, no-one cared at all, except the wonderful man holding on to me. And what I wanted to do, more than anything, was kiss him.

I pulled him hard towards me and crashed my lips against his. The world disappeared. The only things left were his mouth and his tongue, opening up to me, pushing inside me, the roughness of the skin on his jaw, the firm hold of his hands on my face, the silky hair twisted in my fingers. Then he moved his hands from my face to my back and our bodies collided and _dear God_, the solidity of his chest, the strength of his arms, the hardness of his hips against mine...

We clung to each other, joined at the mouth, desperately reconnecting, oblivious to the stares and comments which I'm sure we deserved. When it got to the point where the grinding against each other was causing us serious issues, we tore our mouths apart, panting and laughing slightly hysterically, both flushing a little red as we came back to reality.

We couldn't let go though, and I pressed my cheek against his, my chin on his shoulder.

"Hey stranger," he whispered against my neck.

"Can we get out of here?" I asked.

It took forever. We half dragged and half carried my bags to a car park that appeared to be several miles from the terminal; it probably didn't help speed things up that we needed to be physically attached to each other the whole time, and had to keep stopping to kiss each other again. I couldn't get enough. I felt like I'd been starving in a desert and was suddenly being offered water, and it was impossible to resist.

The car ride into Manhattan was even worse, because the most contact we could manage was holding hands and the traffic was appalling. Jasper had picked up the keys for me the day before and had checked out the route beforehand, so he drove straight to the parking garage beneath the apartments. When he killed the engine we sat in silence for a minute, still holding hands.

"You came," he said.

I smiled, and nodded.

"You really came," he repeated. "For me."

I nodded again, feeling joy bubbling up inside me, because I knew exactly what he meant.

"For you," I told him.

We grinned at each other for a moment longer before he launched himself out of the car, grabbing my carry-on from the back seat. I hurried to follow him, reaching for the boot to get my suitcase but he blocked me, yanking my hand away from the car and pulling me towards the lift.

"Later," he growled.

I have no idea how we managed to keep our clothes on for the few minutes it took us to get from the garage to the door of the apartment and inside. In fact I have no idea how we found the right apartment and unlocked the door, but somehow we got there and were tearing at each other seconds later, desperate to get to bare skin but unwilling to stop touching and kissing for long enough to get the clothes off.

I couldn't believe how good it felt. All the doubts and second guessing were blown away and I knew I'd made the right decision, if only to be in that moment right then.

We were still standing in the hallway when we finally kicked off the last of our clothes and Jasper pushed me backwards until my bare ass hit the cold wall, the heat of his skin searing as he pressed his whole body into mine. We groaned at the same time as our hard cocks slid against each other and I grabbed his hips, pulling him harder towards me. It was too much, and not nearly enough, his mouth on mine, his hands squeezing and stroking me, the feel of his muscles and skin under my fingers.

When he pulled away we were both gasping, and I couldn't understand why he was stopping. But then he sank to his knees in front of me and I nearly cried.

"I missed you so fucking much," he said, pressing his face into my groin and inhaling deeply.

"Are you talking to me or my cock?" I asked him.

"Both," he muttered, and then he slid his lips over me and neither of us could talk any more.

We had got pretty good at getting each other off over the phone. We'd had some really interesting instant message sessions, and we'd kept each other satisfied. But there's a difference between satisfied and ecstatic, and being back in Jasper's hot, skilful mouth was fucking heavenly. This was where it had all started and I never wanted to leave.

He held on to my hips and swallowed all of me down and I was making all kinds of crazy sounds because it felt so bloody perfect. His tongue seemed to be everywhere as he rocked on his heels in front of me; it was quick and rough and exactly what I needed. I lasted all of about five minutes of sheer bliss before I felt my balls tightening. I didn't even try to hold back because I knew we had all night, and the next night, and all the nights after that. He sensed me tensing up and I swear he sucked harder, digging his fingers into my skin and ramming me into his throat until I erupted into him, groaning and shuddering.

He sat back on his heels and beamed up at me, running a thumb along his lower lip, chasing a stray drop onto his tongue. I wanted him so much, and he was all mine. Despite the shaking in my legs, I held out my hand to pull him to his feet, leaning hard against the wall to steady myself. I pulled him to lean on me and kissed him slowly, sliding my other hand between his legs to cup his balls and curl my hand around his hot cock. He moaned into my mouth and drew back to breathe.

"Come to bed," I whispered.

"It's OK, Edward, you must be exhausted..."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I interrupted him, my words coming out harsher than I intended. I took a breath and lowered my voice.

"Come to bed and make love to me."

He tilted his head.

"You mean, you want..."

"Yes, I want," I smiled back at him. "I'm here for you. I'm yours. I've been waiting for this for six months."

He stepped back and cast about for his jacket in the mess of clothes scattered on the floor. Then he took my hand and pulled me into the main room of the apartment, before he stopped suddenly.

"Where's the bedroom?"

"How the hell would I know?"

We found the bedroom, and the bed. It hadn't been made but some hurried searching turned up a cupboard full of sheets and comforters, so we just threw a few on the mattress before we fell onto it. Jasper retrieved a condom and a stupid little packet of lube from his jacket; I called him a boy scout until he threatened to make me empty my carry-on bag to prove I hadn't brought some too. Then I shut up.

He went as slow as we could stand, but we both needed it so much it was difficult not to rush ahead. We lay face to face and he pulled my top leg over his hip, holding it behind my knee as we kissed. His still-hard cock pressed into my stomach; his hand slid firmly from my knee up to my ass, rolling the muscle under his palm. He sat up a little to reach behind me to where he had thrown the foils, tearing each one open carefully with his teeth.

My heart was racing again and the sight of him rolling on the condom and coating himself and his fingers was making my cock twitch again. When he was ready he lay back down and stared into my eyes as he reached over me again and touched a cold, slick finger against my hole. I gasped at the contact and he hesitated for just a second before circling and pressing more firmly. I groaned as I felt the tip of his finger disappeared inside me and instinctively pushed against him for more. He closed his eyes briefly as he worked his finger further in, and I knew he was trying to be gentle, but I just couldn't stand waiting any longer.

I threw my arm over his shoulder and yanked myself closer to him, pulling against his hip with my leg. I kissed him as fiercely as I could, trying to show him just how much I needed him, tell him everything I had done to get here, to this moment, here with him. I don't know if he got the message or he just felt the same way I did, but he pumped his finger faster and deeper and I growled with pleasure.

I felt the second finger stretch me but I have no idea if he managed a third because I was just begging him to fuck me in between kissing and biting and licking at every part of his face and neck I could reach. He rolled onto his back, pulling me on top of him and twisting his fingers out of me. I stared at him for a moment as he pushed my chest to make me sit back and then he grasped his cock around the base, pulling it upright. Then I understood and knelt up to let him line up under me, placing my hands on his shoulders for balance.

I pushed down straight away. I pushed down and cried out as he penetrated the tight muscles, burning and stretching, but I didn't stop, because all I wanted was him inside me. He had put me on top to let me control the pain but I didn't care, I knew the faster I got there the quicker it would get better. And it already felt really, really good.

I did wait once he was all in. I wasn't sure I could actually move. I was panting and whimpering, my eyes screwed tight shut. For once, he didn't ask me a stupid question. He did the best possible thing he could have done. He wrapped his fingers around my aching cock and stroked firmly. My whimpers turned to moans and I opened my eyes to find him staring up at me in wonder.

"You're just fucking amazing," he blurted out.

I struggled to catch my breath enough to speak.

"Not so bad yourself," I said.

He sat up as I leaned forward and our mouths crashed together again. I found the strength to move my hips and he bucked up into me, meeting every downward stroke with a powerful thrust. I had to stop kissing him because I was yelling every time he slammed into me, ramming my prostate over and over, his hand moving in the same rhythm over my cock until I thought I was going to lose my mind. The muscles in my legs were screaming and in the end it was all I could do to hold still while he pumped upwards faster and faster, grunting with the effort, shouting at me that he couldn't hold on, that it felt too good, that he loved me...

I came so hard I was still shaking ten minutes later. After I'd coated his chest in hot white lines, after he'd screamed my name as he pulsed inside me, after we'd collapsed together no longer able to speak, after he held me so tightly in his arms, my face buried in his neck. At some point later we peeled apart; Jasper looked around for something to clean up with, but there wasn't anything, so he gave up and lay back, looking thoroughly messed up and utterly satisfied.

"You're a noisy bastard, you know that?" he said.

"Oh yeah, and you're really quiet too," I replied, not looking up. I wasn't sure I was ever going to be able to move again.

"So are we going back to my place later?" he asked.

"Yeah, later," I mumbled. A lot later. Maybe next week.

~o0~O~0o~

_2 years later_

"EDWARD!"

I could hear Jasper yelling up the stairs at me. We were going to be late, but I wasn't quite ready to go yet. I fidgeted with my tie and wandered aimlessly around the bedroom, picking up photographs to look at them closely, straightening Jasper's stack of books so they all lined up.

"Edward, get your ass down here," he shouted from a little closer.

I sighed and raked my hand through my hair again. Best to get it over with. The party was for me, after all. When I had handed in my notice at work, there had been a great deal of shock, and they had offered me all kinds of incentives to stay. But I knew that I needed to move on, and they had eventually given up and told me they were throwing a big party for me on my last day. I had already handed back the keys to my company apartment, having packed up the few belongings that were still left there over the previous month. I had headed over to Jasper's place at lunchtime, figuring they could live without me for the last afternoon of my contract, but now we were heading back into Manhattan. I walked down the stairs, tugging at my cuffs so they showed properly under my jacket sleeves, to find Jasper waiting for me at the bottom. He smiled at me indulgently and straightened up the tie that I had pulled over to the side.

"Ready?" he asked.

I nodded, and he kissed my cheek. We walked to the car that the company had sent for us, hand in hand. Jasper had already loaded my cases in the trunk; the driver had been waiting for half an hour, but he didn't comment. We didn't talk much on the drive; I reflected on the last two years.

It hadn't been an easy transition. I spent the first six months working like crazy, needing to get the office properly established so it wouldn't get closed down before it started. I barely surfaced, working evenings and weekends. It sometimes felt like I spent less time communicating with Jasper than I had when we lived on different continents.

When we did have time together, Jasper liked to go out, and I mostly wanted to stay in. I missed Bella and my friends, and found it hard to get to know new people. He knew everyone in this big, crazy, complicated scene, and seemed to have slept with half of them. A lot of them found it hard to accept that he was off limits; some resented me and some simply ignored it and he spent a lot of time fending them off. He took it all with good humour, but I hated it.

While it was a huge relief to be able to be with Jasper in public and feel completely natural about it, I found the whole scene really uncomfortable. There were simply no circumstances under which I would be interested in dancing and flirting with the guys that Jasper hung out with. I tolerated it because I didn't want Jasper to have to change his lifestyle because of me, but it caused a lot of aggravation when I was tired and moody. We argued, a lot. At the start, Jasper wouldn't disagree with me; he would get all quiet and sulky instead of saying what he really thought. When I pushed him, he admitted to being scared that I would change my mind and leave.

Jasper pulled me out of my thoughts as we arrived at the venue, snapping his fingers in front of my eyes. He knew I hated this kind of thing, being the centre of attention at some fancy event, but he would be in his element and I felt better knowing he was there to support me. We left my cases in the car, as the driver would be taking me straight to the airport after the party to catch the red-eye to London.

The party was pretty much as expected, more of a networking opportunity for the new director than anything in my honour. Not that I cared. I did my bit as required, making introductions, thanking members of my team, chatting up clients. I listened to the bland words from my successor and accepted a soulless gift that would never see the light of day in my home. Jasper was never far from my side, not intruding but ready to rescue me when he could see me flagging. It wasn't ideal to be doing this and flying out on the same night, but it was just how things had worked out.

It was finally late enough for me to escape, and we slipped away without a fuss, saying final goodbyes to a few close friends. Jasper rode with me to the airport, still holding my hand all the way, rubbing circles with his thumb. He didn't come into the terminal with me, we had decided he would take advantage of the car ride home rather than having to shell out for a taxi later. He helped me get my cases to the curb and we stood awkwardly, chest to chest, not really wanting to say the words, but knowing we had to.

"It's only a month," he said, eventually.

"I know," I nodded, leaning my forehead against his.

"We can talk on the phone," he reminded me, smirking suggestively.

I laughed. He was still incorrigible. And I still couldn't get enough.

"I'll see you in a month," I said.

"You better get our place sorted before I arrive," he said.

"I will," I promised. "You sure you want to do this?"

"It's a bit late for that," he said. "Unless you're changing _your_ mind?"

I kissed him lightly on the cheek.

"Shut up," I told him.

"Fuck off then," he countered.

I pulled his hand to my mouth and kissed his knuckles, and told him I loved him, before turning to walk into the terminal. I didn't turn back to look at him and I had no tears in my eyes. I knew I wouldn't change my mind. I hadn't been so sure about anything since... well, since.


End file.
